Spoof Snippets
Showing snippets written by Ellis Ian Fields.
Show all snippets.
So Farewell, Sidney Lumet
Show me someone who doesn't want to be Henry Fonda in Twelve Angry Men.
Terrific! Thank you.
So Farewell, Elizabeth Taylor.
Hope you and Dickie will be happy together in Heaven.
Top Tip:
Intending to breathe today? Don't allow the tubes from your nose or throat to your lungs to be blocked.
Thought For The Day:
OMG - they go on about Bono... can someone shut Annie Lennox up? Please?
Top Tip:
When donning trousers, the long, tube-like structures are the legs. Try to ensure that where they meet is at the top.
Top Tip:
Remove clothing before showering... it will be easier to dry yourself afterwards.
Top Tip:
Shoeshop staff: If you haven't got it in an eight, I couldn't give a monkey's that you have it in a seven or a nine.
Tell me again, and I'll shove 'em down your throat!
So Farewell, Jane Russell
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes? Not this one. You'd have been all right by me (if I was around then, obviously).
So Farewell, Suze Rotolo
Dun-Freewheelin'. (Sorry I'm late - I only just saw your obituary).
So Farewell, Gary Moore
But that Parisienne Walkways sustain will sustain for ever!
Escaped Pigs On The Loose In Southampton
Last seen on M27, with sign reading: "Get us out of here PLEASE! Take us to Pompey!"
Britain's Debt Rising by £7,000 A Second
Going to have to give up that Sky subscription... cut down on the wine... and I keep telling you about using the credit card!
So Farewell, Gerry Rafferty
The Night Owl of Baker Street, you're no longer stuck in the middle with us. That sax solo and guitar break were the soundtrack of my '78.
Oh dear - there are far too many "So Farewells," lately!
So farewell Pete Postlethwaite:
Saw you on stage with the RSC. Brilliant.
Midwives Call For "Seismic Shift"
"I, for one, am fed up to the back teeth with the way the continents look. Every year, in the atlas, everything's the same. It's time for a change," says top midwife Felicia Fontanelle.
Fire Damages Belgian Beer Abbey
EIF News & Features staff in panic buying spree...
Nearly One In Five To Reach 100
Calm down... nearly 1 in 5. That's more than 4 in 5 won't. You and I know who will, don't we?
So Farewell, Captain Beefheart.
Sorry - I only saw your obits today.
And sorry - I just never got it, although I gather I should have.
Thought For The Day:
Boobee-doo do do ... pom te pompom. Tramps like us... what? Oh sorry, tuned out there for a mo... where were we? Ah, yes - the significance of faster-than-light travel in the works of Jane Austen...
Top Tip:
Vegetarians - while it will probably cause you no harm, be aware that eating meat will mean you should no longer label yourself "vegetarian."
Moodys in Sharp Irish Downgrade
"I can't see us playing Dublin or Belfast again any time soon," said lead singer and guitarist Justin Hayward.
Top Tip:
When solving crosswords, remember: you can only write one letter in a box where answers cross.
Send To A Friend
Send this site to a friend!
Mailing List
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!