Showing snippets written by Nik Voelz.
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Iran, Iran, Iran
Imad, Imad, Imad
Burnt Tree Gets Cremated Against His Wishes
One surviving family member of the tree said, "His wishes were for his body to be petrified, but all that's left after the fire are these ashes. At least he didn't go like his decapitated uncle."
Duck Guns Down Walrus
When asked why he did it the duck said, "It's just a respect thing. What...do you think I'm some quack?" Commented walrus family, "I hope he never gets fed a single bread crumb as long as he lives!"
Sailor Loses Hat In Ocean
Officials arranged a search party to locate the sailor's hat, which had blown off some where in the Atlantic or Indian Oceans. Said sailor, "No, it wasn't a special hat, I just liked the attention."
Man Finds Stick In Woods
"It was so cool. There I was, walking in the woods and all of a sudden I see this stick on the ground. It's like it was waiting there just for me. Now I can do all sorts of cool stuff with it."
Two Big Parcel Companies Merge
FedEx and UPS have merged to become, "FedUp"
NHL To Introduce Clumped Cat Litter Pucks
Said one player, "Yeah, when you add the element of projectile cat feces, it really adds even more excitement to the game."
80 Year Old Man Removes "Kick Me" Tag Left Since Childhood
"I never understood why my butt was so sore my whole life," said Willard."One doctor said it was buttocks spasms. I never realized it was just a cruel joke, and one that lasted 72 years.
North Korean Missiles Filled With Candy
A spokesman for the Japanese Defense Ministry said today that they believe now that North Korea's plan for launching missiles is part of, "Project Tootsie: To Share Delicious Candy With The World."
Man Believes His Real Parents Were Squirrels
Said Mr. Roedaunt, "Well, all this time I could never explain this bushy tail. And while everybody in my family would be at the dinner table, there I'd be all by myself, up in a tree eating nuts."
Obama Teleprompter Words Switched
Obama was to give a speech, today, about North Korea. Instead, confused on lookers sat and listened as he read, "Stay tuned to eye witness 5 news for more coverage of severe weather in your area."
Today's inspirational quote...
"243o2saa*&jkl#$pjp" - cat walking on a keyboard
Breaking News: Teenage Girl Types "lol :)" to Friend
This exchange was followed by "LMAO". Ironically this last communication meant, "lemmings must attack otters"...tss who knew?
Aim Your Chocometer
Astronomers have learned for the first time that dark matter is in fact dark chocolate, and is incredibly delicious with wine.
Facebook Rolls Out New Motto
Facebook: Where you can find out just how little time people have for you.
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