Showing snippets written by Auntie Matter.

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Showing page 2 (of 7 pages)

Worst Time for Being a Parent

Scientists have discovered that the worst time for being a parent is roughly nine months after falling pregnant.

written by Auntie Matter, 01 April 2015

Bush Copyright

George Bush Senior has taken out copyright on the phrase "New World Order" that he made popular. Anybody using the phrase without his permission will be sued.

written by Auntie Matter, 31 March 2015

Wuthering Heights Remake

Warner Bros are doing a remake of the classic Wuthering Heights. Tony Blair has been asked to star as Heathcliff and J.K.Rowling as Catherine.

written by Auntie Matter, 31 March 2015

BBC Lent Pledge

The BBC has vowed to stop talking about Ebola for one day... Good Friday. After that, it will be back to normal with the hourly reminder.

written by Auntie Matter, 30 March 2015

Sequel to Shades of Grey

A Sequel to Shades of Grey is due for release. "Shades of Brown". Publishers expecting a big 'run'.

written by Auntie Matter, 30 March 2015

Older Men and Young Women

Revealed at last... why older men are attracted to young women....


written by Auntie Matter, 22 February 2015

Greece Confused

Greece wants to know who exactly it is being forced to pay its colossal debts to... and what exactly they will do to her if she tells them to naff off out of it.

written by Auntie Matter, 17 February 2015

Nothing is Yours. All Over Red Rover.

GMO food corporation MONSANTO through a series of crop 'patents' has now claimed exclusive control of all the vegetation on the planet. Lawyers everywhere excited.

written by Auntie Matter, 16 February 2015

Pope Qualifies "OK to Smack Child" Remark.

"It's OK to smack your child"; now says Pope Francis to the faithful..."but not with a clenched fist or blunt instrument."

written by Auntie Matter, 15 February 2015

Scientific Breakthrough at Hadron.

Scientists at the Hadron Particle Accelerator Plant in Switzerland have concluded that the universe is doomed to perish. "But, with sufficient funding, we may be able to halt it."

written by Auntie Matter, 14 February 2015

Jimmy Savile Inquiry Ends

Three years on, Lord Chief Justice Hiram Quagmire has ended Scotland Yard's inquiry into the Jimmy Savile paedophile case... because of "lack of evidence".

written by Auntie Matter, 13 February 2015

Give Us Back Our Gold !

Putin has told the U.S. Federal Reserve Bank to return the billions of dollars worth of gold it stole from Russia in 1917.

written by Auntie Matter, 11 February 2015

Reagan's Dream Fulfilled,

Barack Obama calling himself "the Ronald Reagan of the Left" has decided to put an end to education in America. Every student over the age of seventeen is to be sent to university.

written by Auntie Matter, 11 February 2015

Savile Inquiry.

Savile Inquiry: Scotland Yard have announced that the paedophile charge against Lord Tintin has been dropped after the Peer fortunately died last week of old age. The case is expected to drag on for another ten years to ensure all similar suspects are dead and forgotten.

written by Auntie Matter, 03 February 2015

Obama Is Knight of Malta

Pope Francis has made President Obama an honorary Knight of Malta. He will take on the name of Constantine.

written by Auntie Matter, 31 January 2015

New Irish Anti-Terrorism Laws

Under new anti-terrorism laws, Irish pensioners seeking rent assistance of 20 Euros or more per week must submit medical records and sperm count.

written by Auntie Matter, 28 January 2015

Pope Francis And Freedom of Speech

In the wake of the Hebdo massacre Pope Francis has come out to 'defend' Freedom of Speech it.

written by Auntie Matter, 15 January 2015

Obama's New Bill

Obama has authored a new bill to be presented to the HOUSE today. "Nobody with a vested interest in war is allowed to stand for Congress."
.... Yea... right!

written by Auntie Matter, 06 January 2015

Not What you Think at All

CCTCT or the compulsion to disprove conspiracy theory has been officially diagnosed as a psychological ailment by the World Psychiatric Association in service to the New World Order. A new drug called Serenity has been introduced to combat it.

written by Auntie Matter, 16 December 2014

"Please... Don't Let Them Torture Me!"

So pleads ex-U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney in a live video broadcast last night shortly after he was abducted by Al Qaeda.

written by Auntie Matter, 14 December 2014

Kissinger Celebrates Birthday

Henry Kissinger celebrates his 119th birthday at Masonic playground Bohemian Grove. George W. Bush cuts cake.

written by Auntie Matter, 14 December 2014

Shares in "Bush Pill" Company Rocket.

A new pill called the "Bush Pill" designed to relieve Islamophobia is sweeping the US. "Buy 9, Get 2 free", runs the ad.

written by Auntie Matter, 29 November 2014

Man Upset

A man was reportedly upset on a London tube train yesterday when a schoolgirl said something to him about his baldness. Girl is still in custody as police investigation continues.

written by Auntie Matter, 27 November 2014

Mozart Curable

Dr. Klaus Gotya of the Tavistock Institute London has stated that "Wolfgang Mozart had classic OCD and was curable with the right medication.".

written by Auntie Matter, 12 November 2014
Showing page 2 (of 7 pages)

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