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Unlike Rick Perry, Obama Does Believe in Climate Change
He just doesn't believe in doing anything about it.
10th Anniversary of 9/11 Brings Painful Reminder of America's Greatest Tragedy
The presidency of George W. Bush
Report: U.S. Schools Turning Out Bumbling Incompetents
The report concludes that the future supply of politicians is assured.
Michelle Obama: President Is Not Having "A Pizza" Party for B-Day
First Lady says, "It's an 'AppeaseMENT' party."
Republicans Will Come To Obama's 50th Birthday After Compromise Is Reached
President will give Republicans gifts, not allow any of his supporters to come. "Now will you like me?" whimpers birthday boy.
Rupert Murdoch Apologizes To Victims of Phone Hacking
Forgets to apologize to victims of News Corp.'s lies, slanders, character assassinations, fabrications, innuendoes, shoddy journalism, falsehoods, personal attacks, etc.
White House Reveals Why Obama Stormed Out of Debt Ceiling Talks
President was angry that Republicans wouldn't give him yet another opportunity to cave in to them.
Chaz Bono Achieves Dream Of Becoming Fat Middle Aged Man
Former woman now repels all women instead of just lesbians.
Martin Sheen Agrees To Star In Remake of "Apocalypse Now" Remake
Sheen will reprise his role as Capt. Willard in search of nonsense spouting madman, who will be portrayed by son Charlie. The twist is, this version is a documentary.
Obama Releases Long-Form Excuse For Breaking Campaign Promises
President also releases short form reason for reelecting him: the other candidates are even more disappointing.
Sen. Jon Kyl Misspeaks Again
Kyl's statement, "90% of what congress does helps America," not intended to be a factual, according to Kyl's press person.
Obama Currently Bombing Four Muslim Nations
President pleads, "How many ragheads do I have to kill to make you understand that I am a faithful follower of the Lord Jesus Christ and a devout practitioner of all his teachings?"
Fukushima Nuke Plant Owner Hires Former BP Chief Tony Hayward
At official hiring ceremony Fukushima owners praise Haywards crisis management experience as Hayward asks for life back and heads off to yacht race.
Obama Libya Shocker!
U.S. will not send troops to oil-rich Muslim country.
Democrats Offers Compromise To Restore NPR Funding
NPR will refer to Democrats as "lying, traitorous cowards" and President Obama as "foreign-born Muslim socialist." GOP says "No deal" unless racism, misogyny, xenophobia, homophobia are added.
Huckabee Says He Misspoke About Obama Living In Kenya
Ex-governor explains his comments about Obama's upbringing and hatred of whites were brought on by his own reflexive hatred of blacks due to his upbringing in Arkansas and his membership in the KKK.
Charlie Sheen Will Appear On Two Series
Will appear as himself on both "Intervention" and "Scared Straight."
Democrats Hope To Accomplish Something By Running Away
Once again leave it up to their constituents to do their dirty work for them.
Charlie Sheen To Star In "Two And A Half Men" Spinoff
"Two And A Half Times The Legal Limit" to premiere in September.
National Rifle Association Brings Out New Bumper Sticker
"As Long As NRA Fights Gun Laws Outlaws Will Have Guns"
Cheney Says He May Need Heart Transplant
Says right now he barely has the energy to shoot people in the face.
Heart Transplant Candidate Cheney Wonders Why He Has To Wait For Donor
"Can't they just kill a detainee and give the heart to me?" former VP asks.
Palin, Beck Rally To Defense of Osama Bin Laden
Insist that like them, his messages calling for violence are not responsible for terrorist acts.
Disturbed Woman's Paranoid Rant About Tuscon Shooting Becomes Youtube Sensation
Palin plans to follow up with video denying connection to Charlie Sheen's hotel rampage.
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