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Bitch can't afford batteries for her vibrator due to bad economy

Funny story: Bitch can't afford batteries for her vibrator due to bad economy

The current state of the economy is a major turnoff for 21-year-old local resident Jenna Buzzins. The freak used to go through two 8-packs of Energizer AAA batteries a week, and much like the Energizer Bunny, she'd keep going and going… Now she's for...

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Local professor considered an arrogant prick by many

Funny story: Local professor considered an arrogant prick by many

Indiana University professor Dr. Jack Roy Smithton is probably the most arrogant prick on campus. The snobby bastard has been known to glorify himself in lectures, speaking of himself as a so-called "expert" on any number of topics. He never fails to...

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Old booze hound forced to cut out early morning drives due to high gas prices

Funny story: Old booze hound forced to cut out early morning drives due to high gas prices

Bloomington resident Jethro "shot glass" Purvis used to drink a bottle of whiskey every morning at six, followed by a peaceful drive in his green and rust colored '89 Oldsmobile. Most of his drives were in rural areas at a slow speed. Now he can o...

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High Gas Prices turning everyone into stingy, real-life Monopoly Players

Funny story: High Gas Prices turning everyone into stingy, real-life Monopoly Players

It appears the recent surge in gas prices have not only diminished people's checking accounts, but their personalities as well. People are increasingly becoming more selfish with their money, and in particular, their cars. My best friend of 10 yea...

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Vampire suspected in case of missing blood

Funny story: Vampire suspected in case of missing blood

The Monroe County Blood Bucket Facility was robbed last night by a pale-skinned vampire just after midnight. The nocturnal thief stole every single container of Type A blood, leading authorities to believe the bloodsucker is in fact Type A himself. I...

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Obama's lack of Flag Pin proves he's Satanic

Illinois Senator Barack Obama, the presumptive nominee for president, has been found to be satanic by a research group. The independent research group, "Republicans for Rule of the World," said that based on their evidence, Obama is satanic becaus...

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High Gas prices force Arsonist into Retirement

Funny story: High Gas prices force Arsonist into Retirement

The recent spikes in gas prices have hurt everyone from small businesses to nine-to-fivers in terms of transportation. While gas prices haven't hurt convicted arsonist Tim Harris' mobility, he has been affected in other ways. "Sadly, I just can...

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McCain Threatens to Pull out of the Race

Funny story: McCain Threatens to Pull out of the Race

The 71-year-old Senator says he's sick of waiting on Obama and Clinton.

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Breaking news…

Jabba the Trump

I find when I watch cable news in the morning, I much prefer watching Donald Trump talk with the volume off. Imagine an orange Jabba the Hutt as a talentless mime.
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