Sir Alex Ferguson, the outgoing manager of Premier League champions Manchester United, is to be unveiled later this week as the new manager of arch-rivals, and last year's champions, Manchester City.
Sir Alex, 81, handed in his resignation letter...
Fans of Millwall FC, in trouble recently for fighting amongst themselves at Wembley Stadium, have announced that they have split, not into two warring factions, but three.
The FA Cup semi-final tie against Wigan Athletic was noteworthy, largely, f...
The coffin of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, who died a few days ago, is to be launched into Deep Space after her funeral, it has been claimed by me.
Thatcher, who was "highly thought-of" in mining circles, was the first woman to...
Margaret Thatcher, the former British Prime Minister, who died after a stroke the other day, is to have her head recycled, according to a news report released in my own head this afternoon.
Thatcher, 87, was also known as the Iron Lady, due to her...
Living conditions in British zoos are so comfortable for wild animals, that species from all continents are literally flocking to get into them, says respected Bangkok-based animal psychologist Joseph Steele.
The claim came amid some early morning...
Former England manager Steve McClaren has left his role as coach of the Dutch club FC Twente the day after holding talks with chairman Joop Munsterman over what the latter called 'language difficulties'.
Munsterman said:
"We can't understand hi...
Lance Armstrong, the 7-time Tour de France winner who, it's been revealed, achieved his victories with the help of banned drugs, is only cheating himself, writes spoof cycling correspondent Moys Kenwood.
Armstrong used a cocktail of banned substan...
A room which has become known to his friends as The Wanking Palace, has been designated 'Out of Bounds' by the parents of Clark Dylson, a juvenile in one of the South African capitals, Cape Town.
Dylson, an habitual masturbator, regularly retires...
Washed-up comedian Jim Davidson has been arrested by police in London after complaints from members of the public that he is shit.
Davidson, 59, is the one-time 'funnyman' who coined the jocular phrase "Nick, Nick", and built his whole act upon it...
String Theory, the idea that the whole universe is held together by an enormous amount of extremely small pieces of string, has been disproved according to a scientist doing research in the Thai capital of Bangkok.
Moys Kenwood, 49, has told frien...
It was a bad night for England fans as their team lost their friendly match in Sweden 4-2, but in other games, there was even more drama starting with the incredible performance in Saudi Arabia of Argentina, who managed to hold The Sheiks, as they ar...
The Reading striker Jason Robots has said that he would shake John Terry's hand but he has refused to say whether or not he believes the Chelsea captain is a racist.
My guess is that he does, indeed, think Terry is a racist, but that he is just to...
Cycling legend Lance Armstrong, who has recently been stripped of his seven Tour de France victories because of as-yet-unproven drug-taking allegations, is rumoured to be in danger of losing his right to be called Lance Armstrong.
The rumour, star...
The Manchester United and former England defender Rio Ferdinand has told reporters that his ex-England team-mate John Terry is a "despicable cad" and no longer on the black star's Christmas card list.
Terry has been at the centre of racist abuse a...
John Terry the former England international and current Chelsea captain, who has been at the epicentre of recent racial abuse allegations, has been the inspiration of a new initiative by anti-racism campaigners which has become known as the Kick Him...
Manchester United and England star Wayne Rooney has this evening been sensationally linked with Championship side Barnsley after the Tykes offered forward John Rooney - Wayne's brother - a contract until the end of the season, subject to internationa...
After the inglorious way in which Manchester United threw away last year's Premier League title race to city rivals, Manchester City, the new season began no better for the Old Trafford club, as they were soundly beaten 1-0 by an unfancied Everton te...
Afghan Olympic 'sprinter' Tahmina Kohistani, the woman who has been dubbed "the slowest runner of all time", crossed the finish line of her 100m race yesterday, the day after she first ambled out of the starting blocks.
Kohistani, roared on by the...