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Funny story: President Forgets To Pardon 45,999,998 Turkeys

President Forgets To Pardon 45,999,998 Turkeys

WASHINGTON, Nov. 22 -- In a pre-Thanksgiving ceremony at the White House yesterday afternoon, President Obama continued a much-beloved American tradition and forgot to pardon approximately 45,999,998 turkeys. Cobbler and Gobbler, two turkeys who h...
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Funny story: Romney: Obama Unfairly Presidential In Dealing With Hurricane

Romney: Obama Unfairly Presidential In Dealing With Hurricane

KETTERING, OH; Oct. 30, 2012 -- While former governor Mitt Romney and President Barack Obama have agreed to suspend campaigning activities in the wake of Hurricane Sandy, Romney is accusing Obama of not honoring the agreement, claiming that Obama's b...
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Funny story: After US Open, Manhattan to Return to Not Giving a Crap About Queens for 50 Weeks

After US Open, Manhattan to Return to Not Giving a Crap About Queens for 50 Weeks

NEW YORK, Sept. 10 -- Following the captivating final match ending fifteen days of mind-boggling athleticism and heart-stopping drama at the US Open in Flushing Meadows, the borough of Manhattan will return to not giving a crap about the borough of Q...
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Funny story: A Week After Marvin Hamlisch's Death, Americans Still Feeling Nothing

A Week After Marvin Hamlisch's Death, Americans Still Feeling Nothing

As legendary theater and film composer Marvin Hamlisch is buried today in Manhattan, most Americans still feel nothing, local sources say. "Nothing. I'm feeling nothing," said most Americans when asked Hamlisch's passing last week in Los Angeles...
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Funny story: President Forgets To Pardon 45,999,998 Other Turkeys

President Forgets To Pardon 45,999,998 Other Turkeys

WASHINGTON, Nov. 25 -- In a pre-Thanksgiving ceremony at the White House this afternoon, President Obama continued a much-beloved American tradition and forgot to pardon approximately 45,999,998 turkeys. The two pardoned turkeys, Courage and an un...
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Funny story: Chinese Olympic Committee Replaces Skilled Gymnasts With Slightly Less Skilled But Cuter Gymnasts

Chinese Olympic Committee Replaces Skilled Gymnasts With Slightly Less Skilled But Cuter Gymnasts

In keeping with its stern policy of making the best possible visual impression during the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing, ranking members of the Chinese Politboro have ordered their national Olympic committee to replace three of their seasoned and wel...
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Funny story: President Forgets To Pardon 49,999,998 Other Turkeys

President Forgets To Pardon 49,999,998 Other Turkeys

WAHSINGTON, Nov. 20 -- In the 60th annual pre-Thanksgiving ceremony at the White House, President Bush kept with a much-beloved American tradition and forgot to pardon approximately 49,999,998 turkeys prior to the holiday. Two turkeys named May...
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Funny story: Jack Valenti's Funeral To Be Rated R

Jack Valenti's Funeral To Be Rated R

LOS ANGELES, April 26, 2007 -- Due to strong adult content, including intense grief and a graphic depiction of a dead body, the funeral of former Motion Picture Assoc. of America chairman Jack Valenti will be rated R, and children in attendance under...
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Funny story: Fox News Channel Forced To Close Down Issue-Manufacturing Plant

Fox News Channel Forced To Close Down Issue-Manufacturing Plant

NEW YORK, Jan. 14 - Fox News Channel, the 24-hour cable edition of the New York Post, has announced that they will close down their issue-manufacturing plant following a poor year-end showing, citing a downturn in believability and indicatio...
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Funny story: Steroid Abuse Negates World Records, says Konami "Track & Field" Association

Steroid Abuse Negates World Records, says Konami "Track & Field" Association

The anti-doping committee of the Konami "Track & Field" Association, citing rampant steroid usage amongst its competitors in the early days of competition, has stripped Japanese hexathalon legends EEE, FFF and GGG of the world records they...
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Funny story: Phish Retires; U.S. Employment Figures Plummet

Phish Retires; U.S. Employment Figures Plummet

60,000 new job seekers spontaneously appear in Vermont following blowout concert...
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Funny story: Dead Flu-Stricken Parrot Comedically Returned To Pet Shop

Dead Flu-Stricken Parrot Comedically Returned To Pet Shop

Seller Insists Bird is "Just Pining For the Fjords"...
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Funny story: New York Yankees To Build Orbiting Baseball Stadium Of Unspeakable Power

New York Yankees To Build Orbiting Baseball Stadium Of Unspeakable Power

Emperor George Steinbrenner today revealed that his Evil Empire has already begun construction on a baseball stadium in orbit over the forest moon of Endor. This new Death Diamond will house the New York Yankees, a horrific sports franchise capable...
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Funny story: Bush Seeks to Protect Marriage from People Who Are Gay, Post-Menopausal, Barren, Self-Absorbed, Ugly

Bush Seeks to Protect Marriage from People Who Are Gay, Post-Menopausal, Barren, Self-Absorbed, Ugly

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Bush today announced his support of a Constitutional amendment banning childless or otherwise yucky marriage. "We all know that the marriage is a sacred institution, intended for the purpose of procreating and raising...
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Funny story: Al-Qaeda hates America, plans attacks, says US Dept. of Obvious

Al-Qaeda hates America, plans attacks, says US Dept. of Obvious

New evidence suggests group may be terror organization that targets large buildings, government installations and populous cities...
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Funny story: Bush decries "partisan" Congress for establishing Memorial Day

Bush decries "partisan" Congress for establishing Memorial Day

WASHINGTON -- President Bush criticized the 1971 U.S. Congress for their official establishment of Memorial Day, calling them "petty partisans" attempting to politicize the occupation of Iraq.
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Funny story: Bush "troubled" by activist Founding Fathers

Bush "troubled" by activist Founding Fathers

WASHINGTON -- President Bush said Wednesday he was "troubled" by assertions of so-called "Constitutional" rights and the right to "pursue happiness", referring to legal decisions in Massachusetts and the Ninth Circuit an...
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Funny story: Number Of Electronic Devices That Actually Work Correctly On The Rise

Number Of Electronic Devices That Actually Work Correctly On The Rise

A survey released by the World Trade Organization reveals that as many as 44% of electronic devices worldwide actually worked correctly last year, an increase from 39% the year prior.
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Breaking News...

Wi-Fi signal named "Al-Qaeda Free Terror Network" Results In Long Delay For Passengers At Los Angeles Airport

'Our networks are usually named as variations on: 'Moms apple pie - God Bless America,' confirmed an Al-Qaeda spokesman. 'Otherwise it would be a bit f***ing obvious.'
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