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UKIP is a fascist party says Lord Heseltine
Takes one to know one, UKIP's Nigel Farage replies, as battled for Nazi hearts and minds goes up a gear
NASA stored Brazilian metadata of millions of web users for one whole year
Eventually it was vaporized in deep space after ejection from International Space Station toilet
Google used smartass accountants to avoid £150m UK tax
Expect imminent nomination for Nobel Fiction Prize
Double whammy as Hillary Clinton TV mini-series and documentary back on cutting room floor
Studio bosses suggest she auditions for role in new remake of the Addams Family
BP faces $18bn, fine
CEO redrafts statement, saying exorbitant charges 'definitely not fine'
Space Station astronauts use robotic arms
New mechanical space guns are pre-programmed to shoot down alien craft
Ex-Sun hack charged over mobile...
er, mobile home that is, forgot to get his road tax
Duck boat fire on River Thames claims more fatalities
Nearly 200 mallards frazzled to cinders as surviving chicks vow to take the Tube next time
Mortgage approvals his new fove year high
Borrowers increasingly using their loans to bankroll lucrative home-grown skunk farms
Two ex-Popes to be made saints in April next year
That's April 1st, in case you wondered
Sheikh McTomb-Raider orders emergency horse drugs seizure inquiry
Great idea! And the junior wife is carrying out the probe, just to keep it in the family.
Turkish PM Recep Tayyip Erdogan removes ban on neckties
Anyone caught not wearing one will get five years and a very sore neck
More human waste discovered in plush central London garden square
Locals are blaming Romanian migrants who were given free repatriation plane tickets home last month and are back with a vengeance
Osborne aims for surplus of budgies by 2020
Think 'Surfeit of Lampreys' with bright yellow feathers to get his drift
Tories promise to scrap Labour's Human Frights Act if re-elected
A replacement Tory Frights Act is being drafted as we go to press
'White Widow worked in halal pie shop and got the runs' says Daily Mail
Maybe they cribbed the story from 'Barking Woman Behind Al Shabab Kebab Massacre', eh?
US accused of blocking 'drone' lawyer
really boring guy, always just drones on and on and on in court...
Chelsea Manning awaits diagnosis in prison
fears docs have already labeled her as attention deficit troll
Treasury says Chancellor Osborne's complained over EU bonus crap
Er, second thoughts, make that 'bonus cap'
Chinese quacks grow new nose on man's forehead
Poor guy's already tried topping himself three times after they stuck it on his ass, his belly button and his armpit
Scientists say fish may not help with memory, thinking skills
Uh, WTF did I leave that smoked salmon I bought at lunchtime today?
Geologists discover Earth got oxygen much earlier than suspected
Some time during the Cretinaceous Period?
The secrets of restoring oysters in the Chesapeake Bay?
Dunk 'em in a glass of Bolly, the fizz will soon perk them up
Head of Aphrodite Statue Excavated in Turkey
Just WHAT was it doing face down in Apollo's naked lap?
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