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Old Drug-Sniffing Dogs Now Junkies

Funny story: Old Drug-Sniffing Dogs Now Junkies

CORAL REEFER, CA - In a scathing report released today by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), the nation's law enforcement and drug control agencies were accused of leading drug-sniffing dogs into a life of booze, sex, and addiction.

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Republicans Promote Sex Orgies to Save Social Security

Funny story: Republicans Promote Sex Orgies to Save Social Security

WASHINGTON, DC - Building on a program initiated by the late Sen. Jesse Helms (R-NC), the Republican Party announced today a stimulus package promoting sex orgies to save the nation's financially ailing Social Security system. Long plagued by fewe...

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Grim Reaper Laid Off Amid "Killer" Recession

Funny story: Grim Reaper Laid Off Amid "Killer" Recession

ATLANTA - In a stunning announcement yesterday, the U.S. Center For Diseases (USCD) said that, due to budget cutbacks amid this economic recession, they were forced to lay off their highest ranking employee, Mr. Grim Reaper. Although Mr. Reaper...

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U.S. Chemical Industry Falls Down, Goes Boom

Funny story: U.S. Chemical Industry Falls Down, Goes Boom

In a stunning reversal of fortune, the once highly esteemed U.S. chemical industry has completely collapsed into, as insiders call it, a slag heap. Industry analysts, however, are more blunt, calling current chemistry "hulking, stinking, steaming do...

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Marijuana Legalized in U.S.; Economy Expected to Surge to Heady Highs

Funny story: Marijuana Legalized in U.S.; Economy Expected to Surge to Heady Highs

In a stunning government announcement, U.S. President Barack Obama just signed a bill making marijuana completely legal throughout the country. The new legislation, placing marijuana under similar federal oversight as alcohol and tobacco, marks a co...

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New Topless Soccer League Promises Titillating Action

Groping for ways to stimulate fan interest in soccer in the United States, spokesperson Bubba Feelgood of the Blueballs Soccer Association announced formation of a new 69-team women's league to begin play on Father's Day. "Because soccer itself...

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Major League Baseball Bans Spitting

Funny story: Major League Baseball Bans Spitting

In a bold attempt to improve its image, Bud Selig, Commissioner of Major League Baseball, yesterday announced that, effective immediately, spitting has been banned from the sport. "Little old ladies throughout America have long complained about th...

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Breaking news…

Putin Hacked The Emmys

NBC, ABC, and CBS all claim that Russian President Putin hacked the Emmy Award computers, to explain how unknown, barely-viewed shows on Netflix and HBO could win so many awards.
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