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Showing stories written by Derrick Patenaude

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Goth Guy Killed By Vampire-Killer Guy

Funny story: Goth Guy Killed By Vampire-Killer Guy

Last Friday began like any other day for Goth guy James Vendurbuen, a vegan breakfast, an hour long shower, two hours of hair and make-up and an hour of self-loathing. But what happened during his typical wait at the bus stop was far from typical. He...

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Homophobe Relieved To Find Lesbian Couple Actually Woman and Man With Cancer

Funny story: Homophobe Relieved To Find Lesbian Couple Actually Woman and Man With Cancer

27 year old homophobe Chris Terny was sitting in his favorite local restaurant last Tuesday when he witnessed what he believed to be a lesbian couple walk-in and sit next to him. "I was disgusted, I mean, you see a lot of this stuff on T.V, but r...

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English Bulldog Rescue Foundation Leaves Golden Retriever Stranded On Freeway

Funny story: English Bulldog Rescue Foundation Leaves Golden Retriever Stranded On Freeway

"It was horrific", said one woman, her arms crossed, eyes filled with pain. Just over the knoll loomed a grotesque scene, a heartbreaking tragedy, a dead golden retriever, struck by a vehicle on the interstate. "Just lucky no one else got hurt",...

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Jesus Tasered After Walking Into Church

33 year old two time zombie Jesus of Nazareth was tasered by an off duty policeman Sunday morning after he entered a Catholic church during mass. Witnesses from a home across the street from the church report seeing "some scroungy looking guy" ent...

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Man Spends Hours Writing Piece He Knows is Unpublishable

Funny story: Man Spends Hours Writing Piece He Knows is Unpublishable

34 year old Jamie Gahron spent 3 hours last Thursday night working on an article for an online publisher, knowing just a couple sentences in, that the piece was a wash. But instead of moving on to a different subject Jamie made himself another dr...

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Protestors Dumbfounded By Presence of Workingman

Funny story: Protestors Dumbfounded By Presence of Workingman

Pro-Trump and anti-Trump demonstrators were caught off guard last Monday when a local man showed up and started repairing a car engine. Several of the demonstrators seemed puzzled by the man's presence and stopped for a few moments to gaze at thi...

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Breaking news…

Trump Jr. Says That He Always Wanted to Be Separated From His Parents

That's why he can't understand the consternation at the border with kids being taken from parents.
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