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Hancock is Large at the Box Office, WALL-E Sees Shrinkage

Funny story: Hancock is Large at the Box Office, WALL-E Sees Shrinkage

(La La Land, CA) - As expected, Will Smith's hanCock was enormous over the 4th of July weekend, yanking off $107 million from the box office in North America since its Wednesday debut. Pixar's previously priapic WALL...

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Hell Welcomes Jesse Helms

Funny story: Hell Welcomes Jesse Helms

(Hades) - Speaking from the crimson colored steps of the newly erected stone edifice that is Hell's Ronald Reagan Theater, Our Great Lord Lucifer at long last welcomed the newest member of his cabinet, former United States Senator Jesse Helms (Fa...

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A WALL-E and a Cock: No Subtlety at the Box Office

Funny story: A WALL-E and a Cock: No Subtlety at the Box Office

(La La Land, CA) - Trying to prove he's still got the biggest firecracker in Hollywood, Will Smith's summer tent pole, hanCock, will throw down with Pixar's giant WALL-E in American theaters over the 4th...

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We Can Make Invisible Things Invisible, Scientist Says

Funny story: We Can Make Invisible Things Invisible, Scientist Says

(Durham, NC) - Leading scientists in the field of Non-Newtonian Non-Sense Gobbledygook reported today that Harry Potter's invisibility cloak may be right around the corner, with one researcher at Duke University going so far as to say that

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WALL-E Enormous at the Box Office; Jolie's Jugs Come in 2nd

Funny story: WALL-E Enormous at the Box Office; Jolie's Jugs Come in 2nd

(La La Land, CA) - By turning on both children and adults, WALL-E sucked up nearly $63 million at the North American box office this past weekend. Telling the story of the last working sex toy/vacuum cleaner left on a barren and ref...

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President Bush in Awe of Mugabe

Funny story: President Bush in Awe of Mugabe

(Washington, DC) - President Bush today said that he was watching the election in Zimbabwe "very closely," and hoped to pick up more reelection tips as the process continued. Referring to the current president of the African nation alterna...

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Wanted: A Robot With a Big WALL-E at the Box Office

Funny story: Wanted: A Robot With a Big WALL-E at the Box Office

(La La Land, CA) - Normally sex and animation don't mix. But with the success of the Jack Black bestiality and violence cartoon Kung Fu Panda paving the way, Pixar heads back into theaters this week with WALL-E,...

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WTF are they doing in North Carolina?

Funny story: WTF are they doing in North Carolina?

(Raliegh, NC) - Thanks to some sharp eyed grandchildren and one overly sensitive grandparent, the North Carolina DMV has decided to replace for free any license plate containing the letter combination "WTF." Told of this potentially $400,0...

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George Carlin's Last Joke: I'm Dead!

Funny story: George Carlin's Last Joke: I'm Dead!

(La La Land, CA) - In what he felt was his funniest anti-establishment joke of all time, George Carlin died yesterday.

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The Love Guru misses it by 'That Much' at the box office!

Funny story: The Love Guru misses it by 'That Much' at the box office!

(La La Land, CA) - Proving that it takes more than bad wigs and 400 dick jokes to lure an audience, Mike Myers return to the big screen with The Love Guru barely drew enough people to fill a medium sized Ashram. Steve Carell's

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Epileptics Throw a Fit Over Tunbridge Wells Decision

Funny story: Epileptics Throw a Fit Over Tunbridge Wells Decision

(Tunbridge Wells, England) - The Tunbridge Wells Borough Council has finally provided proof to the world that too much time on your hands will drive you completely batty. In a memo sent to city workers, the council has instructed all employees to us...

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Martha Stewart: Threat to the British Empire

Funny story: Martha Stewart: Threat to the British Empire

(London, England) - The British Borders Agency, saying only that "we continue to oppose the entry to the UK of individuals where we believe their presence in the United Kingdom is not conducive to the public," today banned style guru and st...

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Mars Lander Finds Ice; Mixed Drinks in Space Coming Soon

Funny story: Mars Lander Finds Ice; Mixed Drinks in Space Coming Soon

(The North Pole, Mars) - In one of the most important scientific discoveries of the last 100 days (at least), the Mars Lander, currently making sand castles in the sand of the polar region of the fourth rock from the sun, has located deposits of ice...

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Jamie Lynn Spears Gives Birth to Girl. It Immediately Becomes Pregnant

Funny story: Jamie Lynn Spears Gives Birth to Girl. It Immediately Becomes Pregnant

(Jackson, Miss.) - Television star and slut extraordinaire Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth today in a mud hollow in Jackson, Mississippi. Within ten minutes the baby girl was pronounced healthy and also pregnant.

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'Smart,' 'Guru' Invade Theaters, Moviegoers Yawn

Funny story: 'Smart,' 'Guru' Invade Theaters, Moviegoers Yawn

(La La Land, CA) - Originality is under attack this weekend at the box office, as Get Smart and The Love Guru, both opening wider than Oprah's vagina, recycle themes, jokes, and characters we have all seen many,...

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Bush Vows Help, As White People Flooded This Time

Funny story: Bush Vows Help, As White People Flooded This Time

(Cedar Rapids, Iowa) - With the water finally receding from a downtown area hit hard by flooding caused by a broken levee, most citizens of Cedar Rapids today expressed confidence that the Bush Administration would not ignore their plight the way the...

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Hulk & Panda Light Up Night at the Box Office

Funny story: Hulk & Panda Light Up Night at the Box Office

(La La Land, CA) - Riding a wave of green steroids and martial arts mojo, The Incredible Hulk and Kung Fu Panda smashed M. Night Shyamalana-Ding-Dong's new film, The Happening, at the box office...

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Naked Princess Eugenie Says She's Just Like You, Only Richer

Funny story: Naked Princess Eugenie Says She's Just Like You, Only Richer

(London, England) - Caught frolicking naked on her college grounds, Britain's Princess Eugenie says she did it to connect with commoners and to "show off my naughty bits, of which I am quite proud."...

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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