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Jamie Vardy was abducted by aliens!!
Speedy Leicester striker, Jamie Vardy, was abducted by aliens and they transformed him from an amateur no-hoper into a world-beater! Louis van Gaal has begged Jamie for the alien address, guess why?
Swinging Prince Harry promises the Obama's a royal swing!
After their luxurious dinner at Kensington Palace, Prince Harry, has promised the Obamas an "after swing party" in Soho. Barack just cannot wait to see his missus "swinging" with Bojo!
Cameron not alone in his tax-free haven!
It seems that the worst form of satirical scumbag, Jaggedone & his dreaded CIA (Google it) can compete with Cameron by depositing his wealth under a sweaty Panama Hat. And you can vote for him too!
United announce; van Gaal to stay!
To quash any further BS written about United's glorious Dutch manager, LVG, the club said he will stay! Global hospitals where United fans tend to reside are being overwhelmed by suicide victims!
Beating Trump's Bush!
Jaggedone's CIA has exposed Trump's most loyal supporters by beating his Bush at the local loony bin in Boston, USA. They will all be voting for him, no doubt, because solidarity will win in the end!
Nigerians make $16 billion dollars vanish!
Nigerian magicians working with corrupt politicians have made $16 billion dollars vanish into thin air! This marvellous trick was so brilliant not even the local Witchdoctor noticed! Black Magic!
Sharapova, a grunt too many!
Famous grunting queen, Maria Sharapova, has told the truth about what drove her to grunting professionally, it was an overdose of viagra! Her sponsors, Nike & co, have given her "The Smash"!
The Pope is a Headbanger!
During his Mexican visit The Pope decided to bang his head against a US wall proving not only that he's a "Headbanger" but a hypocrite too because his home, The Vatican, has more walls than China!
Danish kiddies paradise Legoland is a nightmare for United!
Louis van Gaal took his bunch of multimillionaire superstars for a day out to Legoland. Sadly, Danish amatuer brickies build their walls slightly stronger and United's walls, made of crap, crashed!
Is Stephen really Wilde?
Stephen Fry claims he is the reincarnated Oscar Wilde, after his BAFTA disaster many believe he might be right, wild not Wilde!
It had to happen sooner or later!
Mark, prestigious editor of the infamous The Spoof, has been removed in a straight jacket after writers discovered he had his marbles crossed and wires loose; maybe it's better that way!
Jaggedone's new newsflashes from under his grubby overcoat!
Politicians, footballers, Justin Bieber, etc, are shaking in their boots hoping that Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) does not feature them! Wicked bastard!
Somalia discovers latest exterminating machine!
A plane with a hole in its side landed at Mogadishu airport! 60 passengers were onboard at takeoff and 0 left at landing! The plane is called "Arbeit Macht Frei" ISIS has ordered a fleet of 100!
Bill Gates on Desert Island Discs!
Bill Gates appears on BBC 4's Jurassic radio programme, Desert Island Discs divulging his top 10 fav discs and a special one is; I am the Walrus - Apple Record dedicated to Steve Jobs, say's it all!
Will he or won't he??
King Louis van Gaal has created a Dutch Dilemma at Manchester United, will he retire or not? The great debate. He was last seen kicking up daisies in his Portugal residence, maybe that's the clue!
Moonwalking! No English Spacewalking!
Brit astronaut, Tim Peake, walking in space decided to show off and do a version of Whacko Jacko's, Moonwalking! Houston were not pleased so they told Tim either come back in or go to hell in heaven!
Chaps will be Chapo's!
Notorious prison breaker, El Chapo, and Sean Penn, naughty chap, met before El Chapo was captured, but he assured Sean, "see you soon the boy's are already digging" Sean will play El Chapo soon!
Angie Merkel naked! How horrific!
In solidarity with the Cologne sex attack victims, Angela Merkel will stand naked under the Cologne Dome hoping this action will put off sex attackers forever! She has a point!
Kim Jong un is just so Bombastic!
North Korean nutter, Kim Jong un, scared the shit out of the world by supposedly testing H bombs, however, he claims that Tom Jones's "Sex Bomb" is to blame because he feels it's a blast!
Erskine Quint goes to Hollywood!
Erskine goes to Hollywood, but not in a gay way, however Frankie did!!
Volga Olga to be crowned Miss Universe 2015!
After the scandal around Miss Columbia, the title has now gone to Volga Olga, 85 year-old Russian horny hag!
Chelsea love affair is over!
The greatest West End soap opera love affair between A Special one and his Russian Prince has ended! They shook hands (a golden one), kissed and parted. The huge question; who is Bluer now?
King Louis slips up again on his banana skins!
King Louis van Gaal has been offered a role in Disney's new version of Jungle Book! He will play King Louis, the king baboon. A made to measure role because he loves slipping up on banana skins!
Merkel Time Magazine's person of the year! Scheisse!
She's done it again, Angie Merkel is person of the year 2015 and I'm sure many impoverished, poor, desperate Greeks driven to the brink of bankruptcy and suicide will be over the moon!
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