IN AN MOVING emergency address to the nation, President George W Bush last night dropped a bombshell on his fellow Americans when he delivered the news that he has purchased cartoon superstar Popeye's arms to aid against the war on global terror.
FRESH from his victory at the Iron Man Triathlon across the mountainous landscape of Peru last week, Professor Stephen Hawking has announced that he is set to hit the stage.
TWO-FACED celebrities were coming out of the woodwork today, after the news that Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher has died of syphilis.
US Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has defended comments made during an international summit on race relations last week, when he allegedly pulled faces at the Chinese delegate, and asked for an order of "Flied lice".
"Ding dong . . . . . the witch is gone!" This is the unifying chant which has brought an entire nation to a climactic celebration in Scotland which has become a Mecca for party-goers across Britain.
THE Spoof Newsdesk was thrown into a state of panic today, after the announcement of George Bush's death forced them to face the fact that they will now have very little to write about in the future.
IN A moving speech last night, the wife of Eternia's most ruthless supervillain made a controversial pledge to stand by her embattled husband after a week of scandalous allegations regarding his extra-marital sex life.
A BOTCHED bid by a 'shoe bomber' to blow up a transatlantic airliner had hilarious consequences today when he entertained passengers by having his legs fly to either end of the plane.
IT WAS with tears in his synthetic eyes that plastic American icon Ken opened his heart to The Spoof this week, as the recently dumped male doll revealed the "raging drug fueled attacks" he regularly suffered at the hands of his form...
Amnesty international chiefs have slammed a new US anti-personnel weapon, demanding it be recalled from use.
IN A shock announcement this morning, Home Secretary David Blunkett has ordered that serial killer Harold Shipman finish his life prison sentence, despite being dead since mid January.
IT HAS been revealed that jailed serial killer, Harold Shipman was murdered in his cell by the prison doctor late last night.
IT WAS revealed this week, that in a desperate bid to save the British entertainment industry, the hand of dead puppeteer Rod Hull will be re-animated and inserted in his loveable sidekick, Emu.
ANOTHER six series were awarded to disgraced TV host, Michael Barrymore, after the flagging star, opened his heart and confessed, AGAIN!...
TODAY was a solemn day for Scotland's community of Travellers, as they remembered those lost in the September 12th disaster. It was only a few months ago, that the disater occurred, when a McDonalds lorry, crashed into the capital of the Pikey se...