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President Obama Issues Executive Order, Combining ATF, USDA, GMOs and Climate ChangePresident Obama issued an executive order today, directing the ATF, USDA, GMOs and Climate Change to be combined into one department (FAT ASS).
Chipoltes Bans Employees From Getting InoculatedChipoltes's Co-Chief Executive Officer, Monte Moron, announced today that Chipoltes will no longer employ anyone who has been inoculated.
Rubio To Gay Republicans "I Would Eat A Ball Off Of A Penis Shaped Wedding Cake At A Lesbian Wedding Ceremony"Miami, FL - Courting gay "log cabin" Republicans, Marco Rubio, who just days earlier said he would attend a gay wedding, today said he would happily eat a testicle from a penis shaped wedding cake.
Thomas The Tank Engine Loves Bon JoviThe Island Of Sodor, UK - In a rare but enthusiastic interview, Thomas the Thank Engine admitted that Bon Jovi's music inspires him, when he and the gang are working hard all day, down by the docks.
House of Lords chef tried to blow up a petrol station blames terrorist TV showI was trying to flambe a joint of mutton, M'Lud, according to Halal principles of the Jihadi Cook Book
Original Whitney Houston Lyrics FoundWho knew? Whitney's 1985 Smash Hit, 'Saving All My Love For You,' was originally penned for a porno flick. The original lyrics appear to have been, 'Shaving All My Muff For You.'
Scientists Discover Early Man Was Stupid and UglyWe have long suspected the ugly part but became sure of the stupid part when we discovered an early skeleton with a harelip and carrying a Chia Pet.
Tom Cruise and John Travolta Quit Scamatology to Become Mormons"Ya, like I was like totally blown away you know man by the magic tablets" said John Travolta, while Tom Cruise just grinned and said "Two words. Mormon Underwear."
iToons Shows Apple Logo Biting Android Robot in CrotchIn an apparent act of retaliation, Apple's iToons website displayed the Aaple logo biting the Android robot in the groin area.
New Study Concludes That Semen Prevents Breast CancerA new study, released Wednesday, has concluded that semen, consumed orally, prevents breast cancer. The study was issued by the National Foundation for Men.
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