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For Sale: 12 Clockwork Clowns.
Used but in good condition for more information contact Sandro Rosell, The FC Barcelona Camp Nou Stadium, Avinguda Aristides Maillol, s/n
08028, Barcelona.
Duke of Edinburgh on three-day visit to Canada
More evidence that the Canadians have done enough to beat the Australians in the race to replace the pound when it collapses next year.
John Terry reaffirms retirement but would consider England SOS call
So if a petty racist is needed Terry's your man.
Selena Gomez delivered a rare fashion faux pas
In an attempt to win back Justin Beiber the 'Spring Breakers' star wore an outfit based on Anne Frank's concentration camp uniform.
Peter Beardsley speaks on Luis Suarez incident.
The former Liverpool great said "I never tried to bite anyone during a match"
Widmerpool prize to be renamed
The Widmerpool prize is to be renamed in honor on George Osbourne, the wrong kind of chancellor.
ATOS asses Thatcher "Fit to Work"
The former PM will be forced to go back into the Lords the day after her funeral. A spokesman said "No one will notice another rotting corpse in there."
Budget supermarkets in bidding war
Lidl and Aldi are in a bidding war over the carcasses of all the dead horses from this years Aintree meeting. Last years went into Findus Burgers.
Lib Dems look to dump Nick for Vince
The party look to restore their image by dumping Nick the passive prag who does everything the tories say with out question for Vince the grumpy fag who does everything the tories say but has a moan.
The majority of people asked what they would like to hear George Osbourne say today gave one reply
"We'd really like to hear him give a resignation speech."
Rupert Murdoch Very angry and press deal
The press boss has summoned David Cameron to explain himself and hinted that the photos will be published if Dave doesn't do as he says.
Cameron denies being Murdoch's puppet
However photos show that Murdoch is operating Dave in much the same way as Keith Harris operates Orville
Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez dies watching TV
The Socialist leader already weakened by cancer suffered a fatal heart attack while watching the Champions League tie between Man United and Real Madrid. He became distressed when Nani was sent off.
The Queen leaves Hospital
Cry's of "Dam and blast she got over it." are heard coming from Clarence House, the official residence of Prince Charles.
Taser gun used on man near Downing Street
Police challenged the man who shouted "I'm a senior Tory you fucking pleb" at which point the officer withdrew his Taser gun and shot at point blank range.
English Heritage take Kate to task
English Heritage have intervened after plans became public that Kate Duchess of Cambridge plans to knock the whole of the ground floor of the grade one listed Clarence House into one large kitchen.
Golden Dawn for UKIP
Far right party come second to the Liberal Hypocrites in spite of Cameron lowering net migration by forcing British people to look for work elsewhere.
EU to cap bankers bonuses
David Cameron reassures bankers that they will still be able to take vast amounts of their customers money when they fail in the UK.
Liverpool's Raheem Sterling has lost his zip
Manager Brendon Rodgers said "It's down to his boutique jeans the zipper is hidden." Stephen Gerrard was able to help with what Rodgers said was "a miracle of dexterity at the cottage upright"
Pilot badger culls to go ahead
The RAF are ready for some tough dogfights with the little fellows who are said to have a fleet of MIG fighters given to them by President Putin.
Bona ome in papal running.
Having vaderd the drag that come with the job a bona dorcas is said to have thrown his capello into the ring.
UK's credit rating cut humiliating, say Labour
"But not as humiliating as losing the biscuit game after PMQ's as I did last week." George Osbourne replies.
Rush Limbaugh says he is ashamed to be American
Americans have been saying that they are ashamed that Limbaugh is a member of the human race for years,
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