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PA primary win takes Clinton one step closer to holding Bible for McCain

PHILADELPHIA - Senator Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign picked up a much-needed victory in the Pennsylvania Democratic primary last night. Clinton topped rival Barack Obama, claiming 55% of the popular vote to Obama's 45%, gaining 80...

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William Shatner comments on presidential race, endorses self

LOS ANGELES - Emmy-winner, Star Trek's original Captain Kirk, William Shatner weighed in on the ongoing race for the White House, wishing all candidates in both parties luck, and going on record to endorse himself.

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Romney: "Go f*ck yourselves"

Funny story: Romney: "Go f*ck yourselves"

BOSTON - Speaking to a sparse gathering of supporters late last night, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney expressed disappointment at his poor showing in yesterday's Super Tuesday primaries.

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Clemens issues limited edition steroid denial

Amidst a flurry of attention stemming from his inclusion in the Mitchell Report detailing steroid use in Major League Baseball, seven-time Cy Young Award winner Roger Clemens released a one-page written denial of all charges made against him.

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In midst of writer's strike, Lucas moves forward with Star Wars series

Funny story: In midst of writer's strike, Lucas moves forward with Star Wars series

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In his office at the Letterman Digital Arts Center, his state-of-the-art production headquarters, George Lucas is hard at work preparing the initial episodes of his much anticipated new Star Wars live-action television series. Pr...

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Mattel Recalls Heidi Klum

Funny story: Mattel Recalls Heidi Klum

EL SEGUNDO, CA - Citing safety concerns originating with its Chinese manufacturers, toy company Mattel announced today an immediate recall of Heidi Klum. CEO Robert Eckert said the recall became necessary after an investigation into a Mattel subcont...

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USC Awards Scholarship to Zygote

Funny story: USC Awards Scholarship to Zygote

LOS ANGELES, CA - University of Southern California men's basketball coach Tim Floyd announced today that he has obtained an oral commitment from a zygote to attend USC under a full basketball scholarship after completing high school.

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Breaking news…

New Bill Would Give Guns Citizenship

Sen. Ted Cruz (TX-R) introduced a bill {BLAKA} that would give guns US citizenship, along with the right to vote and own weapons. Asked about how they felt about this bill a gun said "bang bang click"
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