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Street Cleaners caught in plot to kill Pope

Funny story: Street Cleaners caught in plot to kill Pope

Major Boris Johnson appealed for calm last night as a group of street cleaners were caught allegedly attempting to assassinate the Pope. "Street cleaning is an occupation of peace, in fact it literally means peace" said a sweaty BoJo as he stresse...

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Media horrified over speculation that Pastor may do something perfectly legal despite him saying he will not

Funny story: Media horrified over speculation that Pastor may do something perfectly legal despite him saying he will not

The world's media reacted in outrage today as Reverend Terry Jones said he would not burn a Koran. In a statement made under police protection, he told shocked reporters he also had no intention of killing children or raping blacks. Immediately...

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Stephen Hawking says Santa Claus not real

Funny story: Stephen Hawking says Santa Claus not real

The world's mightiest intellect has caused controversy by announcing that Father Christmas does not exist. In a brilliant interview in the Guardian, Europe's foremost newspaper for top thinkers, Hawking, who is literally a human brain, states "the...

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Tony Blair's autobiography to reveal Stig's identity!

Funny story: Tony Blair's autobiography to reveal Stig's identity!

In a decision sure to shock Top Gear fans, ex PM Tony Bliar is to reveal the secret identity of the mysterious driver known as the Stig. Fat balding presenter, Jeremy Clarkson intoned " It is truly unbelievable. I can forgive him for Iraq and lyin...

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SuBo, Bono and Sting headline new Raoul Moat tribute album

Funny story: SuBo, Bono and Sting headline new Raoul Moat tribute album

Susan Boyle and veteran rockers U2 are said to be delighted to perform on a new concept album dedicated to the memory of Raoul Moat. The album entitled The Love Moat also includes contributions from Coldplay and Phil Collins, who will be singing f...

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BBC to honour Raoul Moat by building a moat around Broadcasting House

Funny story: BBC to honour Raoul Moat by building a moat around Broadcasting House

The BBC has announced it is to construct a moat around its central London offices as a tribute to Raoul Moat. The moat is to be filled with the crocodile tears cried by BBC and Guardian journalists, members of the Northumberland Police service and...

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David Icke named new England manager

Funny story: David Icke named new England manager

After England's ignominious 4-1 defeat by Germany, the English Football Association has turned to an unlikely source of salvation, David Icke. This shock decision is sure to outrage many England fans already angered by their team's poor performanc...

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Swiss minaret ban sparks Hollywood backlash

There's mounting anger in Hollywood tonight, as liberals, enraged by the decision of the Swiss to ban minarets, have announced they will take firm action against the 'rogue nation'. Already 5,000 celebrities have signed a petition demanding that Rom...

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Nick Griffin and Bonnie Greer announce shock wedding

Funny story: Nick Griffin and Bonnie Greer announce shock wedding

In a surprise announcement, Nick Griffin leader of the British National Party, and Bonnie Greer, black historian, have set the date for their wedding. This follows a whirlwind romance which took place after Mr Griffin's appearance on Question Time...

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MP claimed £55,000,000 golden throne on expenses

Funny story: MP claimed £55,000,000 golden throne on expenses

A throne made of solid gold costing 55 MILLION was claimed on expenses by Conservative MP Douglas Hogg, it was revealed by the Telegraph last night. Angry taxpayers and members of Hogg's constituency immediately jammed the switchboard of his luxur...

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Shock as Gordon Brown appoints dead bodies to his cabinet

Funny story: Shock as Gordon Brown appoints dead bodies to his cabinet

Signs of Gordon Brown's desperation and increasing distance from reality have appeared today when he announced his latest cabinet reshuffle, a reshuffle which includes the mouldering corpse of Karl Marx, dead for over a century. In what is seen as...

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Criminals weep as they pay tribute to Ian Blair

Funny story: Criminals weep as they pay tribute to Ian Blair

"He knew our criminality sprang from lack of opportunity so he endeavored to give us more." A tearful mugger and part time murderer spoke for many when he said, on hearing the news of Ian Blair's resignation, "he was the best friend we ever had."...

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Ben & Jerry's unveil new human breast milk Ice Cream

Funny story: Ben & Jerry's unveil new human breast milk Ice Cream

Stung by claims that they are insensitive to the welfare of cows, Ice Cream moguls Ben and Jerry have today unveiled their latest product - ice cream made from the breast milk of human females. To facilitate this, they have purchased over a millio...

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Methane timebomb discovered in Michael Moore's Y-Fronts

Funny story: Methane timebomb discovered in Michael Moore's Y-Fronts

Controversial film-maker and polemicist, Michael Moore, produces 60% of the world's methane, experts revealed last night. However it could mark the end of the world if he ever unleashes even a fraction of the monstrous amount of gas which scientis...

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Sarah Palin's Porn Past

Funny story: Sarah Palin's Porn Past

The Republican party was reeling this evening after revelations that its vice presidential candidate, Sarah Palin, had starred in a series of low budget Canadian softcore porn movies in the late 1970s. The films, with titles like Confessions of a...

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Matt Damon backs Matt Damon for President

Funny story: Matt Damon backs Matt Damon for President

"Matt Damon is voting for Matt Damon because Matt Damon knows who Matt Damon is." With those words, actor Matt Damon launched his presidential campaign. Damon, considered by many to be not only the world's finest actor, but also its greatest polit...

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Whoops Apocalypse! Scientists switch on 'doomsday machine'

Funny story: Whoops Apocalypse! Scientists switch on 'doomsday machine'

A cabal of evil Frenchies have today switched on a device which will ultimately lead to the destruction of the universe. The doomsday machine, named after its mad German inventor, Doktor Von Doomsday, was originally designed to convert sawdust and...

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A-Level passes reach 110% in another glorious year

Funny story: A-Level passes reach 110% in another glorious year

Figures from the Joint Examiners for Learning Qualifications (JELQ) show 110.2% of entries in England, Wales and Northern Ireland passed, up from 109.9%. This means that 10% more students passed their exams than actually took them, a triumph for o...

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Breaking news…

Trump to Continue Dictator Tour

There are still a few dictators in the world that Trump hasn't groveled to.
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