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Bitter U.S. Political Divide Forces Blood Banks to Classify Samples by Political Affiliation

The task of providing life-saving blood transfusions has always involved the added complication of matching each recipient's blood type and RH factor with a compatible sample of donated blood. Now, due to the ever-growing political divide in the Unit...

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Eurozone Leaders Agree to Stake Bailout on Soccer Final

In an effort to promote this weekend's European Championships between Spain and Italy, UEFA has struck a deal with the European Central Bank whereby immediately following the conclusion of this Sunday's match, the sovereign debt of the winning countr...

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Bloomberg to Set Sights on Little Italy in Anti-Obesity Campaign

Funny story: Bloomberg to Set Sights on Little Italy in Anti-Obesity Campaign

After easily pushing through his ban on sugar sodas as part of his War on Obesity, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg is now considering closing down the popular restaurant district of Little Italy. Bloomberg claims the historic area's regula...

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Bernanke Finally Admits He Has "No Clue" About U.S. Economy

After sixteen consecutive quarters of shockingly incorrect calls on the state of U.S. economy, Chairman of the Federal Reserve Ben Bernanke said this week's press conference would be his final sorry attempt at making predictions about the financial d...

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MIT Blackjack Team Breaks Bank with Opposite-of-Bernanke Fund

Funny story: MIT Blackjack Team Breaks Bank with Opposite-of-Bernanke Fund

Using the same types of probability calculations that they once used to beat Las Vegas, the MIT Blackjack Team has now taken on Wall Street with more resounding success. The team's blackjack operation made famous in the book "Bringing Down the H...

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Texans Hope Paul Can Restore State's Reputation After Bush Fiasco

Funny story: Texans Hope Paul Can Restore State's Reputation After Bush Fiasco

It was once a state whose residents considered themselves Texans first and Americans second. It was big oil, big money, big hats and most of all big Texas pride.

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Salvation Army No Longer Accepting Donations with NYPD/FDNY Logos

Funny story: Salvation Army No Longer Accepting Donations with NYPD/FDNY Logos

Due to a deluge of unwanted hats and t-shirts with the NYPD and FDNY markings, the Salvation Army said they are no longer accepting these items at their nationwide collection centers.

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Study Finds Americans Have Inexplicable Attraction to Luggage Carousels

Funny story: Study Finds Americans Have Inexplicable Attraction to Luggage Carousels

A study by the Feudal Aviation Administration (FAA) shows Americans cannot keep themselves from standing as close to luggage carousels as humanly possible despite the obvious dangers and impracticality.

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Media Producing Mixed Messages on Ron Paul; Voters Confused

Funny story: Media Producing Mixed Messages on Ron Paul; Voters Confused

With interest in the presidential primaries heating up among the electorate, television viewers are tuning in the major news networks to find out which candidate the media has chosen for them to vote for in the presidential primaries. However, more...

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Democrats Plan To Disband If Republicans Win in '08

Funny story: Democrats Plan To Disband If Republicans Win in '08

Democratic leaders released a statement today stating that if they should lose the presidential election in 2008, they will break up the party and move into other lines of work.

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ExxonMobil to buy US Military for $100 Million-trillion

Funny story: ExxonMobil to buy US Military for $100 Million-trillion

Oil giant ExxonMobil has agreed to purchase the United States Military for $100 Million-trillion in a combined cash and stock purchase.

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Corporate Bidders to Replace Popular Vote in Congressional Elections

Funny story: Corporate Bidders to Replace Popular Vote in Congressional Elections

Congress has proposed a novel new program which promises to eliminate the National Debt and save Social Security all in one fell swoop.

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Media Conglomerates to Replace States in Electoral College

Funny story: Media Conglomerates to Replace States in Electoral College

The Senate announced today that it passed a bipartisan Election Reform Bill with unanimous support. The new bill rules that the five biggest international media corporations will replace the fifty states in the electoral college which selects the Un...

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Screenwriters Publish Annual List of Morally Safe Stereotypes

Funny story: Screenwriters Publish Annual List of Morally Safe Stereotypes

The Anonymous Screenwriters Organisation has released its official list of Politically Correct Stereotypes for the 2008 season. President Sam S. Samson said that it is a difficult, but necessary process.

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Giuliani Declares "Four More Years!" as Official Campaign Slogan.

Funny story: Giuliani Declares "Four More Years!" as Official Campaign Slogan.

NEW YORK - In its most recent press release, the Giuliani camp has announced that it will be using the tag line "Four More Years!" as its primary slogan for the remainder of the 2008 presidential race.

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Giuliani Recommends Orwell's "1984" as Blueprint for Future

Funny story: Giuliani Recommends Orwell's "1984" as Blueprint for Future

Iowa City, Iowa - While campaigning to a group of college students in America's Heartland, Republican Presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani told the audience to re-read George Orwell's classic "1984" to get an idea of what this country...

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Jabba the Trump

I find when I watch cable news in the morning, I much prefer watching Donald Trump talk with the volume off. Imagine an orange Jabba the Hutt as a talentless mime.
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