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"Us Weekly" Will Now Contain Only Pop-Up Pictures

Funny story: "Us Weekly" Will Now Contain Only Pop-Up Pictures

In an effort to outdo its competition in the fashion-centric, highly visual world of entertainment news, "Us Weekly" magazine will now contain only large, cardboard, pop-up pictures of celebrities, and will contain no text whatsoever. The...

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New Alternative Energy Source Will Save Our Planet. In Theory.

Funny story: New Alternative Energy Source Will Save Our Planet. In Theory.

Finding an effective, environmentally-friendly source of energy to replace fossil fuels has proven difficult indeed. The modest successes of wind, hydro-electric, and solar power have been overshadowed by embarrassing failures, like the Photosynthes...

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New Ambulance Siren Will Include Sound of Machine-Gun Fire

Funny story: New Ambulance Siren Will Include Sound of Machine-Gun Fire

"Something has to be done - nobody respects the ambulance siren anymore," explained local ambulance driver, John Walsh, as he flicked on his siren to more easily navigate through a crowded McDonald's parking lot. "I heard about th...

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Terminally-ill Chimp Asks Make-A-Wish for Opposable Thumbs

Funny story: Terminally-ill Chimp Asks Make-A-Wish for Opposable Thumbs

Apples, a highly intelligent, sign-language-using chimpanzee at Washington's Chimpanzee and Human Communications Institute (CHCI), was diagnosed last month with an aggressive form of bone cancer that gives her, at most, nine months to live. The...

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Extremist Pro-Life Organization Seeks to Ban Kicking in the Nuts

Funny story: Extremist Pro-Life Organization Seeks to Ban Kicking in the Nuts

When does human life actually begin? Those who believe in a woman's right to choose say life begins late in gestation, meaning a fetus can be aborted early in the pregnancy without moral consequence.

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Tree Surgeon Faces Malpractice Suit

Funny story: Tree Surgeon Faces Malpractice Suit

"I was a little surprised by the charges of malpractice," said long-time Connecticut tree surgeon Gary Minnowitz, "I've always provided my patients with the best possible care, and I just plain love trees - sometimes physically. I...

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World to End Next Tuesday. Maybe.

Funny story: World to End Next Tuesday. Maybe.

Self-certified Apocalyptic Prediction Expert, Ed Davis, says he is 100% sure there's a 50% chance the world will end next Tuesday. If the Apocalypse does indeed occur next week, theorizes Mr. Davis, it will either be in the form of a giant meteo...

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