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Cameron had "sex with a pig"
Diane Abbot issues denial before reading whole story.
ITV announce new series of 'Love thy Neighbour'
Controversial sitcom about a white working class man and his black neighbour is to return this winter. "We feel that Eddie Booth, the bigoted socialist loudmouth would be a Corbynite" ITV said.
New Human like Creature discovered.
A primitive ancestor thought to be a missing link between apes and modern man has been discovered. Scientists think it was both backward and reactionary in nature and have named it Homo Corbynosis.
Miley Cyrus comes out as media whore
Although we have all known it for years the former Hannah Montana star today confirmed that she was indeed a media whore willing to do anything and everything to get column inches.
NME to be given away free.
The music paper has taken the decision after a survey showed that students were more likely to use freesheets such as The Metro for toilet paper rather than the traditional NME.
BBC Springwatch to get makeover
With the return of Hunting with Hounds in the Queens Speech, Springwatch will now be presented by Jeremy Clarkson and feature footage of dogs ripping Foxes and Badgers to death.
NFL stars to donate brains for medical research
Unfortunately the two unnamed players idea of removing each others brains with a table saw before sending them to USC went every so slightly wrong.
Woods pulls out with back injury.
Vonn said to be a little frustrated that he didn't finish.
Thierry Henry: Former Arsenal and France striker retires from football
He plans to make a bit to join the France Handball team for the Rio Olympics.
What is the difference between Russell Brand and David Mellor
One supports West Ham and the other supports Chelsea.
Alan Pardew: Newcastle manager backed by club owner Mike Ashley
David Moyes is expected to unveiled as the Magpies new boss on Wednesday.
Scottish independence: Queen 'above politics', Buckingham Palace says
However Prince Charles is not so will be sticking his nose in where it isn't wanted.
UKIP Claims To Have Solved The Ripper Mystery Using DNA
A spokesman for the party said: "We can confirm that Jack the Ripper was a Polish immigrant proving that immigrants have always been bad and we need to get rid of them all."
Islamic State action 'not ruled out' by David Cameron
"Look if we get a bloody nose from UKIP in Clacton I'll have to do something to upstage Farage, and sending the troops in would be perfect." The Prime Minister told BBC Breakfast this morning.
Gary Barlow 'settling tax affairs ASAP'
"I've made a huge donation to the Tory party plus I'm going speak at conference so it's all settles" Barlow told the BBC's Newsbeat.
UK terror threat level raised to 'severe'
Theresa May is said to have taken this decision to divert attention from a week of damaging headlines for the Tory Party.
Norwich's Fry nears £8m QPR switch
QPR are close paying a record £8m to Norwich City for the affections of super fan Stephen Fry. It is the first supporter transfer since West Ham paid Shrewsbury Town £2m for Derek Smalls in 1982.
BBC announce Assange to join SCT
Julian Assange will leave the Ecuadorian embassy to compete in this years 'Strictly Come Dancing'. The 43 year old former lecturer will also be the first sex offender to appear on the BBC since Savile
Mourinho reveals he is building Chelsea for decade of dominance
Bookmakers slash the odds on him being fired before Christmas.
Luiz Felipe Scolari resigns as Brazil coach.
He has now been installed as Bookies favorite as the next Chelsea coach, making a return to the West London club around Christmas.
Rescue helicopter finds Jedward stranded on sandbank
Following the rescue the helicopter crew have since been placed in protective custardy after the Irish Coast Guard received threats from music lovers.
Cameron pledges £1bn to people with dementia
"Look you have to be demented to think I deserve a second term." He said at a press conference.
Sid the Sexist returns his free Current Bun
Lovable Geordie rascal Sid the Sexist has returned the 'Free Sun'. "It were nowt any good like." he said, continuing "It didny have any tits in it. No tits no way." he continued.
Celtic appoint Delia as new manager
The former Norwich chair and TV cook will have a 12 rolling contract at Celtic Park. She joins Clermont manager Helena Costa in being a female manager of a male team. Costa was an assistant at Celtic.
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