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Man Upset

A man was reportedly upset on a London tube train yesterday when a schoolgirl said something to him about his baldness. Girl is still in custody as police investigation continues.

written by Auntie Matter, 27 November 2014
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Mozart Curable

Dr. Klaus Gotya of the Tavistock Institute London has stated that "Wolfgang Mozart had classic OCD and was curable with the right medication.".

written by Auntie Matter, 12 November 2014
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Obama... Ordinary like us.

Yesterday, President Obama was refused entry into a restaurant for not wearing a tie and later fined for double parking and... ordered to return his library books... and thrown off a tram...and...

written by Auntie Matter, 19 October 2014
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Obama's Pledge

Said President Obama with regards to ISIS.
"For every American head they cut off, I will cut off my own!"

written by Auntie Matter, 03 September 2014
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Bringing Your Foreign Spouse to Live with you in the UK?

Community Centres throughout Britain are now running a 3-year course to help you fill in the forms.

written by Auntie Matter, 29 August 2014
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Joan Rivers Loses It

A medical bulletin just released from a Manhattan clinic states that Joan Rivers had stopped talking during throat surgery.

written by Auntie Matter, 28 August 2014
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Sir Dicky Gone but not Forgotten

Nearly a million UK Freemasons are expected to hold a three minutes silence in honour of Sir Richard Attenborough who passed away today. J.K.Rowling will lay a wreath at his grave.

written by Auntie Matter, 25 August 2014
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Reward for Congress

As a reward for betraying the American people President Obama has built an all-expenses paid holiday resort for Congress in Denver.

written by Auntie Matter, 23 August 2014
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Mob Kill Man in Baghdad

A Muslim man claimed on Baghdad TV that he had a near-death experience.

"I went to heaven and had my way with 72 virgins. They weren't as hot as I'd imagined."

The funeral is on Monday.

written by Auntie Matter, 17 August 2014
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Rowling is a Man

Rowling has confessed to her true gender. "Yes, I am a man... the hint was in my name "J.K Rowling"... I am soooooo sorry but I am Dumbledore, Queen of the Muggles, and always have been."

written by Auntie Matter, 15 August 2014
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Pope Disappainted.

A scheduled portrait of Pope Francis that was to have been undertaken by Rolf Harris has been cancelled, the Vatican says.

written by Auntie Matter, 15 August 2014
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UK Legal World Record

Schillings of London has been entered into the Guinness Book of Records as "the legal firm to have issued the most injunctions in legal history". They have issued an injunction against the publishers.

written by Auntie Matter, 15 August 2014
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First Freemason in Space?

Sir Roanin Hyde son-in-law of David Rockefeller is to be the first known Freemason in space. "I can't wait to see what the planet we run really looks like from a distance," said he.

written by Auntie Matter, 11 August 2014
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World Champion Karate Expert Grounded.

World champion Karate expert Wun Long Lay was today refused admittance to her flight back to Tokyo. Customs decided she was a danger to the crew if she did not submit to having both hands amputated.

written by Auntie Matter, 09 August 2014
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World Champion Karate Expert Grounded.

World champion Karate expert Wun Long Lay was today refused admittance to her flight back to Tokyo. Customs decided she was a danger to the crew if she did not submit to having both hands amputated.

written by Auntie Matter, 09 August 2014
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The Ultimate Masonic Cover

Scientists at Washington University have invented an "invisible apron" for Free Masons. Only Masons will be able to see them. Pope Francis will be the first to get one.

written by Auntie Matter, 20 July 2014
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Bush Receives Award

The Ciantology Award 2014 for "Most Honest Politician of the Decade" goes to George W. Bush.

written by Auntie Matter, 20 July 2014
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'Democracy' on the March

Said President Obama at a recent press conference of selected newspapers. "There are nations in this world, and I don't just mean Britain, that need democracy. And by Jupiter!, I intend to see that they get it... whether they want it or not."

written by Auntie Matter, 20 July 2014
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Obama Crowned NWO's First Emperor

Barack Obama is to be crowned the New World Order's first emperor at a special ceremony to be conducted in private by Freemasons at the Federal Reserve Bank, New York. Pope Francis has been invited.

written by Auntie Matter, 19 July 2014
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Ciantology Award 2014

This years Ciantology Award for Ego-Surrender goes to actor Tom Cruise. "I always knew I'd win it," said he. "My thanks to Ron Hubbard and Satan."

written by Auntie Matter, 19 July 2014
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Charity Tax

A "charity tax" law has been passed by the US Congress. People donating to charities will now be expected to pay a fee of 15% of their donation to government... "to help finance the war on terrorism", said a spokesman.

written by Auntie Matter, 18 July 2014
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Gift for Obama

Chinese artist Wei Wei known to his friends as Wei Wei-A-Ton has sent one of his art pieces to Barack Obama. Titled 'TERRORISM', it is a simple
shaving mirror.

written by Auntie Matter, 17 July 2014
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Call for US Constitution Reform

Obama has called for a reform of the US Constitution. "We believe Congress should be privately owned and run along the lines of US Security Associates Inc," said he.

written by Auntie Matter, 12 July 2014
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Queen Most Unamused

The Queen of England has asked that Rolf Harris's prize-winning portrait of her presently hanging under her bed be made into a shopping bag for Camilla Parker Bowles.

written by Auntie Matter, 11 July 2014
Showing page 1 (of 5 pages)


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