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Ted Cruz Challenges Joe Biden To Gun Control Debate
Sen. Cruz noted that VP Joe Biden reportedly plans to revive a push for gun control decided to challenge the VP to a debate. However the VP declined because it was scheduled past his bedtime.
Words of Wisdom from Crazy Joe
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Response to First Time Ad and Lena Dunham
She's a B-level nobody exploited by a failing campaign. How many more times will we see millennials replay their predictable, narcissistic, and vacuous "art"?
Westboro Baptist Church Leader Arrested
Westboro Baptist Church leader Fred Phelps arrested and charged with espionage, treason, attempted murder and collusion with a known terrorist organization.
Miss Zombie Universe Contest
Charleston, SC--The Democratic Party has issued a statement today stating that they will be hosting the first ever Miss Zombie Universe Pageant. Judges are Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Pres. Obama.
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid Hospitalized
With today's release of the SCOTUS of the Affordable Healthcare Act, Senator Reid clutched his chest and fell to the floor of the Senate. More to come.
SCOTUS Releases Verdict on Affordable Healthcare Act
Today, with the release of its verdict on the Affordable Healthcare Act, the SCOTUS struck down the whole act stating that forcing Americans to by a product is illegal. Nancy Pelosi's head exploded.
Beloved Storybook Characters Arrested
Today, the butcher, baker and candlestick maker were arrested. The butcher for beating his meat, the baker for inserting his special cream in donuts and the candlestick maker for penis candlesticks.
Winner of Republican Women Against Democrat Women Beauty Contest
Winner of the Republican Women Against Democrat Women Beauty Contest with of total of 5 million votes is Kimberly Guilfoyle from Fox News. Dead Last was Nancy Pelosi with 4 votes. Congrats Kimberly.
More Democrats Ditch Convention
More Dems are skipping their National Convention claiming that it is too boring. Some incumbents claim the shows are awful and most about Pres. Obama. One Dem said, "I'd rather watch grass grow."
Debbie Wasserman Schultz Is a Liar
Debbie Wasserman Schultz has been promulgating erroneous claims about the GOP-aligned Johnson and Johnson. She claims that J&J products did not make her prettier as its ads claim. J&J denies her claim
Unknown Tribe of Hillbillies found in Tennessee Hills
Today in a lost region of America, an entire race of hillbillies have been found and documented in the Tennessee Hills. Dubbed the Clampetts in honor of Jed Clampett from Beverly Hills, CA.
Palestinians Fire Over 80 Rockets At Southern Israel From Gaza
IDF returns fire using captured Palestinian prisoners in catapults..Israeli soldiers stated that this was their capture and release technique. Israel prefers not to hold our enemies.
LA Declares war on Sodas and Snacks
Today LA Mayor Antonio R. Villaraigosa removed all soda and snack machines from parks, libraries and schools. He calls it "Keep our kids off liposuction" campaign. LA plastic surgeons drop support.
Most Arrogant Man In The World
Today's competition is between President Barack Obama, Eric Holder, Johnny Depp, Alec Baldwin and Vice President Joe Biden. Today's winner is PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA..
Eric Holder sticks to his guns and shoots from the hip.
US AG Eric Holder upon receiving his contempt charge, dropped his pants and pissed on Rep. Darryl Issa. He shouted, "Now this is contempt." Issa fired back, "No that's too small for contempt."
Michigan School Union Demands Members Bank Account, Credit Card Numbers To Guarantee Union Leaders Vacations
Debbie Bence, president of the Plymouth-Canton Association, sent a letter to her union members on June 4 stating that dues had to be paid early so union leaders could go on vacation to Hawaii.
Anti-Romney "Protesters" Being Paid To Heckle…
Two protesters said they were getting paid to stand outside of a Romney rally. One woman said she and another man said he was paid $17 per hour. SEIU and David Axelrod were seen leaving the event.
Democratic Party Makes an Astounding Announcement on Mitt Romney
The Democrat Party issued a statement concerning Mitt Romney. Their statement is, "HE'S WHITE," and left it at that. Voters were amazed to find out the Republican candidate is white.
First Lady Charged With Solicitation
Michelle Obama is being charged by the FBI for soliciting money. The First Lady sent out an email to supporters requesting money in $3 increments. The FBI attempts to connect others with the scam.
President Obama hospitalized by Michelle Obama
President Obama is listed in fair condition today after being admitted to Georgetown University Hospital. His injuries are the result of a beating at the hands of First Lady who kept saying "OPRAH!"
The First Lady Challenges Oprah Winfrey to a Deathmatch
Today, First Lady Michelle Obama challenged talk show host Oprah Winfrey to a death match. The First Lady's challenge to Oprah is due to a picture that surfaced showing Oprah groping President Obama.
Talk Show Host Marries Dog
Bill Maher, host of Real Time, decided after 5 years of companionship it was time to marry his best friend. The 7-year old pitbull named Precious was so excited she urinated on the alter.
Democrats Force Zombie Food Stamp Bill Through Both houses
In an outstanding display of trickery not seen since the passing of the Affordable Healthcare Act, Democrats passed the Zombie Food Stamp Act in a close vote. Zombies everywhere are ecstatic..
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