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Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers and John Oliver to Quit if Trump Loses
Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers and John Oliver have announced they will step down if Donald Trump does not become the Republican candidate for President of the United States.
Future Superstorm, "SnoWallopAlooza", Shuts Down East Coast
A MONSTER storm that might pack blizzard conditions spun by the elite East-Coast media will, hopefully, live up to the hype, but New York City and Washington DC shut down anyway.
Yosemite park plans to change some ironic names
The National Park Service announced today that it was changing the names of The Redskin hotel, Jungle Bunny Village and other beloved park sites.
EPA Formally Declares Clouds a Dangerous Pollutant
The declaration came after a new study indicated that clouds are melting the Greenland Ice Sheet.
Donald Trump To Wear Monica Lewinsky's Blue Dress For All Remaining Debates
He will also wear it during the Presidential debate with Hillary Clinton, if he wins the Republican nomination.
Democrat Presidential candidate, Senator Bernie Sanders proposed a maximum wage of $16 per hour.
In addition, Senator Sanders supports a minimum wage of $15 per hour.
Hillary Clinton Says She will Toss Trump's Salad
Democrat Presidential hopeful, Hillary Rodham Clinton said today that she will "Toss Trump's Salad", if he is the Republican candidate in 2016.
Al Qaeda Pharmaceuticals Changes Its Name
Al Qaeda Pharmaceuticals on Friday announced that it will change its name ISIS Pharmaceuticals.
US-ISIS Deal Allows 110 Mass-Killings Per Day
President Obama and ISIS have struck a deal to allow as many as 110 mass-killings per day in the USA.
Jeb Bush Outs Donald Trump As A Democrat Secret Agent
Donald Trump was outed today by Jeb Bush as a secret double-agent, sent by Democrats to destroy the Republican party.
First British Astronaut Arrives At Space Station To Fix Oil Leak
Mike Oxbig was tapped by the European Space Agency (ESA), after an oil leak was discovered on the space station last month.
Obama's to Sing Final State Of The Union Address
The president will sing the address, accompanied by the band, Coldplay.
Obama to put 50,000 boots on the ground to combat 26 US State Governors
President Barack Hussein Obama announced today that he has authorized 25,000 troops to be deployed to 26 of the United States to enforce his decision to allow Syrian refugees to infiltrate the USA.
Jerry Bruckheimer Arrested After Shooting Pilot
Jerome Leon ("Jerry") Bruckheimer was arrested today after the FBI discovered that he had shot a pilot.
Obama Vows to 'Redouble' Islamic State Fight After Paris
Opening two days of talks with world leaders in Turkey, Obama pledged to send an additional 50 troops to Syria, bringing the total US force to 100.
HUD proposes masturbation ban in public housing, citing dangers of warts
In an effort to reduce warts, the federal government is seeking to ban masturbation in all of the nation's 13.2 million public housing units.
Golfers To March Across America, Demanding Free Greens Fees
Golfers were set to walk off golf courses across the United States today to protest ballooning greens fees and rally for free golf balls.
Ben Carson Claimed He Masturbated as a Boy, But Can't Prove It
Dr. Ben Carson says he was prone to masturbating during his youth until he had a religious experience in the bathroom of his Detroit home.
Obama Rejects Keystone XL, Then Issues Executive Order Mandating Keystone XXXL, Citing Political Climate Change
Immediately following the rejection of the Keystone XL pipeline, Obama issued an executive order, mandating the construction of the Keystone XXXL pipeline, citing recent political climate change.
Obama Faces Tough Battle In House To Pass KFC
President Obama now faces probably his toughest dining-room challenge since passage of mashed potatoes in 2009 - persuading Malia and/or Michelle to pass the fried chicken (KFC).
Obama Issues Executive Order, Renaming Political Parties
The Democratic party shall be referred to as "The Supreme Democratic Party", while the Republican party shall be called "The Repuglican Order of Christian Taliban Douche-bags".
Obama Issues Executive Order Mandating That Ex-Cons Be Hired For All Federal Jobs
President Obama announced today that a new Executive Order has been issued, requiring that former convicts be hired for all federal government jobs.
Hurricane Patricia Disappoints Cable News Networks
NOA forecasters say Hurricane Patricia has crossed into Mexico and has caused little damage, dashing the hopes of cable news networks.
EPA Formally Declares Humans are Danger to Environment
The United States EPA announced today that humans threaten public health and the environment.
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