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Wanted: Baseball Umpire

REquired...Sense of fair play, knowledge of the game of Baseball, Must be self assured. No applicant WITHOUT glasses at least two inches thick will be considered.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Wanted: Sidekick

Awesome Man seeks less interesting hero sidekick. Flashy costume good, weaker super powers than Awesome Man's important, ability to be captured and/or tortured by villains a must.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Wanted: Knife Salesman

Needed: Steady Hands, Winning Smile, Good People Skills, Very Thick Skin and Large Box of Band-Aids bandages

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Monster problem

Count Dracula was told today by his dentist that his fangs are suffering from serious decay and will have to be removed. Drac is looking into dentures.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Wanted : Delievery Boy

Must be reliable. Must be able to swallow small balloons. Must not ask questions.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Electrolux Vacuum Cleaners Change Motto

Electrolux vacuum cleaners will no longer be "The ones that REALLY REALLY SUCK!!!"

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Wanted: Cab driver

Knowledge of the city necessary. Ability to speak English not.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Press Release from Sharpie

Sharpie markers say "Not for Letter Writing" on them. A spokesman from the company stated today "They're just for writing NUMBERS!!"

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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New Warning Label 2

A label on a window purchased at the hardware store said "For indoor or outdoor use."

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Greed for the ages

Donald Trump tried today to copyright the phrase "Yeah, but" and demand payment of $0.25 every time anyone said it.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Marital Problem

A Boston man called emergency services today to ask what to do when his wife actually did not have a headache and wanted to have sex with him.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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New Warning Label

All bananas now must come with a Federal Government's Warning..."Caution!! Peel May Be Slippery!!"

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Wanted: Political radio talk show host

Ability to speak clearly a must. No strong regional accents, please. Belief that one political party are gods and the other is demonic required.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Wanted: Lion Tamer

Must not be afraid of cats. Must be good with people. Ability to re-grow limbs gnawed off a plus.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Wanted: Political Scapegoat

Job requires ability to talk for a long time without saying anything. Ability to dress nicely required. Stammering a good trait. No backbone or sense of honesty required.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Wanted: Dental assistant

Must have Masters degree. Experience in the field a must. Sadism a plus.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Wanted: Cartoonist

New live broadcast cartoon seeks cartoon artist. Must be able to draw very quickly.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Wanted: Computer programer

Must be able to use HTML, BASIC. Must be able to use windows, sliding glass doors and operate Microsoft Windows.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Wanted: K-Mart Pharmacist

Must have good people skills. Must be able to read Latin. Ability to count over ten a plus.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Bad Guy Gets New Henchman

Batman's longtime enemy, the Penguin, has branched out in his efforts to defeat Batman. The Penguin is now hiring puffins as well.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 29 January 2010
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Weightlifting wonder

Pat Robertson, age 79, still claims to be able to leg press 2000 lbs. Nobody seems to believe him.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 28 January 2010
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Clinton message to Obama

"Learn to play an instrument. I won my second term as president based only on my SAX appeal!"

written by Xinix Xaxx, 28 January 2010
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Tomorrow's Forecast

Tomorrow it will be cold. Very cold. Cold enough to freeze a snowman's ass off.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 28 January 2010
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Chickens protest

A flock of chickens protesting bad jokes, led a protest march, ironically, back and forth across a road.

written by Xinix Xaxx, 28 January 2010
Showing page 2 (of 3 pages)


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