ATHENS, AL -- The nation is in mourning today after 14 people lost their lives during a stream of inclusive, non-offensive phrases. The alleged culprit was identified as Jeffery Kleinfeld, 22, who locals knew as a perfectly racist, sexist white boy.
BRASILIA, BRAZIL - According to recent reports, the Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA) has taken control of key cities in Brazil, toppled the Brazilian government, and changed the name of the South American country to "Goooo...
Around lunchtime yesterday, area man Francis Parker stunned his housemates when he made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This wasn't a normal sandwich, however; instead of foregoing the bread heel and selecting two non-heel slices - as any san...
LOS ANGELES-According to a new study from the Brookings Institution, the income gap between the rich and super-rich has reached its largest margin in a century. This revelation has sparked outrage among the (almost) richest people in the country.
WASHINGTON-On Monday, the U.S. Congress unanimously approved the Authorization for Use of Force against Unpleasant Lifeforms (AUFUL) joint resolution, effectively declaring war on what the Obama administration calls "the heebie-jeebies." After si...
WASHINGTON-On Monday, Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts announced that he and the other justices will take a break from hearing oral arguments and focus on their music, or as Roberts calls it, "The Pain."
The 5-4 decision came after six mon...
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