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Buffalo Bills stand on one leg in solidarity

Various teams in the NFL decided to protest President Trump's statements about standing during the national anthem by taking various stances during yesterday's games. The Buffalo Bills decided to stand on one leg during the national anthem, tho...

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"No Justice, No Peace" Replaces "Have A Nice Day"

Funny story: "No Justice, No Peace" Replaces "Have A Nice Day"

"No justice, no peace" has become the most used phrase in the United States, according to the Center for International Justice and Peace, which recently changed its name from the International Peace and Justice Center. A spokesperson from the cent...

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Harry Reid Looks Forward to Retirement and "Eating Lots of Mice"

Outgoing senator Harry Reid says he can't hide it anymore: "I want to be a reptile!" Reid, who said his boyhood dream was to be some sort of lizard or snake, will finally make that dream come true when he retires in a few months. "Lo...

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Donald Trump Accused of Failure at not being President for a Week

Donald Trump is facing harsh criticism for the job he is doing as a citizen. "Wow, this guy won the election a whole week ago and he hasn't even started being president yet. What were we thinking?" said Skip Homeyer of the Whipperford Post web...

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Popular politician vows to take on the Wall Street "Big Money" or some crap

A local political candidate recently promised that, if elected, he'd fight those "big wall street swindlers" and maybe "take on those fat cat bankers" or "something like that." Speaking at a local gathering in front of the Piggly Wiggly, the ca...

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President Obama: "Some of 65 Nation coalition are 'just guys' he knows"

President Obama admitted recently that some of the 65 nation coalition that is supposedly fighting terrorism may not be "full fledged nations, in the strictest sense." Speaking before the press corps and other listeners, the President used espe...

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President Enlists Superfriends to Fight ISIL

President Obama stated today that he would engage the help of "all the Superfriends" to fight the growing threat from ISIL in the next few years. "Yes, we'll have Superman, Batman and Robin, Wonderwoman, or Wonderperson appreciated regardless...

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President decides to "have a serious talk" with Ebola virus

President Obama announced that he wanted to have a serious conversation with the virus that is wreaking havoc on Western Africa and shows signs of spreading to other parts of the world. In a press conference, he stated that he was never told th...

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Team Loses "Must Win" Game, Decides Just Screw It For The Rest Of The Season

The Topeka Grizzlies, a semi pro football team, has just decided to forget about the remaining 6 games and concentrate on their day jobs and families, a spokesman for the team said yesterday. The team, which was 1-3 in the Midwest Central Leagu...

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Improv Group "Pretty Sure" There Was No One In The Audience

The Cincinnati comedy group "Plumbers Delight" artistic director Jake Hertnett said he was almost positive that the group performed an entire 90 minute show for empty chairs last Friday night. "The group has had some challenges" said Hertnett...

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Upstate Pizza: "We're not related to Upstate Urology"

Upstate Pizza and Subs of Troy, NY clarified yesterday that they weren't related to Upstate Urology, another establishment, located in another part of town, and using the same name as the sub and pizza shop. David Grushim, proprietor of the eat...

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President Obama "Wouldn't mind getting laid off for a while"

President Obama recently said that he wouldn't mind "a few months off" and if the government decided to downsize him he would be open to the possibility. "I think we definitely could have a conversation about it, maybe mull it over and look at...

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Nebraska First State to Prohibit Texting While in an Accident

The state of Nebraska has passed strict regulations prohibiting texting while in a car accident. They have added the clause describing any such accident as "fatal or not," adding what they consider to be "real strength" to the law. A spokespers...

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Americans Ignore Warnings; Continue to "Go There"

After a few decades of notices, we as a nation still have far to many people who "go there" after being told not to. During the 1980s and 90s world leaders like Oprah and many others made it almost their personal crusade to stop us from going...

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Man Who Smoked Asbestos Cigarettes "Not Happy One Bit"

A. Richland Moore recently announced that he was filing a lawsuit against several major companies because of his long fight with lung disease that he claims was caused by his addiction to asbestos cigarettes. In the 1980s and 1990s Mr. Moore sm...

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Lou Reed: "Heaven is real. Now I can actually sing!"

Lou Reed communicated from the after life with a message of hope recently, encouraging mankind with assurances that heaven really does exist and the proof of that is that he now can actually carry a tune. "I've learned about all those things li...

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Mock Apple Pie Made With Mock Ritz Crackers

Toppi Vilalgo of Cedar Junction, Nebraska recently made a mock apple pie using imitation Ritz crackers she made from various foods she found around her kitchen. Ms. Vilalgo stated "First off, I can afford a few apples, but when I read about mak...

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"Latina Shemale" Pornstar Revealed Actually To Be French!

Porn performer Samannthaa Coxxx, for years billed as "The Latina Shemale" was revealed today actually to be from Paris, much to the shock of her legions of fans. A teary eyed Coxxx faced an inquisitive press with contrition, apologizing to her...

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Breaking news…

Trump to Continue Dictator Tour

There are still a few dictators in the world that Trump hasn't groveled to.
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