Washington, DC (AP) - The screams of a thousand minds cracking at once into depths of madness unimaginable within this universe were heard on the streets of the US Capitol as former Vice President Dick Cheney inadvertently lowered his human shell, re...
Las Vegas, NV - Scientists' fears of Global Warming were vindicated as it began a vicious crime spree on the Las Vegas strip on Wednesday, indulging in criminal acts ranging from vandalism (urinating in the fountain pool of the Bellagio) to strongarm...
Washington, DC (AP) - President George W. Bush of the USA, his popularity flagging, has reached out across the pond seeking someone, anyone, to take some of the heat that has resulted from his foreign policy off of his back. To that end, he has exte...
Washington, DC (AP) - Presidential candidate and talented block of wood Fred Thompson stunned his ten followers Thursday when he went under the knife of local plastic surgeon Red Torrence in an effort to make himself physically, if not ideologically,...
Washinton, DC (AP) - In a monumental signing statement today, President Bush authorized the use of thumbscrews during "enhanced interrogations" by CIA and other US agents.
Planet Earth (AP) - A study conducted by the League of Informed Gentlemen has determined that reading articles and stories on satire website The Spoof! is nearly as or more informative than most mainstream media reporting.
New York, NY (AP) - Intense negotiations over the contract renewal of Fox News anchor Bill O'Reilly wrapped up today after O'Reilly was granted the request that had held up the negotiations; that his wardrobe be exclusively produced by Indian...
Tirana, Albania - Albanian spectators cheered as a small rally of 100 peace-loving American hippies were ruthlessly apprehended by black-clad paramilitary forces thought to be under the command of the CIA. Albania, known for its unbending support of...
WASHINGTON, DC - A handful of delicate Senators and Representatives collapsed on Thursday as they entered the grueling final hours of yet another two day workweek, underlining the very important issue of Representative Exhaustion (Repex), caused by t...
Binghamton, NY - Binghamton University researchers have discovered a permanent cure for stupidity, which guarantees its users a thirty to fifty point IQ boost. Unfortunately, they have found little market for their new miracle drug, as most people p...
WASHINGTON. DC - Michael Chekof, a former aide to President George W. Bush, was recently shipped off to the infamous detention center in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, after having the misfortune of walking in on the President while he was deep in the middle...
AP - Washington, DC, USA - Vice President Dick Cheney was reported to be deep in the bowels of his Unterfuhrerbunker in recent days chanting over a bubbling cauldron filled with the blood of a hundred defenseless woodland creatures, the brai...
Cambridge, MA - A panel of 14 different experts in literature and poetry concluded a months-long study into the poetic abilities of the average fourteen year-old. Their findings were nothing if not disheartening.
Hollywood, CA - Television star and and opinionated uber-lesbian Rosie O'Donnel wowed fans as she greedily consumed three male silverback gorillas to protest something or another, though no one could figure out exactly what through the hail of bl...
Pyongyang, North Korea - In an entirely unsurprising vote on Monday, the North Korean people showed their unwavering support for President Kim Jong Il as they unanimously voted him "Sexiest Man Alive" in state-sponsored elections.
Boston, MA - A ten-minute long Harvard study concluded yesterday that calling bikers "sissies" was a quick way to get oneself murdered.
Washington, DC - President Bush publicly denounced torture soon after wrapping up a political brunch with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi which involved heavy negotiations regarding a number of pending bills, including the controversial "No Child Lef...
New York, NY - In a long-overdue move on Sunday, the United Nations unanimously denounced Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler for ruining the swastika and his trademark moustache for the rest of the world.