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Is this the slowest girl in the world?

Funny story: Is this the slowest girl in the world?

Is this the slowest girl in the world? People seem to think so. She can regularly be found in the last place you left her, this was the first clue says sources. ‘Flat cap' as she was once nick named for no apparent reason, has struggled to come to te...

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She's not heavy, she's my lover.

Funny story: She's not heavy, she's my lover.

Most people find love in the usual places. For example, in the modern age of the computer most people are satisfied with spending all of their waking hours trawling through seedy chat rooms in search of that someone special, after all people often sa...

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Pull off into paradise?

A boarding house situated in Blackpool has been charged with false advertising. Their slogan ‘pull off into paradise' has been targeted by the police because of its misleading nature. One policeman said ‘this catchphrase suggests that the boarding ho...

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Family ‘top', tap champs…. And breathe

Its been announced this morning that the family of tap dancers, stage name ‘family top', have been declared the champions of UK tap. The competition, which took place last night in the quiet town hall of Bedims, was watched by a few locals, who where...

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Corra turning comedy

Funny story: Corra turning comedy

The latest reports are that in a bid to shake up the ratings war, Coronation Street will be attempting to do comedy later this year. The announcement comes after threats from southern sister ‘Eastenders' to reinstate Barbara Windsor as queen of carry...

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Roommate from hell?

Funny story: Roommate from hell?

Is this the description of a roommate from hell? One girl thinks so, namely the girl who is forced by law or summat to share a room at university with him. He goes by a different name everyday-that was the girl's first clue to something not being rig...

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Students: Beware of Piccalilli loving Porter

Students at universities around the country beware. There is a man pretending to be a porter/handyman lurking in the shadows. This ‘man' can be identified by the fact that he wears a name badge that he's made himself, its got sequins and glitter and...

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The knife to be discontinued!

Shock news on that Trevor McDonald show last night, what's it called? Well whatever it is called, the basic fact is that the humble knife, that modest kitchen utensil, is to be discontinued from production.

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The Krankies landed with a very large psychiatrist's bill

The 1990's double act going under the name 'Krankies' have been entertaining, some say mentally abusing, kiddies for too long now.

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Vera Duckworth ain't for sale

Queen of the street Vera Duckworth stamped her foot down last night when ITV bosses offered to 'let her go' with a tidy redundancy package.

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No more nonsense sayings: it confuses the thicks

It has been announced today that people will be banned from saying things that dont make sense. The proposed penalty for such an offence will be a sharp greeting from Mr. Truncheon, followed by a swift frog march down to spend some time at Her Majest...

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Giant cheque businesses face tricky period

The giant cheque business is allegedly about to go bust. With the two main events of the year which see a dramatic climb in sales now over with the industry is going to have to weather the storm.

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Barbara windsor to make shock appearance on corra!

Funny story: Barbara windsor to make shock appearance on corra!

Barbara Windsor, or Babs as she is known to her close personal friends and fan club members, is due to make a guest appearance on popular northern soap 'Coronation Street'. This is just one of a number of new storylines due to hit our screens...

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Evidence to prove inconclusively that midgets are wrong.

Funny story: Evidence to prove inconclusively that midgets are wrong.

A straw pole has suggested that midgets are very, very wrong. Midgets or ‘little people' as they prefer to be called, have long been entertaining us is the form of circus freak shows.

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Looking in the mirror is not all its cracked up to be, gasp!!!

Scientists have made yet another shocking discovery. The mirror is a fake. People and wicked witches alike can often be found gawping at themselves in the invention that has now become to be known as mirror. Scientists have now deemed this past time...

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A nation of illiterate whiz kids?

The papers are often full of claims that today's youth are forgetting how to spell; they'd rather spend their time texting crazy new letter combinations to each other than sitting in, in front of a log burning fire reading the dictionary, unbelievabl...

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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