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Sepp Blatter "solves" Stephen Lawrence murder case

Funny story: Sepp Blatter "solves" Stephen Lawrence murder case

FIFA president Sepp Blatter has been credited with solving the long-running Stephen Lawrence murder case after a gang of white racists agreed to shake hands with the parents of Stephen Lawrence. "I don't know why we didn't think of this sooner," s...

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EU bans the term "sausage roll"

Bigwigs in Brussels have banned the use of the name "sausage roll" after a lengthy EU debate. EU scientists tested 10,000 sausage rolls from all over the UK and did not manage to make a single one roll. "Every one of them has at least one flat...

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Facebook and Google Plus buy each other

Funny story: Facebook and Google Plus buy each other

Facebook and Google Plus have announced that they are to buy each other, in a shock move that will surprise no one. Facebook has been losing customers since the launch of Google Plus and, over the past month, the social network created by the Sil...

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Pope renews sponsorship with bread factory

Funny story: Pope renews sponsorship with bread factory

The Roman Catholic church has renewed its centuries-old sponsorship deal with the bread factory, countering suspicions that the Pope was cosying up to Garibaldi biscuits magnate Garry Baldy. The bread factory has enjoyed a near exclusive relations...

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New planet is speck of Keppler dust

Funny story: New planet is speck of Keppler dust

A new planet discovered by the Keppler telescope has turned out to be no bigger than a speck of dust, say scientists at the world famous Keppler Nerdshed. "We were excited by the discovery of a planet orbiting two stars," said Professor Devlin Som...

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Bankrupt care home sells off old people

Funny story: Bankrupt care home sells off old people

A care homes company has begun selling off its old people after going into administration. Northern Cross, which operates 130 care homes around the UK, went into administration this week after failing to raise finance to cover its debts. 1,000 sta...

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Olympic Flame to be extinguished, say green campaigners

Funny story: Olympic Flame to be extinguished, say green campaigners

The Olympic Flame is to be extinguished to help save the planet following a campaign by eco charity GreenPolice. The announcement follows a year-long campaign by the pressure group to force the International Olympic Committee to face up to its glo...

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Cliff Maxford launches search for new client

Cliff Maxford is teaming up with Simon Cole and Cheryl Cowell to launch a new TV show called "Search For A Nobody" in which members of the public who are desperate for fame will compete to appear on the cover of tabloid newspapers for doing nothing.

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I want a poppadom, Jade Goody's last wish.

Jade Goody's dying wish is to eat a poppadom, served on a plate by Celebrity Big Brother co-star Shilpa Shetty. The last wish is the latest last wish of the cancer star who is stubbornly refusing to do what Fleet Street has been predicting for we...

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Jade's fart makes headlines

Funny story: Jade's fart makes headlines

Brave Jade Goody farted yesterday, to the relief of tabloid journalists who almost had nothing to write about her. The fart came just in time for the deadline, meaning her face was able to stay on the front page of the newspaper that has been keep...

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Ryanair man to charge for access to house

Funny story: Ryanair man to charge for access to house

A Ryanair employee is thinking of charging his wife £1 each time she uses the toilet in his house. He says the charge is necessary to keep down the cost of flushing. The employee says he is also planning to introduce pay as you go charges for the...

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Boat lands on New York runway

Funny story: Boat lands on New York runway

A boat has landed on the runway of New York's JFK airport, not far from the Hudson River. All passengers are said to have survived. The boat had just taken off from its mooring in the river and was trying to turn back after hitting a fish, but the...

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Foreigners infiltrate British National Party

Funny story: Foreigners infiltrate British National Party

The British National Party has been infiltrated by immigrants, who will be sent "home" if their party ever wins a General Election. The embarrassing error was discovered when the BNP membership list was made public on the Internet, and even the pa...

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BNP members complain of press intrusion

Funny story: BNP members complain of press intrusion

Members of the British National Party have complained of harassment from journalists who keep phoning and emailing them asking if they are being harassed. Jim from Glasgow said he had received 20 phone calls from Fleet Street and local news media,...

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Voters turned away from US election

Funny story: Voters turned away from US election

Thousands of Brits are being turned away from town halls and schools today after trying to vote in the US election. Following months of front-page coverage of the US presidential race in UK newspapers, Brits turned up at their usual polling statio...

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Clarkson in joke scandal

Funny story: Clarkson in joke scandal

The BBC has received more than 200 complaints following a joke on Top Gear, with callers all demanding that Jeremy Clarkson should be sacked. "This joke has been going on too long," said one complainer. "He is not even a funny joke - just a ridicu...

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David Tennant to be new Cillit Bang guy

Funny story: David Tennant to be new Cillit Bang guy

David Tennant has revealed the real reason he has quit as Dr Who - he has been offered £2 million to be the new face of Cillit Bang. "Hi, I'm Barry the Scot," David will be heard shouting at the camera at the top of his voice as he shows us how th...

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Moses made up commandments, says archeologist

Funny story: Moses made up commandments, says archeologist

The ten commandments were faked by Moses, according to an archeologist who has discovered evidence to back up his claim. Moses was one of the most important people in the Bible, who was personally presented with two stone tablets, on which were en...

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