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Showing snippets written by Backandtotheleft.


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Kate In Sickness Fear

Princess Kate has been told to "stay away from work" due to her morning sickness. How will the economy cope without her smiling and waving when told?

written by Backandtotheleft, 02 October 2014
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Bus

Walking a mile a day cuts the risk of someone dying of cancer. But it also increases your chances of being hit by a bus

written by Backandtotheleft, 05 September 2014
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X-Factor Of The North

The X-Factor is back! With a Game Of Thrones style advert. Hopefully this means a revamp of the show and somebody might cut Mel B's head off

written by Backandtotheleft, 14 August 2014
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NHS Spite

British diplomats have spent £16K on cigars this year all while the NHS is having to perform operations with chip forks thanks to cutbacks

written by Backandtotheleft, 14 August 2014
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Whine About Wine

MPs will vote on whether or not wine bottles should have warning labels on them. Hopefully we'll be seeing vintage reds saying "Tastes like shit"

written by Backandtotheleft, 14 August 2014
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Fire Mad

A study has said that the long term inhalation of wood smoke can damage your IQ. Nonsense. Fire is red and good and hot and good. And good.

written by Backandtotheleft, 26 June 2014
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Mel B's Car Attack

Mel B's car can pump out smoke and drop spikes to defend itself. From what? Who has ever wanted to kill a Spice Girl?

written by Backandtotheleft, 26 June 2014
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Englands Sponsors

Jeremy Hunt wants to ban fast food giants from sponsoring sports teams. After England's performance they'd be lucky to get Rustlers

written by Backandtotheleft, 26 June 2014
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Sexual Unicorn

Did you know a lone bi-sexual women at a swingers party is referred to as a "unicorn"? Probably because they don't exist.

written by Backandtotheleft, 19 June 2014
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Call Of Dead Duty

A Brit who has joined the ISIS terror group says "war is more fun the COD" wonder if he'll be laughing while he looks for his legs after a drone strike?

written by Backandtotheleft, 19 June 2014
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Angelina Above Her Station

Angelina Jolie will chair a global summit on how to prevent mass kidnappings. Afterwards we'll be chairing a meeting on how to fly a spaceship and Gazza will chair one about renewable energy.

written by Backandtotheleft, 12 June 2014
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Safety First

One of our sister papers has released a guide on how not to hurt yourself during the world cup. Surely it should just say, "Stay away from Luis Suarez mouth"

written by Backandtotheleft, 12 June 2014
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Sumo Baby

It is the rise of the Sumo baby with many tots being born at 12lb or over. A concern? No an opportunity for a new sport

written by Backandtotheleft, 12 June 2014
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Pardew Butts Out

Alan Pardew has admitted he is fighting for his job. I suppose it's better than fighting David Myler.

written by Backandtotheleft, 01 May 2014
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Rat Attack

Experts believe that "super rats" will cause havoc at this years music festivals! Well their still better than touts

written by Backandtotheleft, 26 April 2014
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Body Double

Body found in Manchester canal! Not mine says passer-by. More to follow.

written by Backandtotheleft, 26 April 2014
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UKIP Upstart

A UKIP party member has been suspended for "repellent views" he thought it was OK to talk to a Spaniard!

written by Backandtotheleft, 26 April 2014
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Al-Qaeda Alterations

An Al-Qaeda "General Manager" has died in a air strike. We wonder who will replace him, however Mohammad from accounts is a early favourite.

written by Backandtotheleft, 26 April 2014
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Drinking Diabetes

Drinking more coffee cuts the risk of diabetes! Only because the increased caffeine will make you believe you can standing jump a moving train long before the diabetes will get you.

written by Backandtotheleft, 25 April 2014
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Seperation Factor

Nick Clegg thinks that in the long run the Church and the state should be separated. We at BATTL news believe the same about Nicks head and body

written by Backandtotheleft, 25 April 2014
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Russian Sanctions

The EU are considering greater sanctions against Russia over the Ukraine. Nick Clegg has already taken a tough stance, he's not sending Putin a Christmas card

written by Backandtotheleft, 25 April 2014
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Jamaicain Me Crazy! (Because I Cant Hear You)

The BBC's new period drama ended with over 2K complaints from viewers about the actors mumbling. Unfortunately we couldn't hear what a BBC spokesman said on the matter.

written by Backandtotheleft, 24 April 2014
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Malaysian Mystery

Malaysian officials admit that the disappearance of flight MH370 may be a riddle forever. What's this? The air accident equivalent of shrugging your shoulders and saying "Elvin magic?"

written by Backandtotheleft, 24 April 2014
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Big Bang Theory

Scientists say they have found more evidence of "The Big Bang"! We at BATTL news thinks it's used condom down the back of the galactic sofa?

written by Backandtotheleft, 24 April 2014
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