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Man After 40 Successful 'De-Uglifying' Surgeries: "F--k you ugly people"

Chad Ellington wished all his life he could be beautiful -- and forty cosmetic surgeries later his wish has come true. The new Ellington is not only beautiful, aesthetically-speaking, but he now wishes his ugly former compatriots would leave him alo...

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Man with Disposable Lighter Tries to Blow Up Airplane with Farts

Funny story: Man with Disposable Lighter Tries to Blow Up Airplane with Farts

A man with a cigarette lighter tried unsuccessfully to ignite his own gas aboard a Delta flight yesterday. He was wrestled to the ground by passengers and members of the crew, inches away from the cockpit door. Witnesses say the suspect had his pan...

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Man Offers His Bank Account to be Hacked/Net worth of $16 is said to be incentive for unusual offer

A man in St. Louis has offered his bank account to hackers -- providing that when they're done he be at least a dollar richer. "I'm broke already so every bit helps," he said. The unidentified man, who wishes to remain anonymous, logged into a...

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Vatican in Hot Water as Neighbors Accuse it of Blocking Internet Access

Funny story: Vatican in Hot Water as Neighbors Accuse it of Blocking Internet Access

The Vatican is accused of blocking internet access for Italians bordering the tiny sovereign. Hundreds of neighbors have complained that the Holy See is trying to control their online lives. Some of the websites reportedly blocked are protestantp...

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YouTube Sued for Racism

YouTube was sued yesterday by representatives from Yemen, Turkey and the Philippines, stating that the popular website discriminates against non-Westerners with deliberate slowdowns after 5pm E.S.T. The lawsuit, filed in Geneva, says these slowd...

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Rude Comment to YouTube "Taxman" Leads to Audit

Mark Krowly didn't take kindly to IRS agent Gerald Fitts making a YouTube video warning potential tax dodgers to look out this season, so he told the agent to "f--k off" during a 197 character rant that may have led to his audit. Krowly says he wa...

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Man Strains So Hard He Craps Out His Soul

Funny story: Man Strains So Hard He Craps Out His Soul

Vatican officials have confirmed a man in East Lansing, Michigan crapped out his soul while straining too hard on a commode yesterday. Two priests and a plumber were brought in by the local diocese to help the man, but the whereabouts of the soul...

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Butane Prices Set to Skyrocket -- Stoners on Alert

Funny story: Butane Prices Set to Skyrocket -- Stoners on Alert

A "Rolling Stone" article a few weeks ago exposed an international banking house, Goldman Sachs, and how they engineered the last dozen financial bubbles in the U.S., such as the Internet Bubble in 2000, the Housing Bubble in 2007, and last summer's...

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New Microphone for Gamers can Mimic Regional Accents

Funny story: New Microphone for Gamers can Mimic Regional Accents

A new microphone for gamers is hitting the market that can change your accent. Now, someone from Ireland can mimic a Californian, and a Californian can sound just like a New Yorker. Yesterday I used it (I'm from Florida) to convince a group of Aust...

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World of Wiretapping?

Funny story: World of Wiretapping?

Surveillance cameras have been installed in more and more online games, discreetly watching and listening to people as they launch rocket attacks or fire bullets at one another, or meet in secrecy to overthrow an overlord. Experts say it's an agg...

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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