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Vacuum Salesman Can't Believe Your Family Isn't Already Fucking Dead

Funny story: Vacuum Salesman Can't Believe Your Family Isn't Already Fucking Dead

Your Home, USA-Mark Rosen has just entered your home to show you the great suction and cleaning power of his new Shark Rocket cleaning system, and to be honest, he can't believe how you and your family have survived without it. "Its suction power...

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Extend Your Shitty, Meaningless Existence With the Nutrirocket Food Extractor!

Funny story: Extend Your Shitty, Meaningless Existence With the Nutrirocket Food Extractor!

The Nutrirocket food extractor is the latest, most scientifically-proven way to extend one's painful, lost existence indefinitely. Thanks to the most innovative in 21st century euphemisms, we have magically turned a 40 dollar blender into a $120.00 (...

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Area Man Can't Wait to Get This Goddamn Day Over With

Funny story: Area Man Can't Wait to Get This Goddamn Day Over With

Abington, PA- Local resident, Steven Mayer, of Abington, Pennsylvania, awoke this morning with a renewed sense of anticipation and vigor. "I was able to turn off the alarm a minute before 6:00," reported the 32 year old Mayer, who works as a daytime...

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Long-Lost Child About to Knock on Your Door

Your Home, USA - Sources have reported that the child you have abandoned years ago is on your front step right now and is gearing up to knock on your door. The child, who was conceived 13 years ago at a Red Roof Inn Motel out by the airport, has t...

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Wireless Battery Recharger Runs on Batteries

Funny story: Wireless Battery Recharger Runs on Batteries

In an effort to show how green they can be, Vanson has introduced a new wireless battery re-charger that runs on batteries rather than through a wired connection. "It's all about saving the environment," said Vanson spokesman Timothy Childress. "F...

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SPIN Magazine Folds; Claims It Is Too Cool For Itself

Funny story: SPIN Magazine Folds; Claims It Is Too Cool For Itself

After 25 years on the newsstands, SPIN Magazine has folded due to its overwhelming awesomeness in all things cool. Since its inception in 1985, SPIN Magazine was immediately recognized for its overt coolness by covering unknown artists at the tim...

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Ravens' Loss Results in Lack of Ice Cream

Funny story: Ravens' Loss Results in Lack of Ice Cream

The Baltimore Ravens lost a detrimental game Sunday against the Pittsburgh Steelers, and the loss was primarily due to mental errors and costly 4th quarter penalties. It went without saying that head coach John Harbaugh's promise to take the team out...

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Ramen Noodle Ingredient Added To Periodic Table

Funny story: Ramen Noodle Ingredient Added To Periodic Table

Members of the Food and Drug Administration, along with members of the scientific community, have concluded that the main ingredient in Ramen Noodles is not to be found anywhere on the periodic table of the elements. "Not only is it not anywhere o...

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Inner-City Ice Cream Truck Actually Sells Ice Cream, Cones

Funny story: Inner-City Ice Cream Truck Actually Sells Ice Cream, Cones

Philadelphia, PA - Crack-heads surrounding North Philadelphia's Diamond Street were terribly dismayed yesterday after discovering that their usual ice cream truck full of crack was actually selling ice cream. "It be bullshit," said Derrick Thomas,...

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Agitated Travelers Protest Iceland Volcano

Funny story: Agitated Travelers Protest Iceland Volcano

ICELAND- The members of the Center for Reasonable and Appreciated Politics traveled to Iceland last week to protest the active volcano which began erupting on April 15. "Of all the weeks for Earth to pull this shit," said Steven Hills, president o...

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Greyhound Now Making Stops in Funkytown

Funny story: Greyhound Now Making Stops in Funkytown

In an effort to capitalize on the economic downturn, Greyhound Lines Incorporated has revamped its efforts to reach more customers. Included in the plans are cheaper ticket prices, new streamlined buses, as well as a new destination: Funkytown, U.S.A...

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Merck Releases New Flinstones-Shaped Vicodin

Funny story: Merck Releases New Flinstones-Shaped Vicodin

The pharmaceutical giant, Merck & Co., has just released a fun new shape of Vicodin in the form of your favorite "Flintstones" characters. "It's an exciting day," said Merck spokesman, Jonathan Sanders, "We are the second largest pharmaceutica...

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Beatles Re-Release Their Catalog of Re-Remastered Albums

Funny story: Beatles Re-Release Their Catalog of Re-Remastered Albums

For the 4th time since the compact disc's inception into mainstream culture, the entire Beatles catalogue has been re-mastered; this time into a sleeker black box. "Finally," said Herb Thurman, a 56 year old Beatles fan, "Finally, the corporate dr...

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Brittany Murphy Dies From Pneumonia Overdose

Funny story: Brittany Murphy Dies From Pneumonia Overdose

Brittany Murphy has faded back into pop culture by fatally overdosing on prescription pneumonia. The 32 year old bubbly actress, brought to fame by appearing in such films as The Prophecy II and an episode of Blossom, collapsed in the shower of h...

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NBC's Celebrity Apprentice Renamed "Celebrity" Apprentice

Funny story: NBC's Celebrity Apprentice Renamed "Celebrity" Apprentice

New York, NY - NBC executives made an honest move yesterday by naming their Sunday night primetime show "Celebrity Apprentice," to simply "Celebrity" Apprentice. "We can't lie to the public anymore," said NBC executive John Starling about the show...

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Philadelphia Acquires Country's Biggest Crack Star

Funny story: Philadelphia Acquires Country's Biggest Crack Star

Philadelphia, PA - Mayor Michael Nutter has accomplished something other Philadelphia Mayors have been unable to do for fifteen years: acquire the biggest Crack Star from Los Angeles and bring him over to stumble the streets of Philadelphia. "I've...

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Children's Train Set Kid-Proof, Not Angry Drunk Dad-Proof

Funny story: Children's Train Set Kid-Proof, Not Angry Drunk Dad-Proof

Playcollege Toys, the toddler friendly toys, has released a new build-and-play train set for children that is impervious to child-like destruction. Unfortunately, it is completely vulnerable to an angry drunk father tripping over it and kicking it to...

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Dale Earnhardt Jr. Asked to Pick up Bread; Circles Block 500 Times

Funny story: Dale Earnhardt Jr. Asked to Pick up Bread; Circles Block 500 Times

MEMPHIS-- NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr., son of a dead NASCAR driver of a similar name, ended up circling the block of his home 500 times after he was asked by his wife to pick up a loaf of bread. "All I said to him was, 'Dale, could you...

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Breaking news…

Wallis Simpson And Meghan Markle

Somewhere in heaven, Wallis Simpson is smiling and applauding Meghan Markle’s wedding to Prince Harry: an American, an actress and a divorcee. Wow! Everything else is just sparkle. Smart guy, Harry.
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