The TSA stunned the nation today by announcing that scanners and pat downs do not do enough to detect terrorist devices on flight passengers. Passengers must now completely disrobe in order to board a flight.
"We tried to come up with a better so...
Perhaps Vice President Joe Biden meant to say, "If we lose, we will PAY Hell," however, it is unclear what he meant when he said on October 9th, "If we lose, we will PLAY Hell."
This plays back to a reported recent statement by First Lady Michelle...
The illustrious clergyman, Pastor Terry Jones, who recently threatened to burn Qurans to 'send a message' to Islam, is being sought to play "Poopdeck Pappy," Popeye's crusty father, in a remake of 1980's "Popeye" movie.
"HE'S PERFECT," shouted pro...
President Barack Obama's birth certificate was claimed to have been found last week while JZ Knight was channeling Johnny Carson at her home in Yelm, Washington.
"You will find Barack Obama's birth certificate in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagna...
Vice President Joe Biden stunned the world today by actually saying something appropriate and smart. What he said was, "It sure is a nice summer day."
The accuracy and pleasant nature of this statement caused bystanders to question whether this w...
Former Vice President, Al Gore, in a startling announcement revealed today that he has a pedigree.
"It's true," Gore said. "I'm actually a Poodle."
When pressed for which type of Poodle he actually is, Gore stated, "I am a Standard Poodle."...
Subpoenaed in the trial of Rod Blagojevich, President Barack Obama testified Monday with these words, "Here me and here me well. I did not have an unnatural relationship with that man's hairpiece."
Members of the court were perplexed over Obama's...
Heisman Trophy winner, actor and convicted felon, O.J. Simpson, will be released from prison intermittently to appear on the next ABC 'Dancing With The Stars' go-round with partner, Jessica Simpson.
"It was a genius pairing," 'Dancing With The Sta...
Timothy R. Geithner, Obama's beleagured pick for Secretary of the Treasury, forgot to tip a waitress at a Hooters Restaurant on Thursday evening.
"I was unclear as to whether I was suppposed to tip or not," Geithner explained. "I didn't know you...
Due to recent flooding in the Seattle, Washington area, Bill Gates recently stepped onto the porch of his Mercer Island home on Lake Union and floated away.
"I guess he's so used to floating in money that he didn't notice that he was floating away...
Embattled Governor Rod Blagojevich's hairpiece was recently spotted from the Hubble Space Telescope.
Astonomer, Wyatt Eibaal, honed in on the hairpiece as it was floating down a Chicago street atop Blagojevich's pate.
"It wasn't hard to find,"...
President-elect Barack Obama delighted a crowd at a Washington D.C. Starbucks by dropping in and showing how he can wiggle his ears.
"I can wiggle 'em... I'm tellin' ya!" he said to an enthused audience and proceeded to do just that to the oohs an...
In order to supplement their diets during these lean times, many U.S. citizens are resorting to eating grass.
"Grass is awesome," Barry Bovine of Seattle, Washington recently remarked. "You just have to make sure you don't put a lot of chemicals...
Al Franken, amid a flurry of concerns by the Democratic Party, conceded his contested senate seat today.
"It's not that I'm not good enough and smart enough, doggone it," he remarked. "It's just that, well, what I really want to do is become a WW...
After disparaging remarks regarding being able to smell D.C. tourists coming to visit the U.S. Capitol in the summertime, senatorial aides close to Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid, report that he has B.O.
Wanting to remain anonymous, one aide r...
While walking from his car to his office Monday, embattled governor, Rod Blagojevich's toupe worked loose and blew down the street, completely covering a car and blocking a driver's view of the road.
"It was like a Wooly Mammoth suddenly slammed o...
In a stunning abberation of nature, leaf-bearing trees worldwide have stopped shedding their leaves in the winter.
"Shove it up your xylem and phloem," one markedly aggravated tree, Mr. Maple Hardwood, exclaimed. "We're deciduous trees. We simpl...
Washington - Hillary Rodham Clinton presented the selection of one of her aids today. Shawn O'Pec is the choice as one of her primary aids in her new role as Secretary of State in the upcoming Obama presidency.
"What's good for the gander is good...