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Worst Time for Being a Parent
Scientists have discovered that the worst time for being a parent is roughly nine months after falling pregnant.
George Bush Senior has taken out copyright on the phrase "New World Order" that he made popular. Anybody using the phrase without his permission will be sued.
Wuthering Heights Remake
Warner Bros are doing a remake of the classic Wuthering Heights. Tony Blair has been asked to star as Heathcliff and J.K.Rowling as Catherine.
BBC Lent Pledge
The BBC has vowed to stop talking about Ebola for one day... Good Friday. After that, it will be back to normal with the hourly reminder.
Sequel to Shades of Grey
A Sequel to Shades of Grey is due for release. "Shades of Brown". Publishers expecting a big 'run'.
Older Men and Young Women
Revealed at last... why older men are attracted to young women....
Greece wants to know who exactly it is being forced to pay its colossal debts to... and what exactly they will do to her if she tells them to naff off out of it.
Nothing is Yours. All Over Red Rover.
GMO food corporation MONSANTO through a series of crop 'patents' has now claimed exclusive control of all the vegetation on the planet. Lawyers everywhere excited.
Pope Qualifies "OK to Smack Child" Remark.
"It's OK to smack your child"; now says Pope Francis to the faithful..."but not with a clenched fist or blunt instrument."
Scientific Breakthrough at Hadron.
Scientists at the Hadron Particle Accelerator Plant in Switzerland have concluded that the universe is doomed to perish. "But, with sufficient funding, we may be able to halt it."
Jimmy Savile Inquiry Ends
Three years on, Lord Chief Justice Hiram Quagmire has ended Scotland Yard's inquiry into the Jimmy Savile paedophile case... because of "lack of evidence".
Give Us Back Our Gold !
Putin has told the U.S. Federal Reserve Bank to return the billions of dollars worth of gold it stole from Russia in 1917.
Reagan's Dream Fulfilled,
Barack Obama calling himself "the Ronald Reagan of the Left" has decided to put an end to education in America. Every student over the age of seventeen is to be sent to university.
Savile Inquiry: Scotland Yard have announced that the paedophile charge against Lord Tintin has been dropped after the Peer fortunately died last week of old age. The case is expected to drag on for another ten years to ensure all similar suspects are dead and forgotten.
Obama Is Knight of Malta
Pope Francis has made President Obama an honorary Knight of Malta. He will take on the name of Constantine.
New Irish Anti-Terrorism Laws
Under new anti-terrorism laws, Irish pensioners seeking rent assistance of 20 Euros or more per week must submit medical records and sperm count.
Pope Francis And Freedom of Speech
In the wake of the Hebdo massacre Pope Francis has come out to 'defend' Freedom of Speech by...er...condemning it.
Obama's New Bill
Obama has authored a new bill to be presented to the HOUSE today. "Nobody with a vested interest in war is allowed to stand for Congress."
.... Yea... right!
Not What you Think at All
CCTCT or the compulsion to disprove conspiracy theory has been officially diagnosed as a psychological ailment by the World Psychiatric Association in service to the New World Order. A new drug called Serenity has been introduced to combat it.
"Please... Don't Let Them Torture Me!"
So pleads ex-U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney in a live video broadcast last night shortly after he was abducted by Al Qaeda.
Kissinger Celebrates Birthday
Henry Kissinger celebrates his 119th birthday at Masonic playground Bohemian Grove. George W. Bush cuts cake.
Shares in "Bush Pill" Company Rocket.
A new pill called the "Bush Pill" designed to relieve Islamophobia is sweeping the US. "Buy 9, Get 2 free", runs the ad.
A man was reportedly upset on a London tube train yesterday when a schoolgirl said something to him about his baldness. Girl is still in custody as police investigation continues.
Dr. Klaus Gotya of the Tavistock Institute London has stated that "Wolfgang Mozart had classic OCD and was curable with the right medication.".
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