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Black gymnast Gabby Douglas stripped of gold medal!

LONDON -- Olympic gymnast Gabby Douglas has been stripped of her gold medal at the 2012 Olympic Games for "not using one's black affiliation to win a match." "Upon further review of the video footage," official Suchet Zwambi said, "we determined t...

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NAMBLA wants "more aggressive" pat downs for toddlers, newborns

The North American Man/Boy Love Association, a.k.a. "NAMBLA," believes the U.S. Transportation Security Agency should be "more aggressive" in its pat downs of male toddlers and newborns. A spokesman, Mr. Seymour Hindquarters, warned that, "You nev...

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Pentagon leader fires top official over classified data leak

Funny story: Pentagon leader fires top official over classified data leak

THE PENTAGON - US Defense Secretary Robert Gates announced the "immediate departure" of Douglas B. Wilson, his Assistant Secretary of Defense for Public Affairs, over a series of classified data leaks that wound up on Mr. Gates' official website.

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US military begins Operation Buckshot Yankee

Funny story: US military begins Operation Buckshot Yankee

US Defense officials have launched "Operation Buckshot Yankee" to replace dangerous USB drives with harmless 3.5" floppy disks. Air Force cargo planes that once flew in Operation Iraqi Freedom, now deliver emergency supplies of floppy disks to air...

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Simultaneous global warrants issued for Wikileaks founder

In a simultaneous move that is "purely coincidental" according to US justice officials, countries all over the world have issued arrest warrants for Wikileaks founder Julian Assange on suspicion of capital crimes. Most of these crimes carry the deat...

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New York Philharmonic brokers Korean peace accord

Funny story: New York Philharmonic brokers Korean peace accord

SEOUL, South Korea -- The New York Philharmonic brokered a musical end to the Korean War on Thursday, reprising its emotional performance of the Korean folk tune "Arirang" in the South Korean capital after its unprecedented concert in Pyong...

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US Air Force launches "Berlin CyberLift" in Egypt to save lives, protect cyberspace

Funny story: US Air Force launches "Berlin CyberLift" in Egypt to save lives, protect cyberspace

CAIRO, EGYPT -- The U.S. Central Command Air Forces commander visited Cairo, Egypt, Jan. 29 to announce a "Berlin CyberLift" that will replace a series of undersea cables that were damaged in the war-torn region.

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US Air Force leader addresses cyberspace defense at conference

WASHINGTON -- Lt. Gen. Robert Younger Sr., a commander of computers in the US Air Force, explained the threat of computers to other generals who had flown to Washington to discuss air power. Younger used a "Transformers" toy figurine and a...

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US military promotes NASCAR drivers to higher ranks

Funny story: US military promotes NASCAR drivers to higher ranks

The U.S. Department of Defense has released the promotion list for NASCAR drivers and pit crew members who are sponsored by the various military services.

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Programs allow US Air Force to monitor deployed Airmen who e-mail, chat with family members

Funny story: Programs allow US Air Force to monitor deployed Airmen who e-mail, chat with family members

US Air Force officials continue to provide deployed Airmen and their families with Web-based communication tools, allowing officials to monitor e-mail and instant messaging from virtually anywhere in the world. "AFIM," the Air Force Instan...

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MySpace to offer technology to block terrorists

Funny story: MySpace to offer technology to block terrorists

News Corp.'s MySpace said on Tuesday it will offer in the next 30 days a technology to identify and block known terrorists from the popular online social network.

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New US law bans televised poker

Funny story: New US law bans televised poker

WASHINGTON -- President Bush signed into law a ban on televised wagering, impacting 23 million Americans who enjoy watching poker shows on TV, cable, and the Internet.

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North Korea declares Mars space "sovereign"

Funny story: North Korea declares Mars space "sovereign"

PYONG YANG -- North Korea's "Great Leader," Kim Jong-Il, has signed an order asserting North Korea's right to deny adversaries access to space around the planet Mars for hostile purposes. The order says North Korea will oppose the...

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US Air Force implements "Smart Card Logon" for aircraft, missiles

Funny story: US Air Force implements "Smart Card Logon" for aircraft, missiles

All U.S. Air Force pilots will soon be required to use Common Access Cards, or "smart cards," to log on to aircraft and missiles. USAF is moving away from unsecure access in an effort to thwart saboteurs and terrorists from putting critica...

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Internet scientists demote .ORG to "dwarf domain"

Funny story: Internet scientists demote .ORG to "dwarf domain"

CERN, SWITZERLAND -- An uproar took place in the digital world when the Internet Engineering Task Force demoted .ORG sites to the status of "dwarf domain" at its sixty-sixth official meeting in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. IETF chairman Brian...

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NASA to replace OnStar® antenna on shuttle Atlantis

CAPE CANAVERAL, FLORIDA -- NASA officials have opted to unbolt and replace a vital OnStar® antenna in the cargo bay aboard the shuttle Atlantis. The swap should not impact the vehicle's planned Aug. 27 launch date.

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TSA bans gels, liquids at aircraft museums

Funny story: TSA bans gels, liquids at aircraft museums

WRIGHT-PATTERSON AIR FORCE BASE, OHIO -- The U.S. Transportation Security Agency has imposed its ban on gels & liquids at aircraft museums. The national museum at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base was hardest hit by the new security measure. Museum di...

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TSA imposes "5-day waiting period" on flyers

Funny story: TSA imposes "5-day waiting period" on flyers

WASHINGTON, DC -- The U.S. Transportation Security Agency announced it will impose more airline restrictions following the terrorist threat in the United Kingdom. Beginning immediately, all passengers will be required to wait five days before travel...

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Breaking news…

New Bill Would Give Guns Citizenship

Sen. Ted Cruz (TX-R) introduced a bill {BLAKA} that would give guns US citizenship, along with the right to vote and own weapons. Asked about how they felt about this bill a gun said "bang bang click"
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