Showing stories written by David Swinstead

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Funny story: I.D.S. out - already found selling hotdogs in Wigan

I.D.S. out - already found selling hotdogs in Wigan

After tonight's unsurprising vote of no-confidence in I.D.S. reports are that he fled Westminster long before the results came in, and is now flipping burgers and tossing the wieners in a hotdog stand in Wigan.
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Funny story: Lava Lamp Erupts On Right Tit

Lava Lamp Erupts On Right Tit

A lava lamp that has laid dormant for years has today erupted, taking countless lives and leaving thousands injured and without homes.
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Funny story: Woman With Large Breasts Arrested

Woman With Large Breasts Arrested

A woman with large breasts has been arrested today, following allegations of manslaughter due to her dangerously large bosom.
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Funny story: Flying Pig Spotted In Durham

Flying Pig Spotted In Durham

No less than 78 people spotted a flying pig in Durham yesterday. The event occurred at around 1:30pm and said pig continued to soar about for approximately an hour, much to the amazement of the crowd that gathered in awe.
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Funny story: Hero Squirrel Thwarts Nemesis

Hero Squirrel Thwarts Nemesis

David the makeup wearing (though fully heterosexual) squirrel has, today, successfully thwarted the evil plan of his arch enemy Dr. Evil Squirrel, who was attempting to gain access to the USA's nuclear missile launch codes. Dr. Evil Squirrel (kno...
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Funny story: Slipknot Hire Llewelyn Bowen

Slipknot Hire Llewelyn Bowen

In what is being heralded as the most surprising move in any band's career, thrash metallers "Slipknot" have hired the talents of interior designer Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen. Bowen, 36 is rumoured to be thrilled by the new prospect, and is already in t...
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Funny story: Guantanamo Bay Prisoners Get More

Guantanamo Bay Prisoners Get More

In an attempt to compromise with the demands being put forward in court by families of the prisoners being held there, US military officials are increasing the rights of all suspects at Guantanamo Bay, of which there are now in excess of 300. The...
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Funny story: New Linux Mascot Created

New Linux Mascot Created

Following up on last months exclusive report on the "branching out" of Linux mascot Tux the penguin, this privileged reporter has been shown official primary sketches of what has been confirmed as the replacement for Tux. The character is a large-...
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Funny story: Handbags Get Turbocharged

Handbags Get Turbocharged

In a somewhat surprising move, boots the chemist have today introduced miniature jet engines into their small range of ladies' handbags. The engines are said to vary from a V6 to a V12, and also differ in their gearing - some are a mere single speed,...
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Funny story: "Tux" branches out

"Tux" branches out

In a surprising move, the linux mascot tux has announced today that he will be pursuing a career in the porn industry.
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Funny story: Olympic Hero in Overdose Worry

Olympic Hero in Overdose Worry

Beloved British olympic boxer Audley Harrison has been hospitalised today. Harrison was found in his hotel room early today, reportedly having taken of an overdose of popular energy drink Lucozade sport.
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Funny story: Mobile Phones Blamed for Brain Damage

Mobile Phones Blamed for Brain Damage

In a recent survey conducted by the UK mobile phone authority it has been revealed that mobile phones can, when thrown hard enough, inflict serious brain damage.
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Funny story: Smarties sizing shocker

Smarties sizing shocker

In what is continuing to become one of the most shocking and disturbing occurrences of the new millennium so far, refuse disposal technician and sci-fi writer Dan Collins (28) discovered that not all smarties, are the same size, in fact yellow smarti...
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Breaking News...

Oh, if only Alabamians could reanimate ol' George Wallace to campaign for Judge Roy Moore

I can hear him now, roaring to the crowds, "Pedophilia now, pedophilia tomorrow, pedophilia forever!"
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