It's official, in a secret dossier, known only to myself and several million Daily Mirror readers, John Prescott has entered the Guinness Book of Records as the fattest bastard to ever enter British politics.
Binge drinkers are responsible for a massive rise in illegitimate births according to a secret document known only to myself and several million Daily Mail readers.
The Foreign Office is to relocate to Milton Keynes. A secret document, known only to myself and several million "Mail On Sunday" readers outlines the plans.
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