Showing:

Showing stories written by Judge Retort

Try another search?

Secret service agents take Obama to gym

Funny story: Secret service agents take Obama to gym

Washington, D.C.* - Secret service agents on their way to the gym early yesterday morning, spotted a tall, lean black man running through the streets of Washington. Recognizing that he was none other than President-elect Barack Obama out jogging...

Read full story View 'Secret service agents take Obama to gym'

Anne Rice goes from vampires to Jesus

Funny story: Anne Rice goes from vampires to Jesus

Metro Transylvania - Authoress of phenomenally successful money-maker "Interview with a Vampire", the queen of hard-bitten fiction took all her enormous wealth from the vampire series and bought her soul back from Satan. Next, in the most strategi...

Read full story View 'Anne Rice goes from vampires to Jesus'

Python dish raises ire of animal group

Funny story: Python dish raises ire of animal group

PE3TA -- People for the Edible Ethical Elevated Treatment of Animals -- have demanded scientists cease feeding lab pythons from dishes, citing the resulting cruelty this perpetrated on the poor creatures who can't hold a knife and fork in the first p...

Read full story View 'Python dish raises ire of animal group'

Scientists develop realistic artificial heart

Funny story: Scientists develop realistic artificial heart

Immediately after scientists announced the availability of the new heart, they received special visitors John McCain and Barack Obama. Both began arguing over who should get the heart. McCain claimed that he needed it because his was so old. Oba...

Read full story View 'Scientists develop realistic artificial heart'

Starbucks' business may have bottomed

Funny story: Starbucks' business may have bottomed

A top executive explained that Starbucks' business had become as black and burnt out as the sludge at the bottom of a cup that's been left up on a commuter's dashboard in the sun all weekend. He further added that dealing with the many store clo...

Read full story View 'Starbucks' business may have bottomed'

Children's film-goers get R-rated sex flick

Funny story: Children's film-goers get R-rated sex flick

South Jorkan, Uthaw - Movie goers were in for a bumpy ride last weekend at the Megaflicks Theatre last weekend expecting to see the new Disneak "High School Musical 33: Senial Year" but instead witnessing by accident Disneak's new, R-rated flick: "S...

Read full story View 'Children's film-goers get R-rated sex flick'

Restaurant closed after dead deer found in kitchen

Funny story: Restaurant closed after dead deer found in kitchen

Deerburger, N.Y. - Health officials raided the CHINA KINK restaurant after patrons reported hearing strange noises from the kitchen, especially deer horns followed by loud crashing around, baying dogs, then rifle shots, and finally cheering. Hea...

Read full story View 'Restaurant closed after dead deer found in kitchen'

2001 Obama: Tragedy that 'Redistribution of Wealth' not Pursued by Supreme Court

Funny story: 2001 Obama: Tragedy that 'Redistribution of Wealth' not Pursued by Supreme Court

Washington, DC - Barack Obama, in order to diffuse the growing controversy of Joe the Plumber, has switched to John the Justice, and is calling upon the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court to spread the wealth around the members of the court a little.

Read full story View '2001 Obama: Tragedy that 'Redistribution of Wealth' not Pursued by Supreme Court'

Parents Use Dogs to Sniff Scent of Drugs on Teens

Funny story: Parents Use Dogs to Sniff Scent of Drugs on Teens

Parents in Snifataway, New York, attempting a novel approach at detecting teen drug use, are encountering unexpected results. Employing dogs trained to sniff out contraband from international shipping containers, borrowed from the New York Port Au...

Read full story View 'Parents Use Dogs to Sniff Scent of Drugs on Teens'

Anthropologists discover new human sub-race: Decorative-Americans

Funny story: Anthropologists discover new human sub-race: Decorative-Americans

First there were white-Americans. And they discovered native-Americans. These fled west, forcing white-Americans to invite in African-Americans to share-the-wealth. Anthropologist Professor Alfred Sneikenpeikr from University of California Berke...

Read full story View 'Anthropologists discover new human sub-race: Decorative-Americans'

India to the Moon!

Funny story: India to the Moon!

India has launched its first foray into space, an unmanned probe to the moon in order to prove once and for all whether or not the moon is truly made out of curry. Expecting to raise a large cloud when the robotic spacecraft lands, Indian scientis...

Read full story View 'India to the Moon!'

"Brother can you spare a billion?" Fed lends to companies in emergency move

Funny story: "Brother can you spare a billion?" Fed lends to companies in emergency move

The mad orgy at the nation's federal currency printing press continues as Congress realizes that the more money they give even to companies, the more that comes right back in taxes. A meek voice of descent shouted from the back of the room that pe...

Read full story View '"Brother can you spare a billion?" Fed lends to companies in emergency move'

Pharmaceuticals Company Announces New Male Pregnancy Test

Funny story: Pharmaceuticals Company Announces New Male Pregnancy Test

In the hopes of doubling revenue, a pharmaceuticals company is now offering an at-home male pregnancy test. Typically, the test rarely detects actual pregnancy in males. However, it is amazingly accurate in detecting males whose partners (typical...

Read full story View 'Pharmaceuticals Company Announces New Male Pregnancy Test'

Clinton looms; Hillary to be in audience tonight

Funny story: Clinton looms; Hillary to be in audience tonight

Hillary Clinton has wangled her way into the debate audience tonight, to be held in Hemphead, New York. Getting a taste for looming in the background, she claims she'll stay at the back of the room and merely observe, while she uses Betsy Ross' or...

Read full story View 'Clinton looms; Hillary to be in audience tonight'

Rabbi Threatened Over Chicken Ritual

Funny story: Rabbi Threatened Over Chicken Ritual

A New York City rabbi has demanded police protection after receiving threatening emails from PETA (People for Elevated Touting of Animals) after the yearly ritual slaughter of chickens before Yom Kippur, in atonement for all of New York's recent horr...

Read full story View 'Rabbi Threatened Over Chicken Ritual'

NYC hookers say business still great

Funny story: NYC hookers say business still great

New York City participants in the world's oldest profession barely notice the ups and downs of the market place, let alone the surges and let downs of worldwide financial institutions. Commented local professional Enticing Cherry: "Those wimps! T...

Read full story View 'NYC hookers say business still great'

Gas price marks biggest drop ever

Funny story: Gas price marks biggest drop ever

The price of a barrel of oil is falling so fast that to keep their oil wells pumping, Saudi Arabian oil ministers have hastily created a plan to pay motorists at the pump. Soon, when you go to get gas, you'll stick in your ATM and fill that up as w...

Read full story View 'Gas price marks biggest drop ever'

Three Most Unmentionable Subjects become One in 2008

Funny story: Three Most Unmentionable Subjects become One in 2008

Everyone knows that the three most unmentionable subjects are politics, religion, and sex. But with new figures at hand, The Judge is eager to report the latest findings on the subject. In 2008, the latest polls clearly show politics, religion, an...

Read full story View 'Three Most Unmentionable Subjects become One in 2008'

Breaking news…

Trump Jr. Says That He Always Wanted to Be Separated From His Parents

That's why he can't understand the consternation at the border with kids being taken from parents.
Increase speedPlayback speedIncrease speed Help
Skip backwardsPausePlaySkip forward
Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
37 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more