Deerborne, MI-- Ford Motor Company unveiled plans for its highly anticipated 2006 model "Equis LX," a vehicle that may very well revolutionize the automotive industry.
Madison Square Garden, NY- In a live CBS broadcast, Amber walked away with the $1 million prize and a modest diamond engagement ring from Boston Rob, in the season finale of "Survivor."...
Cape Canaveral, Florida- NASA scientists are elated with the newest findings from the Hubble telescope. The powerful telescope recently sent back images so far away, and so old, that they are believed to be pictures of the very beginning of t...
The Forest- Speaking up for herself after years of silence, Goldilocks confirmed her intent to "sue the pants off" the three bears. "I've undergone years of therapy," said the golden-locked beauty, "I'm sure you can imagine, post-traumatic st...
I caught up to CBS anchorman Dan Rather outside his studio in New York. Wearing a dark grey suit and tie, he looked every inch the respected journalist he is.
Toronto, Canada- Baffling geographers around the globe, Canada officially became a member of the European Union this morning.
Stockholm, Sweden-The latest news from the Swedish Institute of Health reveals a surprising new find in geriatrics. Smokers are 86% less likely to suffer fro...
Washington, DC- When President George Bush lost a friendly bet with a friend last week, he didn't expect to enter into an IQ test competition with the friend's 2 1/2 year old daughter. Most of his aides didn't expect him to lose.
Las Vegas, Nevada- In an attempt to recover from stagnant record sales, Britney Spears once again got drunk and married in Las Vegas. This time her victim, er spouse, is none other than dueling pop diva Christina Aguilera.
After careful deliberation, the National Science Board decided logic is an outdated principle. As a result, it is expected that logic will be removed from all day-to-day applications. Logically, however, that is unlikely to occur.
Lima, Indiana- In a case of artificial insemination gone terribly awry, a dairy farmer in rural Indiana gave birth today to a Holstein calf. A neighbor described the incident as "horrific and somewhat unsettling."...
Washington, DC- Many parents are outraged today after hearing the US Department of Education's plans to begin daily distribution of Flintstone vitamins in all public schools. The new vitamin contains the recommended daily allowances of all majo...
Lexington, KY- In what is being called the "shortest March Madness ever," the top-seeded University of Kentucky wildcats have been awarded the NCAA mens basketball trophy, without playing a single tournament game.
Orlando, FL- Two cultures blended beautifully today in a touching ceremony joining Osama Bin Laden and Chelsea Clinton in holy matrimony.
Los Angeles, CA-As People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) begins its annual spring fundraising drive, it has released a new series of billboards across the nation's highways. The newest ad campaign features photographs of pancaked raccoo...
Washington, DC--Now that the Democrats have finally selected a presidential candidate, President George Bush's campaign released a series of television ads this week. The ads focus on Bush's leadership during "difficult times" yet oddly conta...
Hollywood, CA- Surprising Christians and pornography viewers alike, porn star Ron "Hedgehog" Jeremy and televangelist Tammy Faye Bakker Messner announced plans to wed.
Washington, DC--After receiving criticism from many Americans about his new illegal Mexican immigrant work plan, President George W. Bush has unveiled a newer and more astonishing plan, adoringly known as the "Wetback to Work" plan.
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