The Sistine Chapel is the location that the world's eyes are on now. Many have been looking for white smoke rising from the chapel as a sign the new Pope has been chosen. But, what they don't realize is that several other colors could rise, meaning s...
Los Angeles, CA - The world first mammogram machine featuring celebrity hands has been authorized for testing in a Beverly Hill Hospital. The prototype, known as the Richard Gere 1, is actually autographed by the famous actor and has breast supports...
Vatican- Today in Rome Cardinals in the conclave debated what the new Pope must be able to do. Quite surprisingly there seemed to be a spirit to include some very new kinds of skills:
* Dancing
* Singing
* Lead guitar
* Tamborine
* Gangnam Style...
NASA has chosen the first astronaut team that will train and travel in a manned mission to Mars in 2020. They were chosen in a democratic nominating process that has many current and former NASA astronauts up in arms. The team is made up 6 people, in...
In a historic vote today House Republicans lead by John Boner voted to eliminate the artificial poverty line. Typically the poverty rate is considered to be "on average" in the U.S. (and it varies from state to state) $11,440, for one person living a...
Boeing Headquarters - Battery experts are hailing the decision to scrap the new hybrid aircraft's lithium battery electrical system in favor of gerbil driven generators, a step in the right direction. Or should we say a jog on a miniature treadmill i...
Washington D.C. - Just hours after articles demanding an apology for claims that Hillary Clinton was not really ill and that her problems were too convenient. the Secretary of State received a special delivery.
"It was 2 dozen roses," said Clinton...
Houston, TX - Scientists today are excited all over again. Earlier in the week they thought the Mars Curiosity Rover had discovered methane gas on the red planet. Such a discovery would have meant something very impressive. Living organisms produce m...
Orlando, FL - A bar in an underground area seen by few outsiders, I am here to interview the new cast of an American classic movie, Star Wars IV, Return of the Jedi. Reporting this story involved certain risks. It involved entering the Disney underwo...
National Radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh today declared that Mitt Romney himself is part of a Left Wing Conspiracy to discredit conservatives and the Republican Party.
"Mitt Romney's words on Libya and riots in Egypt are total fabrications tha...
Moscow - A judge today handed down stiff prison sentences of two years on Friday afternoon for three young women who staged a protest against Vladimir V. Putin in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior last February. They were jailed for hooliganism char...
U.S. Representative Michele Bachmann has agreed to settle for a punishment for reckless and controversial comments about Huma Abedin. Instead of facing censure in Congress, Bachmann has agreed to wear a ball gag for the next month.
John McCain le...
Hollywood - Though it has been nearly 35 years since his discovery of the fact Princess Leia was his twin sister, Luke has yet to totally come to grips with the reality of the situation. Today a balding man with a beer belly, Luke opened up and spill...
San Francisco - The big question here at the U.S. Open isn't whether or not Tiger Woods will win another Major. We know that he will, but the larger, perhaps more frightening question is will he win a prize in a box of cereal? It is a little known f...
Tuscon, Az- "Yo no tengo guacamole, yo is sad." said Romney to blank stares from the Latino Chamber of Commerce in Tuscon, Arizona.
"Is he speaking Spanish?" asked Frederico Gomez, father of a local Catholic Church. "No," said his friend Carlos Es...
Dublin, Ohio - Is Tiger Woods Back? The question has rung out through out the land. But according to greens keeper Morty McSnerd at a small par 3 course in Dublin Ohio, the question is completely lupid.
"The press should be ashamed, they are compl...
After it's two greatly successful Reality Shows of Celebrities Watching Paint Peel, and Painful Pus Filled Zits on Justin Beaver, TNT has broken ground on a new show sure to capture the insomniac audience: Fingernails of the Stars, featuring a contes...
Athens = In a surprise move Greek officials today announced they are claiming a patent on Greek salads. They will demand royalties be paid on every Greek salad made by every restaurant in the world, beginning immediately and retroactive to 1950.