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Lady Gaga Sits on Yoko Ono
Correction. A major story reported that Lady Gaga apparently had the opportunity to sit on Yoko Ono this weekend, when in fact the quote should have been "I got to sit in on Yoko Ono." Sorry.
Salon Owner Comments on Rose O'Donnell Vajazzling
There aren't enough Swarovski crystals in the world.
Hacker Stole My Identity!
After going over my personal files, has contacted me begging to take it back.
Mel Gibson Weighs in on Koran Burning Debaucle
Mel Gibson announced today that if that panty waist preacher from Gainesville is too chicken to burn the Koran, he can step aside and let a real religious whackjob take over. Then he hit a woman.
New Documentary on Tony Blair's Life After Leaving Office to Air in UK
"The Blair Witch Hunt Project" is set to air in fall on BBC. Check your newspapers for local listings.
Willy Wonka Candy Comes Up with New Candy
Due to the upsurge in popularity in everything Stephen Hawking says these days, Willy Wonka has named a new candy after him. It's called "Hawking Goobers"
Prince Poppycock Steps up Game for Next Week on America's Got Talent
He's decided to add a character to his act. Baron von Balderdash. It should be quite the show.
Tea Party Has New Manifesto
They now go by the creed "Give Us Liberty or We'll Shoot"
Americans Asked Who They'd Like as Next American Idol Judge
A large majority overwhelmingly picked Krusty the Clown not realizing he was nothing more than a cartoon character.
Goldman Sachs Bans Cursing in E-Mails
Oh, they can still rip people off, but they have to do it without uttering bad words.
Biggest News for American Theatre Goers
AMC Loews has announced the incredible news that it will be offering $1 drinks and popcorn this Sunday to anyone who attends a movie.
Sarah Palin Repudiates Her Twitter Messages
Sarah Palin today repudiated the fact that she asked Muslims in New York to refudiate the mosque being planned in close proximity to the ground zero site. She refused to refute she couldn't spell.
Bristol and Levi Decide to "Do the Right Thing"
Brstol Palin and Levi Johnston announced today that they are ready to do the right thing regardless of what Sarah says. They are voting for a Progressive Democrat in the next Presidential election.
Steve Jobs Announces Fix for iPhone 4 Glitch
Apple's Steve Jobs announced today that frustrated iPhone 4 owners are now going to have a solution to the antenna problem. The fix has been aptly named "The Rubber Buggered iPhone Bumper."
Oil Leak Finally Capped Temporarily
BP says the cap is holding the oil at bay but not sure if the oil underneath is going someplace else. There are reports today of oil gushing from geysers at Yellowstone Park. No connection they say.
Lady Gaga Introduces New Fragrance "Bizarre"
This unusual scent comes from exclusive French perfume designer Peu Empestent. The odor is said to resemble a cross between a musty consignment shop bustier and a relatively inexpensive cognac.
GOP Senator Claims Women Changing Politics is Cruel Hoax
"Believe me, they are no better than we men."
Kate Gosselin Still New at Celebrity Thing
Instead of spending money on botox injections, maybe Kate should spend it on paying someone to give her a clue on whether or not to go into public after just having her face beat up on purpose.
Sports World Turned on Its Ear
After the marathon match between John Isner and Nicolas Mahut, tennis now replaces chess as the most boring sport in the World.
Serena Williams Won't Be Playing Before the Queen
Although several reasons have been given, the real reason Serena has been switched from Centre Court is because the Queen is fearful that her fans may bring those dreadful vuvuzelas to cheer her on.
Longest Tennis Match Finally Over
A huge break came when an over-zealous French fan brought his vuvuzela to the match to cheer on Nicolas Mahut, clinching a win for John Isner.
Quentin Tarantino Scores with Sequel
He's just wrapping up filming of his next big sequel "From Dusk Till Dawn: Wimbledon"
Next on Jerry Springer: Women Who Want to Date Joran van der Sloot
Since Van der Sloot has been jailed, he's gotten hundreds of marriage proposals from women all over the world. Must be his "killer" looks.
Woman Shoots Self in Shoulder to Ease Rotator Cuff Pain
Thank God she didn't have a headache!
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