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Lloyd - Webber Missus Gutted
F++k - Toadlike Hubby May Live!
Postal Workers To Decide Which Items May Be Delivered
Forget strikes. From now on, temporary postal staff will inspect your mail, remove cash, credit cards and cheques and shred your post to prevent identity theft. So that's all right then.
Mangelson - Top or Bottom?
The world needs to know - is Lord Peter Mangelson (Business Secretary and Minister With A Finger In Every Pie) giving it or taking it? Is the nickname "Mangy" a clue?
Tony Blair May Be War Criminal
Well, fuck me! I never thought of that.
For Fuck's Sake
Why do people put apostrophes where they are not required?
Train Unharmed As Baby Carriage Blocks Line
A 250 tonne railway train today avoided disaster when a 200 kilogram 3-wheel offroad armoured baby carriage was thrown on the tracks. Driver says "vandals will cause catastrophe if this goes on"!
Tony Bliar Pays Respects To Saint's Relics
The former Prime Minister today prayed at the altar in St Paul's where the relics of St Jade the Goody were displayed for the last time. Says "She inspires me and many other chav-minded folk".
Italian Army Pays Taleban Not To Attack.
British army pays Taleban to attack Italians. Seems fair.
Postal Strike Called Off
Strike notices held up in mail by postal workers industrial action.
Madonna, Amy Winehouse & Janet Street-Porter In Nude Lesbian Love Scene
Now there's a picture in your mind that you didn't want!
Prime Minister Gordon Brown Is Nearly Blind
In a possible explanation for poor government, it has been disclosed that Mr Brown is suffering from rectal tears, caused by jamming his head up his arse. How this affects eyesight is not known.
Man Found Half-Naked, Drunk In Park
He was wearing a Manchester City replica shirt and had a ring of lipstick around his penis. A 12 inch pink dildo was found in his anus. To save his family embarrassment, police removed the shirt.
Burka "Lots Cheaper Than Plastic Surgery"
Islamic husbands report.
Sandwell Council Restates Nuclear Free Status
Thank fuck for that, says mad-eyed Iranian despot. One more bunch of defenceless twats.
PM Gordon Brown Being Shat Upon By Mangelson
But he's too thick to see through it.
Bigfoot Identified - Shit Found In Washington State
Scientists followed an Andrex trail from a giant toilet in the NW woods. A young Bigfoot was found wound in tissue, suffocated at the end of the roll. "He may have been playing" says Dr Bob Hope, UCLA
Graduates To Pay More Income Tax
Student Union leadership says there is no chance that students will avoid the tax by leaving unversity just before graduation.
School Secretary Ed Balls To Change Name By Deed Poll.
Wishes to be known as Ed Fuckup from now on.
South African Athletics Federation Leader Admits "Error"
Confesses - "I didn't go to Specsavers"!
South African World Record Holder Confirmed - She's A Girl!
Her father, Fatima Whitbread says so.
Indian Tycoon To Buy Renault F1 Racing Team
Austin Westminster to return to Grand Prix start grids.
New Rub-On Viagra Developed
Women resigned to clumsy foreplay as mens' fingers are too stiff.
Katie Price says - "It was Shergar as raped me"
And then he fuckin' disappeared!
Breaking News On Katie Price Rapist
There is a slender possibility that the secret identity of Katie Price's alleged rapist will soon be made public.
World waits aghast - which of her 6,359 intimate "friends" could it possibly be?
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