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New British passport to be fifty shades of blue

Whitehall officials yesterday confirmed that all British passport holders currently in possession of the Burgundy European Union document will be issued with a new passport, in fifty shades of blue, once the UK has cast off the shackles of evil, sadi...

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Commons shock: Rees-Mogg and Diane Abbot elope

There was more room in the House of Commons today. Two of its best known actors, Jacob Rees-Mogg and Diane Abbot, announced they had eloped, and would return next week. Journalists tracked them down to Mudford Sock in Somerset, where the couple ar...

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Arsene Wenger signs new 25-year contract and plans 'Le Canard Mort' on retirement

The Arsenal manager, Arsene Wenger, yesterday renewed his contract with the club for a further 25 years, taking him through to 2043 when he will be 94. Sipping Beaujolais Nouveau through a straw, his red and white Zimmer frame tucked away in the corn...

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NHS to be outsourced

Sainsbury's and Tesco are the big winners of an invitation to tender organized by the NHS to cut costs and outsource specific services. Jeremy Hunt, Secretary of State for Health, welcomed the news, calling it a 'milestone' in the history of healt...

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Trump claims to be descendant of Zeus

"We are brothers", claimed Donald Trump, "and I plan to visit Greece this year to see where my family is buried. That's in Europe, right?" Zeus, the ancient god for sky and thunder in Greek religion was, by all accounts, pretty powerful. According...

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Yorkshire village declares independence

"What a terrific week", said Fred Clout, Mayor of the hamlet of Millington in the East Riding of Yorkshire, England. "We may be leaving the EU, but they're still a great source of inspiration over there." Following Catalonia's move to break awa...

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Clever Corbyn goes Smart

Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn, has finally grasped the wants of today's generation and proposed a revamp of democracy as we know it. "Yes, all these elections and parties and stuff are anachronistic. I want to take this country into a new era. We w...

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May, Trump...and Paris...go Muslim

Paris Saint-Germain Football Club, which recently signed (or rather acquired) the services of a certain Neymar da Silva Santos Junior from Barcelona for a reported fee of 220 million Euro, are busy marketing their wears to regain all that money. True...

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Push, shove or spit...that is the question for Trump

Having revealed an impressively broad range of despicable manners and decorum in his initial months as President when mingling and meeting other heads of state, Donald Trump has now taken 3 llamas into his garden areas, the aim being how to learn to...

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May appoints Scaramucci

Anthony Scaramucci, Donald Trump's former communications chief, has been surpisingly appointed Head of Mediation Issues for the cabinet by British Prime Minister, Theresa May. "What a colourful fellow, he'll brighten things up around here. Just wh...

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Theresa takes her fidget spinner to G20

While a varied assortment of hard and harmful elements were pitched and hurled in the direction of Hamburg policemen, cars burned and windows shattered, sporadic shouts from local residents such as "Oy, mind where you're chucking that manhole cover!"...

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How gullible, these British...

Arm in arm, two women happily danced, celebrating their booty, while all around went about their lives, numbed and scarred,yet again, bereft of hope and belief. How gullible, these British...Yes, the Prime Minister the country doesn't want, Theresa M...

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Brexit negotiations to be held in Disneyland

With politics and fairy tales converging ever faster, it was announced today that Brexit negotiations with the EU are to be held in Disneyland. Meetings will be chaired by the Mad Hatter, with the Seven Dwarfs taking minutes in rotation. Dopey will b...

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'Tony the Confessor' blares back

Livid at not being asked to lead the Labour charge against Theresa May and the Old Boys, former Prime Minister Tony Blair has pledged he will fight to the death until Britain accepts he's right. "As an ancestor of Ethelred the Unready and, of cour...

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UK welcomes Israel into the Fold

With the breakup of the UK imminent, and Scotland, led by the Lunatic of Loch Lomond, Nicola Sturgeon, shortly on the way out, the UK has been quick to find new brethren. Israel has declared it would be thrilled to replace Scotland should a UK vacanc...

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Empress Nicola tempts London Mayor with Scottish Guile

Funny story: Empress Nicola tempts London Mayor with Scottish Guile

The First Minister of Scotland and SNP leader, Nicola Sturgeon, bent on securing yet another referendum north of the border, is attempting to lure the Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, into her lair. In an interview with the BBC, the most prominent Hig...

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Psychiatric Hospitals admit thousands of dual nationality applicants

EU nationals in Britain, ex-pats across Europe and British citizens throughout the world are becoming confused about the options open and closed to them concerning dual nationality, now that Brexit approaches. Psychologists and behavioural therapi...

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Journalist found dead in pool after Trump press conference

Following President Trump's extraordinary press conference this week, new measures are to be introduced at the White House to accommodate journalists. As in aircraft, they will be shown where the nearest exit doors are, prior to commencement. Oxygen...

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Breaking news…

Wallis Simpson And Meghan Markle

Somewhere in heaven, Wallis Simpson is smiling and applauding Meghan Markle’s wedding to Prince Harry: an American, an actress and a divorcee. Wow! Everything else is just sparkle. Smart guy, Harry.
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