Showing snippets written by Auntie Matter.

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Showing page 2 (of 4 pages)

O'Bama... "Our Real Enemy".

Explaining cuts in Health Care O'Bama has announced; "CIA intelligence has at last unearthed our real enemy. It is not Islam as we thought. It is Christianity."

written by Auntie Matter, 30 September 2013

Mozart Sussed at Last

UK Medical Assoc.Release; "This person had an "obsessive compulsive neurosis" and a "behavioural dsyfunction typical of problem gamblers. Medication would have helped". The subject? Wolfgang Mozart.

written by Auntie Matter, 28 September 2013

Envoy to Iraq

A team of psychologists from the University of California have been sent to Iraq to study the origins of "conspiracy theory" among prisoners and survivors.

written by Auntie Matter, 28 September 2013

Barack and US Press

Announced O'Bama today.. "For the sake of democracy and freedom, I have issued an order under the Official Secrets Act forbidding Congressmen and Senators from talking to the press. Or face prison."

written by Auntie Matter, 25 September 2013

Conspiracy Theorists Ambushed

New legislation in the US passed to outlaw internet conspiracy theorists who may now face a mandatory three years in prison if found guilty.

written by Auntie Matter, 21 September 2013

Premiere of new Rowling Play in Coventry.

Belgrade Theatre is to host a new play by Rowling. "I've written 39 plays since the age of three," she confessed. "I kept it all secret. I am sooooo surprised." Reception is in the Masonic Hall.

written by Auntie Matter, 18 September 2013

Yet Another Book from Rowling.

Just out of hospital where she went to have her writing hand fixed Rowling is to release her latest effort A History of England in 14 volumes. "Been working on it since the age of six", she confessed.

written by Auntie Matter, 12 August 2013

After The Grief Pill ... the Conscience Pill.

After the grief pill scientists in the US have invented the "Conscience Pill". No more troublesome guilt! Governments around the world have expressed a keen interest.

written by Auntie Matter, 04 July 2013

Hugh Hefner the World's Most Hated Man

In a global internet poll Hugh Hefner has been declared the most hated man on the planet by all males over the age of thirteen and under the age of ninety.

written by Auntie Matter, 08 January 2013

George Bush has Vision

George Bush Senior, in hospital, told George Junior that he had had a "spiritual vision of the New World Order". Asked to describe, he said "it was all green and looked like George Washington."

written by Auntie Matter, 03 January 2013

President Obama Announces Guns Reform

"It was simple", said he. "The guns stay... but we have outlawed ammunition. That way they get to play Rambo without killing anybody."

written by Auntie Matter, 22 December 2012

Rowling Has Final Say... Again.

Rowling has stated again that The Casual Vacancy is not derived from her own life. "Nothing I write has anything to do with me or my life... so not ever! Absolutley no connection. Not even Potter."

written by Auntie Matter, 06 December 2012

God- It's Official!

Pope Benedict also known as "Eggs" has issued a Papal decree... "God made the universe for the hell of it". Many wonder did He make hell for the hell of it too? God was not available for comment.

written by Auntie Matter, 25 November 2012

Savile Evidence... Where to hide?

Sites on the moon and Mars are currently being examined as possible hiding places for evidence being gathered in Nick Pollard's inquiry into the Jimmy Savile case.

written by Auntie Matter, 25 November 2012

Jesus on Twitter

Twitter has no explanation to offer as to why Jesus Christ who returned to earth last June to judge the living and the dead only managed to get 2 followers on his Twitter account in as many months.

written by Auntie Matter, 06 August 2012

Truth at Last?

Scotland Yard says it will release all findings to the press in their investigation into Maddie McCann and pedophilia rings in Europe, especially if they involve British politicians or royals.

written by Auntie Matter, 23 May 2011

No Hiding Place for Bad Guys Says Gordon Brown.

Ex-Prime Minister Gordon Brown says the death of Osama bin Laden proves there is no place to hide for terrorists. We ask: "Can they not hide out in London like himself and his buddy Tony Blair?"

written by Auntie Matter, 22 May 2011

Quentin Tarantino Honoured yet Again

LONDON: For services to Lucifer in trashing the human race and his lifelong efforts to make homicidal psychopaths socially acceptable Quentin Tarantino has been made an honorary Knight of the Garter.

written by Auntie Matter, 08 May 2011

Invasion of Finland Imminent

Prime Minister David Cameron today announced that an invasion of Finland was now likely "not because of its strategic position to Russia but because we believe they have weapons of mass destruction".

written by Auntie Matter, 07 May 2011

Was Rowling Invited?

Hills have opened a book on who got invited and who didn't to the royal do. Brown and Blair are scratched, but what of their close friend J.K.Rowling? They make her 6/1, by reason of association.

written by Auntie Matter, 26 April 2011

Rihanna Speaks Out

"I was a bitch to Russell Brand," says Rihanna, "because he was a bitch to me."

written by Auntie Matter, 22 April 2011

Lord Windrop not Invited to the Wedding

Lord Les Windrop close friend of Prince Harry has not been asked to the wedding. "Lord Windrop," said the MC, "suffers from severe flatulence. Were that thing to go off where the hell could we hide?"

written by Auntie Matter, 17 April 2011

'Borrowing'... Gone Mad?

Rumours are rife that Rowling, not only ripped off famous muralists The Bogside Artists, but artist Banksy, who also hails from Bristol, seems to have done likewise! Is there a connection?

written by Auntie Matter, 03 March 2011

Hefner Hits Back at Sheen

Hugh Hefner has hit back at Charlie Sheen for calling him an amateur; "I taught Sheen all he knows. I pointed out to him many times that you put the thing into the girl's vagina and take it from there. Without me he would be nothin!"

written by Auntie Matter, 02 March 2011
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