(USA Today) - Nancy Pelosi says to "just say NO" to drilling. Former President Bill Clinton replied "maybe a good drilling will make her a little less tense".
Nancy Pelosi stands by her stance to not hold a vote on offshore drilling stating "this...
(NBC) - The No Barack Criticism network (a.k.a. NBC) has released an amazing survey. According to the NBC survey Barack Obama has now opened a 100-0 lead over John McCain. When asked about this turn of events Barack Obama replied "really? Even m...
Toronto (CNN) - Tired of being perceived as Americas Side-kick Canada has petitioned to join the Axis of Evil. Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper stated "we need to toughen up our image and becoming a member of the Axis of Evil is a great fi...
Oakland, CA (CNN) - 83-year-old homeless man, Stan Gelbaugh, loudly proclaimed today that he will not be Barack Obama's Vice Presidential candidate. "Not only will I not accept the Vice Presidential post I won't be traveling to Iraq with...
(CNN) - The Obama campaign has issued a complaint regarding Barack Obama's smearing of Barack Obama during Barack Obama's interview on Larry King Live. During the interview Barack Obama stated "…ultimately, the buck stops with me".
Chicago IL (USA Today) - During Barack Obama's trip to Afghanistan prior to the Democratic Convention he decided to go on a routine patrol mission with U.S. Soldiers patrolling the mountainous region near Gerdi. Wearing his specially tailored Arm...
North Carolina (AP) - By far, the leading U.S. export to Iran is Cigarettes. Also among the leading exports are Bra's and Bull Semen. Bull Semen? This may explain Iranian women and those facial scarves.
Pittsburgh, PA (Pittsburgh Gazeete) - Former Presidential candidate John Kerry has flip-flopped once again.
Shropshire, England (Scientific Human) - Speaking at the Convention of Oil Consultants (COOC) Lord Graham Gilliam revealed his plan to solve the worlds Oil Crisis. He claims to have perfected the process of "Gravity Reduction Surgery".
Atlanta (Reuters) - Speaking at a riverside picnic and Bar-B-Que Michelle Obama was suddenly interrupted by a swarm of mosquitoes. Recovering smoothly she proclaimed "yet another right wing republican attack".
Lame Duck U.S. President, George H. W. Bush has already announced the publication of his first book. Contrary to popular rumor it has more words than pictures.
SAN ANGELO, Texas (CNN) -- DNA swabs have been collected by Texas Officials from jailed polygamist sect leader Warren Jeffs. This is all part of the criminal investigation involving "spiritual marriages" to girls as young as 12. The surpris...
The anti-immigration militia group "Patriots Against Immigration and Naturalization" (PAIN) have released their version of the song "This Land is Our Land" called "This Land is My Land".
(AP Rome) - Amongst speculation that our entire universe is just a child's science project gone awry the Pope announced to a throng of thousands at the Vatican that "God is a Monkey and Darwin was right".
(Boston Globe) - In an effort to lower gas prices over the summer John McCain has called for a suspension of federal gas taxes from Memorial Day to Labor Day, a simpler tax code, and "…no new Tornado's".
(CBS News) - In documents uncovered from Universal Press Syndicate it has been discovered that in the event that Barack Obama should win the General Election President Bush will utilize a little-known clause in the constitution, declare Martial Law,...
Omaha, NE (Omaha World-Herald) - Due to more American Airlines flights being grounded for inspections, Tiger Woods got stuck in Omaha Nebraska this past weekend while en route to the Masters Tournament in Augusta Georgia. Not being one to waste time...
Paris, Texas (Dallas Morning News) - The Olympic Torch has been put out once again. Following the lead in Paris France protestors in Paris Texas have extinguished their own Olympic Torch. An angry mob of protestors built their own Olympic Torch, took...
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