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"Clare Raynor Made My Life Worse" says Cliff Richard

Funny story: "Clare Raynor Made My Life Worse" says Cliff Richard

"Like most young men I looked at the problem pages of women's magazines to see whether there might be an answer to my particular problem", admitted Sir Cliff on the This Morning TV programme. "However, I saw no appropriate guidance so I wrote to C...

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Rod Stewart & Shirley Bassey Clash on Spending Cuts

Funny story: Rod Stewart & Shirley Bassey Clash on Spending Cuts

Rod Stewart was the first celebrity to show open support for the unions in their fight against the coalition government's cuts to public services. At a crowded open-air meeting in Trafalgar Square during the weekend, he called on people to stop the g...

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Pope to Visit Children's Homes - Police Alerted

Funny story: Pope to Visit Children's Homes - Police Alerted

A huge security operation has been initiated following rumours that Pope Bendy Dick intends to visit several children's homes on his UK visit. Hundreds of CCTV cameras have been installed at each establishment and extra police deployed. The Vatic...

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People on Welfare Say Politicians Sitting-in-the-House Lifestyle Will Come to an End

Funny story: People on Welfare Say Politicians Sitting-in-the-House Lifestyle Will Come to an End

People claiming benefits have had enough of politicians lazing around the House of Commons and talking utter crap. Moreover, they are furious that they are now turning on the poor and accusing the needy of being scroungers while they claim expenses u...

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Hurricane Higgins Cleared of Snooker Match Fixing Due to His Being Dead

Funny story: Hurricane Higgins Cleared of Snooker Match Fixing Due to His Being Dead

Alex 'Hurricane' Higgins was yesterday found to be innocent of match-fixing allegations after it transpired that he was in fact deceased at the time. Higgins, who chose not to appear in court, had always previously maintained his innocence but su...

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England Players Have Affairs ON the Pitch

Funny story: England Players Have Affairs ON the Pitch

Publicity advisor Max Cash has always said that England fans are more interested in what England players do ON the pitch rather than what they do OFF it. This has been entirely misinterpreted by some of the team. During the half-time period of th...

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London Hit by Pube Chaos

Funny story: London Hit by Pube Chaos

The announcement yesterday of the end of the week-long action by members of the Razor Retailers Union created chaos in London as it coincided with last night's tube strike. Thousands irritated by the recent scarcity of razors left work early to...

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The End of Pandering to the Olympic Torch

Funny story: The End of Pandering to the Olympic Torch

A panda yesterday accidentally sat on the Olympic torch rendering it impossible to retrieve it without surgery.

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ABBA's White House Visit to discuss new peace initiative in Israel

The Swedish pop group ABBA today attended a meeting with President Bush to see whether they could contribute to the peace process in Israel.

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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