It was discovered today that the "hole in the ozone layer" can definitely be attributed to talk show host Bill "Let's Kill all the Mexicans" O'Reilly.
A 23 year old man was stunned to learn yesterday that money does in fact not grow on trees.
"I guess we're not what you'd call your typical college freshmen, are we?" giggled Thaxton Hall's newest residents. "It's just that we missed her so much!" stated James and Vera Ackerman, parents of the college f...
The news that Rex, a seemingly normal dog from Madison, Wisconsin, was recently granted speech took a bizarre twist yesterday when a throng of angry neighbors gathered at the front gate of the Marsh family home. The 50 or 60 agitated adults and chil...
"Pizza Face" Rodriguez, "Thunder Thighs" Koontz, and "Ugly-Jo" Martin are each being held by authorities indefinitely under a no-bond status. The girls are awaiting arraignment in a multi-jurisdictional sting which culm...
A Milwaukee mother of 4 was found dead on her kitchen floor earlier today, of an apparent heart attack. When Mrs. Wendy Wilson discovered her teenaged son had taken out the trash without being asked, the shock was too great for the 42 year old single...
A deal has been struck among 64 of the men laying claim to having fathered Anna Nichole Smith's baby, Dannielynn. The final figure of 64 was arrived at by some reputable Vegas bookies running the odds and multiplying the number of days Ms. Smith...
The mother of the late Anna Nicole Smith announced today she is holding tryouts for any man claiming to be the biological father of baby Dannielynn. Among the contenders is a cryogenically frozen sample of Ms. Smith's late husband Mr. Marshall&...
Corpus Christie, TX. Gone are the good old days of double and triple overtime. "We don't need no sissies waving pansy-ass rule books in our faces to tell us how to settle a score! We'll bring new meaning to the term sudden death overtime...
Cristle-Anne Spatoli, author of the sensational N.Y. Times best-seller: "Teach your Daughter to be a Trophy Wife, A Practical Guide for Mothers," has died at the age of 79. Not unironically, the cause of death was listed as: "constan...
"You call that crap music? I've heard Ashlee Simpson bark out better stuff on the wrong side of an acid reflux aspiration," the feisty redhead snapped. This after Lucille Ball was approached earlier today by reporters alleging Super B...
When a Secret Service agent handed him a spork, one of those ubiquitous plastic utensils usually found littering the sidewalks of Washington, DC., the President declared nostalgically to no one in particular, "Gosh ... this looks just like that...
In a croaking whisper Fidel Castro was heard to mutter what had to have been almost his last words: "Juguemos Lacrosse!" (Let's play lacrosse!). In a sort of reverse homage to Durham, NC Prosecutor Mike Nifong, Castro has decid...
Clutching agitatedly at the rapidly thinning tuft of hair on the front of his head, David Letterman pronounced in the middle of last night's show, "I can't take it any more!"...