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Jokes of the Bible

Easter Bunny: I didn't make enough eggs this year.
Jesus: What do you want me to do about it?
Easter Bunny: How about a miracle or two?
Jesus: Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids.

written by Michael Balton, 20 April 2014
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New Webcast Series Announced:

Comedians On Crack, Getting More Crack

written by Michael Balton, 09 February 2014
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Heard in Hollywood™

Starlet #1: Do you dream in color?
Starlet #2: Yes. But I fart in IMAX 3-D.

written by Michael Balton, 18 January 2014
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A-Rod out of baseball for an entire season

Now they can stop needling him.

written by Michael Balton, 11 January 2014
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Chris Christie's favorite setting for political suicide

The upper-level.

written by Michael Balton, 09 January 2014
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Chris Christie's favorite alibi

Traffic was brutal.

written by Michael Balton, 09 January 2014
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He Should've Used the Tunnel

Chris Christie's favorite Christmas treat:
Toll house cookies

written by Michael Balton, 09 January 2014
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Go Finger

I'm all for texting, but my thumbs oppose.

written by Michael Balton, 06 January 2014
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When the music's over

First Jimi. Then Janis. Now Lou Reed. When does it end?

written by Michael Balton, 28 October 2013
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Get Well Soon

Republicans have traded in their tea for some chicken soup. As soon as they feel better, they are going to kick Ted Cruz down the road.

written by Michael Balton, 17 October 2013
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Circle the Clichés, Boys

Congress is putting more boots on the ground to kick the can down the road.

written by Michael Balton, 17 October 2013
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New Strategy?

Congress considers putting more boots on the ground to kick the can down the road.

written by Michael Balton, 17 October 2013
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Cruz News

Ted Cruz is promoting his new citizen's guide:

"How a Bill Becomes a Hate Crime"

written by Michael Balton, 11 October 2013
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From the nation's capital…

They had to close the National Zoo. It couldn't compete with the Congressional Circus.

written by Michael Balton, 03 October 2013
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A Zero Sum Game

345 Representatives. 100 Senators. 0 Leaders.

written by Michael Balton, 03 October 2013
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For the Birds

What's the difference between a flock of flamingos and Congress?

Flamingos keep cool by urinating on their legs. Congressmen prefer getting pissy with John Boehner.

written by Michael Balton, 06 August 2013
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Face of the Mets' Future

If Ike Davis corrects his timing, listens to his coaches and takes extra batting practice, he could develop into the next Jason Bay.

written by Michael Balton, 02 August 2013
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TV Viewing Tip Gleaned from Real Life

I need to pay closer attention when using my cable TV box's remote control.
I thought I was watching the latest Jackass movie for the past two hours. Turned out to be tonight's Met game.

written by Michael Balton, 20 July 2013
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All-Star Game Bulletin

Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig has killed the opening musical number for this year's All-Star game. It was called "When You Wish Upon a Steroid," and featured Goofy and Tinkerbell.

written by Michael Balton, 27 June 2013
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US Opens World's First Flight School for Pigs

"Many of our most pressing problems only can be solved 'when pigs fly,'" explains Pres. Obama. "We're also working on a refrigeration system to freeze over Hell."

written by Michael Balton, 21 June 2013
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It's time to play…

What Stinks Worse?
A. a disabled Carnival Cruise ship
B. a Sandy Alderson bullpen

written by Michael Balton, 24 April 2013
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New Perspectives On Primates

Some cultures consider monkey brains to be a delicacy.
Our culture considers monkey brains to be a Congress.

written by Michael Balton, 12 March 2013
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Against All Odds

An IKEA meatball won the third race at Belmont Park yesterday.

written by Michael Balton, 25 February 2013
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Baseball Bulletin

Big doings at New York's Citi Field tonight. The Mets are retiring Bernie Madoff's number. It's 162 million.

written by Michael Balton, 22 August 2012
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