Showing snippets written by Mark Mywords.
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Mickey Rourke Eats A Rose
But the Madam of the brothel says Ingrid, Jade and Charlene are still available, and willing to accept clitoral stimulation for £30.
Ant and Dec Barred From Jonathon Ross Show
"It's fwustwa'in bu' nobody knows nuffin wot they twayin to say," says Woss
Now all we need are the rest of the lottery numbers for Saturday.
Derren Brown In Lottery Numbers Agony
Illusionist gets all the numbers correct, but the t**t forgot to buy a f**king lottery ticket!
'Spoof' Top-Heavy With Stories About Breast Appreciation Day
How many more can be squeezed out?
"No Sex For England During World Cup" says Fabio Capello
Which is no problem, as most England 'fans' will be too pissed to fart, next June, let alone shag!
Al Qaeda Deny Plot To Blow Up Jordan's Tits
"Even WE couldn't blow those f**kers up any bigger," said AQ spokesman Wasim Wanger
Prime Minister Inspires New Nintendo Game
Gordon Brown features in the new Nintendo game, 'Wii Shit'
Winner Announced In Internet Game
Gordon Brown has been declared the runaway winner in the internet craze 'The Lying Clown Game'
Torquay United Confident Of Obtaining Becks
Apparently the groundsman has gone to the off-licence for six bottles as we speak.
Flintshire council named most efficient in UK after 'spotted dick' clampdown
The recognition 'well deserved', as clearly the local authority has nothing better to do than debate the name of a sponge pudding.
Al Qaeda forbids its members from watching TV
The leadership have announced it has imposed a complete 'Telly Ban'
Manchester City deny poaching players
said a club spokesperson during a hastily scrambled press conference
UK chancellor to use Jordan in bid to save economy
Alistair Darling confirms that everyone will feel much better with some 'quantitative teasing'.
New sponsor for Andy Murray in bid to win US open
Andy Murray reveals Mafia to sponsor him for remainder of US Open. The deal obliges him to use a protection racket.
Robbie Williams finds evidence of UFOs in his toilet bowl
It was later discovered that they were just crap circles.
Basques to vote on self-determination
Suspender belts, g-strings and a variety of other forms of erotic lingerie also demand right to vote.
Gary Lineker Marries His Model Bride
His ex-wife Michelle said something plastic and lifeless will complement his personality perfectly.
Jack Swede Remanded!
Alleged 'roaster' Jack Swede has today been remanded in custard. Police say he is getting his just desserts.
England Skipper Denies Players Go Down Easily
England 'skipper' John Terry strenuously denied that English players go down easily. His wife says he needs at least five pints before he goes down these days.
Rising Porn Star Lorelei On 'Hard Times'
Rising porn star Lorelei Lee has admitted that she is becoming increasingly strapped for cash.
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