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Showing snippets written by Auntie Matter.


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Successful Arrest

Detroit: A 93 year old man was arrested yesterday for shoplifting. Said arresting officer, Chuck Braine; "Thankfully, he made no attempt to escape."

written by Auntie Matter, 23 August 2016
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Nasa For Sale

Obama to sell off Nasa. "Problems on earth need all our commitment and resources," he explained. Space suits going cheap on Ebay. "Buy one get one free".

written by Auntie Matter, 21 August 2016
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Annual Psychotherapy Awards

LONDON: The Annual Psychotherapy Awards, Hosted by J.K. Rowling, will take place at Coventry Masonic Hall. Competition expected to be fierce.

written by Auntie Matter, 19 August 2016
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New Tunick Art Work

Called "Naked Attraction" the new 'work' features thousands of naked volunteers painted purple and tied to lampposts all over London.

written by Auntie Matter, 19 August 2016
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Now Here is the Weather...Not!

They have over 2,000 satellites circling the earth and they can't predict if it will rain tomorrow or not? Duh???? How confused do we have to be?

written by Auntie Matter, 13 August 2016
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The NWO Agenda Unmasked

If it's natural and healthy WE will change it.
Gender, marriage, family, minds, souls, bodies, weather, food.
Here's a better idea.
You created NONE of it.
Why not leave it all taf#!xk alone?

written by Auntie Matter, 11 August 2016
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Irish Farmer Challenges Monsanto

Irish farmer Finbar Green has petitioned US Congress to arrest and try Monsanto Corporation for "crimes against humanity". He has indeed coined a new word for the charge BIO-CONSPIRACY.

written by Auntie Matter, 10 August 2016
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Question from Ireland

Irish people want to know...."What happened to our 'summer'? Why is summer now winter? Is some lunatic scientist playing God with the weather?"

written by Auntie Matter, 10 August 2016
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Two Trumps?

Are there two Trumps as Dick Gregory says? One blue-tied and one red-tied? Clones? The first cloned US president in history? Does the right hand know what the left is up to? Is it meant to?

written by Auntie Matter, 09 August 2016
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Weather Investigation

Roman Catholic archbishop of Dublin Diarmuid Martin has been asked by his parishioners to launch an investigation into why Ireland has not had a summer this year or last year.

written by Auntie Matter, 09 August 2016
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Terror Alert

Man of Eastern origin attacks pet poodle in Helsinki
with machete.

written by Auntie Matter, 06 August 2016
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Last Word on Science

Reality is not to be 'conquered' by 'science'.
Your violent ego is to be conquered by Reality.

written by Auntie Matter, 06 August 2016
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Dame Goddard Resigns from Savile Inquiry

"Lost the confidence'... of the guilty.

written by Auntie Matter, 05 August 2016
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R.E.M's New Album

R.E.M rock band is to release a new album titled..."SONGS TO SLIT YOUR WRISTS BY". This will be the first music album ever to carry a government health warning. Sales expected to go through the roof.

written by Auntie Matter, 04 August 2016
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Jimmy Savile Inquiry

The Jimmy Savile investigation now in its fifth year "will continue for another five years", said chief investigator Sir Hiram Pike..."until all the main suspects die off and it all blows over".

written by Auntie Matter, 04 August 2016
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Melania's New Book

Melania Trump has just released her book... on "landing a billionaire". It is titled... "How to go to Bed a Tramp and Wake up a Trump".

written by Auntie Matter, 04 August 2016
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Now Here Are the News Headlines

Jesinta Campbell shows off killer abs.
Donald Trump makes another bid not to get elected.
Britney Spears unveils new dance routine.
Baghdad bomb annihilates at least 215 people.

written by Auntie Matter, 04 August 2016
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What is Insanity?

Listening to Corbyn and Smith debate Nuclear War on television as if it was a movie they saw last week and didn't particularly like.

written by Auntie Matter, 04 August 2016
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Trump in Virginia

They say my wife is a tramp... that's OK. They say I'm here to make Hillary president... that's OK. They say I play golf with Bill Clinton... that's OK. They say we will destroy the Earth.. that's OK.

written by Auntie Matter, 03 August 2016
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Queen's Honours List

LONDON: Queens Honours List just released. No sighting of Rowling yet again. Recipients will receive a watch and an ornament of Big Ben for their mantelpiece.

written by Auntie Matter, 01 August 2016
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Two Women Interviewed

Q: What was your worst trauma?
Woman 1: "I was groped once by a famous celebrity".



Q. What was your greatest thrill?
Woman 2: I was groped once by a famous celebrity."

written by Auntie Matter, 31 July 2016
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Common Sense Mag

A magazine called Common Sense was released today in New York. It's leading articles are...
1. 97%+ Americans want peace.
2. Jews are victims of Zionists.
3. 99.9% Muslims are not ISIS.

written by Auntie Matter, 31 July 2016
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Proof Tony Blair No Longer Exists

How dat?
Well... the media don't mention him. Dat's how.
Not a single word about Blair or from Blair... since the 'inquiry' written up by friends of his best buddy Gordon Brown.

written by Auntie Matter, 31 July 2016
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Bookies' Prices on UK City of Culture 2017

UK Bookies have released prices on next year's UK City of Culture 'winner'.
Inverness...1/1
Edinburgh...2/1
Perth...5/2
Aberdeen...4/1
Dundee...5/1
Stirling...9/2
Somewhere not in Scotland... 100/1

written by Auntie Matter, 31 July 2016
Showing page 2 (of 16 pages)


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