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Scientific Breakthrough at Hadron.

Scientists at the Hadron Particle Accelerator Plant in Switzerland have concluded that the universe is doomed to perish. "But, with sufficient funding, we may be able to halt it."

written by Auntie Matter, 14 February 2015
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Jimmy Savile Inquiry Ends

Three years on, Lord Chief Justice Hiram Quagmire has ended Scotland Yard's inquiry into the Jimmy Savile paedophile case... because of "lack of evidence".

written by Auntie Matter, 13 February 2015
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Give Us Back Our Gold !

Putin has told the U.S. Federal Reserve Bank to return the billions of dollars worth of gold it stole from Russia in 1917.

written by Auntie Matter, 11 February 2015
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Reagan's Dream Fulfilled,

Barack Obama calling himself "the Ronald Reagan of the Left" has decided to put an end to education in America. Every student over the age of seventeen is to be sent to university.

written by Auntie Matter, 11 February 2015
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Savile Inquiry.

Savile Inquiry: Scotland Yard have announced that the paedophile charge against Lord Tintin has been dropped after the Peer fortunately died last week of old age. The case is expected to drag on for another ten years to ensure all similar suspects are dead and forgotten.

written by Auntie Matter, 03 February 2015
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Obama Is Knight of Malta

Pope Francis has made President Obama an honorary Knight of Malta. He will take on the name of Constantine.

written by Auntie Matter, 31 January 2015
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New Irish Anti-Terrorism Laws

Under new anti-terrorism laws, Irish pensioners seeking rent assistance of 20 Euros or more per week must submit medical records and sperm count.

written by Auntie Matter, 28 January 2015
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Pope Francis And Freedom of Speech

In the wake of the Hebdo massacre Pope Francis has come out to 'defend' Freedom of Speech by...er...condemning it.

written by Auntie Matter, 15 January 2015
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Obama's New Bill

Obama has authored a new bill to be presented to the HOUSE today. "Nobody with a vested interest in war is allowed to stand for Congress."
.... Yea... right!

written by Auntie Matter, 06 January 2015
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Not What you Think at All

CCTCT or the compulsion to disprove conspiracy theory has been officially diagnosed as a psychological ailment by the World Psychiatric Association in service to the New World Order. A new drug called Serenity has been introduced to combat it.

written by Auntie Matter, 16 December 2014
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"Please... Don't Let Them Torture Me!"

So pleads ex-U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney in a live video broadcast last night shortly after he was abducted by Al Qaeda.

written by Auntie Matter, 14 December 2014
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Kissinger Celebrates Birthday

Henry Kissinger celebrates his 119th birthday at Masonic playground Bohemian Grove. George W. Bush cuts cake.

written by Auntie Matter, 14 December 2014
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Shares in "Bush Pill" Company Rocket.

A new pill called the "Bush Pill" designed to relieve Islamophobia is sweeping the US. "Buy 9, Get 2 free", runs the ad.

written by Auntie Matter, 29 November 2014
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Man Upset

A man was reportedly upset on a London tube train yesterday when a schoolgirl said something to him about his baldness. Girl is still in custody as police investigation continues.

written by Auntie Matter, 27 November 2014
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Mozart Curable

Dr. Klaus Gotya of the Tavistock Institute London has stated that "Wolfgang Mozart had classic OCD and was curable with the right medication.".

written by Auntie Matter, 12 November 2014
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Obama... Ordinary like us.

Yesterday, President Obama was refused entry into a restaurant for not wearing a tie and later fined for double parking and... ordered to return his library books... and thrown off a tram...and...

written by Auntie Matter, 19 October 2014
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Obama's Pledge

Said President Obama with regards to ISIS.
"For every American head they cut off, I will cut off my own!"

written by Auntie Matter, 03 September 2014
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Bringing Your Foreign Spouse to Live with you in the UK?

Community Centres throughout Britain are now running a 3-year course to help you fill in the forms.

written by Auntie Matter, 29 August 2014
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Joan Rivers Loses It

A medical bulletin just released from a Manhattan clinic states that Joan Rivers had stopped talking during throat surgery.

written by Auntie Matter, 28 August 2014
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Sir Dicky Gone but not Forgotten

Nearly a million UK Freemasons are expected to hold a three minutes silence in honour of Sir Richard Attenborough who passed away today. J.K.Rowling will lay a wreath at his grave.

written by Auntie Matter, 25 August 2014
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Reward for Congress

As a reward for betraying the American people President Obama has built an all-expenses paid holiday resort for Congress in Denver.

written by Auntie Matter, 23 August 2014
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Mob Kill Man in Baghdad

A Muslim man claimed on Baghdad TV that he had a near-death experience.

"I went to heaven and had my way with 72 virgins. They weren't as hot as I'd imagined."

The funeral is on Monday.

written by Auntie Matter, 17 August 2014
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Rowling is a Man

Rowling has confessed to her true gender. "Yes, I am a man... the hint was in my name "J.K Rowling"... I am soooooo sorry but I am Dumbledore, Queen of the Muggles, and always have been."

written by Auntie Matter, 15 August 2014
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Pope Disappainted.

A scheduled portrait of Pope Francis that was to have been undertaken by Rolf Harris has been cancelled, the Vatican says.

written by Auntie Matter, 15 August 2014
Showing page 2 (of 7 pages)


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