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Deadly cucumbers from Mars...

Yes folks - finally we get to the bottom of the mystery! Martians, cleverly disguised as cucumbers, are now poised to kill us all and take over Planet Earth! Watch this space...

written by attilathehungry, 22 October 2011
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Beware ID theft...

We are advised to shred used tissues to avoid possible DNA theft. Flushing them down the toilet is no longer safe as dedicated ID theft frogmen may still be able to piece your DNA back together.

written by attilathehungry, 05 June 2011
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Happiness still eludes most of us...

If we were meant to be happy, God would never have equipped us with such a large brain. Blame the Creator, I say. It's the only way to go. I mean, who needs a large brain to enjoy football and pizza?

written by attilathehungry, 05 June 2011
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O'Feckit dies in domestic incident...

Irish jump jockey Paddy O'Feckit was beaten to death yesterday by his wife Mary after she found his winning Euromillions lottery ticket in the laundry. "Oh feck it" she said "just wasn't acceptable".

written by attilathehungry, 05 June 2011
Rating:

Deadly cucumbers from Mars...

Yes folks - finally we get to the bottom of the mystery! Martians, cleverly disguised as cucumbers, are now poised to kill us all and take over Planet Earth! Pretty smart, those aliens...

written by attilathehungry, 05 June 2011
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Easy way to attract new football fans...

Just give those overpaid spoilt brats a rugby ball to play with instead of a football. The resulting comedy will be more than enough payback for these sulky primadonnas. The mind boggles. Bring it on!

written by attilathehungry, 30 May 2011
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How to tell a horse from a cow (beta)...

A) Climb aboard B) If the animal merely bolts with you clinging on for dear life, it's a horse C) If however the animal smells like the cathouse at the Zoo it's a lion and you're in a world of hurt...

written by attilathehungry, 30 May 2011
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Kate Middleton in shop doorway drama...

Kate Middleton has spent so much time rushing around Knightsbridge lately that she was found last night fast asleep in a cardboard box outside Harrods. Apparently she couldn't remember her way home...

written by attilathehungry, 22 April 2011
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Royal Wedding cancelled...

I am wholly delighted to announce that the Royal Wedding has been postponed indefinitely. The alleged cause of this setback is "insufficient Royalness" on the part of the bride. Poor old Kate...

written by attilathehungry, 22 April 2011
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Royal Wedding update...

Does anyone actually know the names of the bride and groom? Such is the secrecy surrounding this event and its location that top media pundits are at a loss to predict the likely venue. Gretna Green?

written by attilathehungry, 22 April 2011
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Find something else to do for goodness sake...

Anyone caught actually supporting the Royal "Hype-of-the-Millenium" Wedding should be hung by their toes over a bath full of rancid cabbage and Saturday night puke until they beg for mercy and recant.

written by attilathehungry, 22 April 2011
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Sir Cliff Richard to marry Janet Street-Porter...

Now there's a match made in Hell. An ageing popstar with dodgy hair and a mouth full of crowns, and a weird bird with a voice like a rusty hacksaw and teeth that would terrify anyone's manhood...

written by attilathehungry, 22 April 2011
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Irish jockey to officiate at Wills & Kate's wedding...

Legendary Irish jump jockey Paddy O'Feckit will perform William and Kate's marriage ceremony. The BNP unanimously voted him "the man least likely to get it right" which should liven things up a bit.

written by attilathehungry, 22 April 2011
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Ice rink will replace Parliament...

Considering that nothing useful ever comes out of the House of Commons the PM is considering converting the chamber into a public ice rink. The practice of skating on thin ice will therefore continue.

written by attilathehungry, 10 April 2011
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MP's are redundant, just as we always thought...

A new breed of inflatable MP's is set to replace most of the existing ones to save money and improve the quality of debate in the House of Commons. The Lords will simply remain fast asleep as usual.

written by attilathehungry, 10 April 2011
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Bird 1 - Bird watchers 0...

Having finally located the "Indonesian Pigeon-Toed Greater Skankwit" a group of bird watchers eagerly aimed their macro lenses, but the bird was ready: "PISS OFF AND STOP STARING" said the placard.

written by attilathehungry, 08 April 2011
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Just the thing for the Royal Wedding reception...

70's Punk revival band "IN YER FACE" are shouter Razor Teeth, guitar mangler Strung Out, female (?) bass abuser Barbie Wire, and drum wrecker Bash Bash Crash. Expect lots of chaos & very loud noise.

written by attilathehungry, 08 April 2011
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Some trees are more easily climbed than others...

Dave, a Crab-eating Macaque, was left confused after failing to climb a monkey-puzzle tree. "I don't get it" he said. "Here I am, a perfectly normal and agile monkey, and I'm fucked if I could do it."

written by attilathehungry, 08 April 2011
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World famous naturalist finally loses plot...

National and international treasure, the legendary broadcaster and naturalist Sir David Attenborough, is finally to be remarried. His new lady love is an orphaned Sumatran orangutan called Hermione.

written by attilathehungry, 08 April 2011
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How to tell a horse from a cow (beta)...

A) Climb aboard B) If the animal merely bolts with you clinging on for dear life, it's a horse C) If however the animal smells like the cathouse at the Zoo it's a LION and you're in a world of hurt...

written by attilathehungry, 08 April 2011
Rating:

How to tell a horse from a cow...

A) Climb aboard B) If the animal merely bolts with you clinging on for dear life, it's a horse C) If on the other hand the animal makes a loud mooing noise and bucks you off it's a cow. Trust me.

written by attilathehungry, 08 April 2011
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How to tell an adder from a grass snake...

A) Pick them both up B) If neither of them bites you they're both grass snakes C) If however BOTH of them bite you you're in trouble and you should report to the nearest A & E without delay.

written by attilathehungry, 08 April 2011
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How to tell an adder from a grass snake (beta)...

A) Pick them both up B) If neither of them bites you they're both grass snakes C) If one of them bites you but not the other, it's reasonable to assume that one of them is an adder - BUT WHICH ONE?!

written by attilathehungry, 08 April 2011
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How to avoid making babies...

1) Always take a lady by the back passage 2) Be a Gay 3) Castrate yourself with a pair of bolt cutters 4) Choose a partner who is already pregnant 5) Practice "soixante-neuf" 6) Go sheep shagging

written by attilathehungry, 07 April 2011
Showing page 1 (of 7 pages)


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