Britain is bracing itself for a further bout of Apocalypse and Armageddon tonight after millions of people were left wet and cold.
The parents of missing toddler Madeleine McCann had their hopes raised yet again after a fossilised skeleton was discovered in Germany - only to be told it was in fact the claw of a prehistoric crustacean.
The sensational Royal Blackmail Scandal has unmasked one of the oldest traditions of the British Monarchy: Knob Polishing.
Sick of dodging bullets at peaceful protests, the monks of Burma are seeking shelter under the steel wings of legendary superhero Batfink.
Geordie Dwarfs Ant & Dec were sensationally fired last night after their latest TV stunt dramatically backfired.
A new case of 'not knowing his arse from his elbow' has been confirmed at a fourth farm tonight.
Cult writer Martin Amis has admitted his novels are 'a load of bobbins' and 'a bit crap' under interrogation by Jeremy Paxman.