Showing stories written by Montague Montgomery

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New Offside Rule Declared Racist

Sepp Bloater announced yesterday that a variation to the controversial 'offside' rule is to be introduced with a view of making more accurate decisions. Bloater said,'Due to the significant rise in the number of black centre forwards we feel the r...

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John has Semen Transplant Child

Funny story: John has Semen Transplant Child

John John and his husband Fred Furnish revealed today they are expecting their first child. John, who had a hair transplant in the 70's, told journalists he was forced to undergo a semen transplant enthusiastically donated by his close friend Gra...

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Christmas Horror averted by Farmer

Funny story: Christmas Horror averted by Farmer

Recently deceased Bert Matthews was today found by MI5 with his penis firmly stuck into a turkey. He told secret agents he was saving the world from a festive epidemic of colossal proportions. One of the creatures had passed on an incurable disease t...

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Paralympics Swimming Death Shock

Funny story: Paralympics Swimming Death Shock

Today Paralympics chiefs have admitted that the Tibeten freestyle wheelchair swimming event turned into a disaster ending in the death of all seven disabled athletes. Unfortunately, due to no-one being able to hear the starter gun underwater, the...

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McCratney Stalker Hopping Mad

Funny story: McCratney Stalker Hopping Mad

During the recent Paul McCratney concert in the battle zone of Israel a disturbed Beatles fan cut off one of her legs in an attempt to appeal to her hero during the Frog Chorus. Amongst dancing from the 50,000 crowd, Michelle MyBell was forced to pog...

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Terrorist Threat declared in Africa

Funny story: Terrorist Threat declared in Africa

World War Obsessives George Hedge and his aide Tony Blurt confirmed this morning that Africa was indeed the terrorist threat they have been waiting for all along. Misguided attempts at destroying Osama Been Hiding and the rest of the Arab World were...

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Klingons take over football club

The Premiership was rocked today by another takeover. At a press conference early this afternoon a representative from Newchester Athletic confirmed that the club had been taken over by a new owner from another galaxy. Graham Sprout told reporters...

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Man's Testicles Filled with Toothpaste

Pornstar Bongo John was today revealed as having a scrotum filled with toothpaste. In a reproductive film history, titles such as 'She left with a smile on her face' and 'A filling at the Dentist' had always made his fellow male stars suspicious.

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Trump's Brown People

Trump warns that the brown people are coming. That’s not as bad as the orange person.
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