CHAPEL HILL, NORTH CAROLINA - Rielle Hunter is planning to give presidential hopeful John Edwards a special gift this Christmas. Miss Hunter, a former Edwards campaign worker, said, "John and I shopped together for this gift about six m...
WASHINGTON - In a startling report issued today by researchers at the Center for Science in the Pubic Interest, statistics show that teenagers are 78% more likely to have sex if they wear white shirts with collars.
NORTHERN IRAQ - Kurdish rebels came under attack today as waves of Turkish fighter-bombers dropped canisters carrying up to 500 turkeys each on rebel positions in the border areas.
TRENTON - New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine is outlawing the death penalty in the Garden State. "We are replacing capital punishment with 'Life in New Jersey' without the possibility of parole. Capital punishment is a piec...
IOWA - Tough guy Dennis Kucinich competes every Friday night in local kickboxing matches. "I use my yoga martial arts training to beat the snot out of my opponent." His...
MASSACHUSETTS - Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton had been anticipating strong support from her alma mater Wellesley College. Hillary Rodham was valedictorian of her class of 1969 at Wellesley and was the first student commencement speaker at the...
NEW YORK - Bud Selig has resigned his post as Commissioner of Major League Baseball. Announcing his retirement before a large gathering of hot dog vendors, batboys, and steroid salesmen, Selig said, "Today, I consider myself the luckiest man...
BOSTON - After 20 months of sniffing around the fetid locker rooms of major league baseball, George Mitchell did more than just uncover the use of steroids among some of baseball's greatest star players.
CAMDEN, NEW JERSEY - Paul McCartney told a group of reporters that he was, "hopelessly addicted to blond peach fuzz."...
BRIMSTONE, SOUTH CAROLINA - Hoping to prove that lemmings have nothing over most Americans, Presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee is working out all the kinks in his Bible thumping routine.
SALEM, MASSACHUSETTS - While in town visiting the graves of her ancestors, Heather Mills McCartney was arrested and charged with six counts of "abnormal flying" under Salem's so-called "witch ordinance" which dates b...
OKLAHOMA - Joe Francis made millions of dollars selling videos of college girls having wild orgies while on spring break. The 'Girls Gone Wild' videos were marketed mainly to men with extremely low self esteem.
In spite of Detroit's recent honor of being declared the most dangerous city in America, new poll of Salt Lake City prostitutes lists Detroit as the premier destination for retired people. The good news was most welcome by Detroit Police Chief E...
LONDON - A hospital spokesperson announced that the surgical procedure to separate the two conjoined Lowton twin brothers was a complete success.
WASHINGTON - The chairmen of the Democratic and Republican parties announced today an agreement in which both parties would hold nationwide primary elections on the same day. At a news conference held in the restroom of a popular Georgetown bar, Demo...
KOLCATA - India News Bureau - Hundreds of reporters gathered at the train station to wait for actress Angelina Jolie who was arriving in town to begin filming the rock opera version of "Mother Teresa."
WASHINGTON - In late breaking news, conservative columnist Robert Novak is sticking behind an earlier story that claims that Hillary Clinton's campaign is spreading the word that there is "scandalous information" relating to the candida...
LONDON EXCHANGE - Highly respected TheSpoof.com is suddenly on the verge of bankruptcy with its low-rated Magazine division leading the otherwise profitable online news outlet straight down the tubes.